My Son Swindled Me on Date Night

My Son Swindled Me on Date Night #ifeelsoused
Target” by Mike Mozart is licensed under CC BY 2.0. Cropped from original and added title graphic overlay.

 

My husband and I do regular date nights with our kids. We alternate which kid we go out with, and we let the kids decide what we should do. We always enjoy our one-on-one time and getting to know the kids on their own.

Recently, my son and I were scheduled to go out on our monthly date. He hadnโ€™t told me where he wanted to go, so on the day of the date, I asked him about it:

Me: So, Colin, your sister and Dad went to a movie for their date. Where do you want to go? What do you want to do?
Colin: โ€ฆ
Me: Bowling? Petroglyph*? The movies?
Colin (with a little twinkle in his eye): We could go to Targetโ€ฆ
Me (eying him suspiciously): Uhhhh, Target? For a date?
Colin: I love Target. You love Target. Itโ€™s both of our favorite place. Itโ€™s a win-win.

(Heโ€™s 8, remember.)

It was hard to argue with that kind of logic. But a trip to Target didnโ€™t feel like a โ€œrealโ€ date to me. So I suggested an add-on.

Me: Okay, we can go to Target and then letโ€™s go to dinner. You can pick the restaurant.
Colin: GREAT!

And so we went to Target for our date. The first stop was at the Food Court to purchase an ICEEย for the boy. (Cherry is his favorite.) Armed with portable sugar, we walked out to the main store.

Colin (slyly): Mom, do you want to look at your clothing section? I know itโ€™s your favorite.
Me: No, this is your date. What section would you like to look at?
Colin (with a sheepish grin): How about the toy section?
Me: Sure.

He held my hand as we walked to the toy section, and then he perused the aisles for a few moments before zeroing in on a couple of small Imaginext toys. He held one in each hand and looked back and forth at them. I rationalized in my head that I would have spent more money at the movies so I offered to buy him one of the toys.

Me: Iโ€™ll tell you what. Iโ€™ll buy one toy for you since weโ€™re not spending any money on an activity.
Colin (rapidly before I changed my mind): Great. You buy this one, and Iโ€™ll buy this other one with my money. And this one too. (Grabbing another toy.)

While we were in line to make our purchase, Colin held the toys in his arms and hugged them tightly.

Colin: You know what, Mom? This was a really great trip to the store. And the ICEEย and toy shopping has been so much fun. Iโ€™m not all that hungry. I donโ€™t think we need to go to dinner.
Me (a bit dejected): Okayโ€ฆ

Back at home, we went to the kitchen table to remove the toys from their packaging. (Other parents will understand that this task involved a machete, a blowtorch, and a stick of dynamite…followed by a trip to the first aid kit.)

He ran his new car over the table, and I flew a jet through the air. We had a pretend car vs. jet battle.ย This adorable mother-son scene lasted about 5 minutes.

Colin (shoving the empty toy packages at me): Mom, can you take this stuff out to the recycling bin?
Me: Sure, buddy. Iโ€™ll be right back.

I took the packaging out to the recycling bin, and when I came back inside, I discovered that he had moved his toys to his room and shut the door.

And that concluded my date night with Colin.ย Basically, he just wantedย me for a ride and some free toys. I feel so used.

 

*That right there shows you what a good mom I am. Petroglyph is a ceramic painting place. I HATE those ceramic painting places. I don’t like to paint, and mine always come out ugly. I don’t like useless ceramic crap in my house. And I definitelyย don’t like paying eleventybilliondollars for ugly useless ceramic crap. But I would have goneโ€”for my son.

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43 Responses

  1. It’s funny how you felt “used” when I actually interpret it as quality time or even making memories with your son. One very important thing I have done as a father, is to make memories with my kids. Now, my kids are 25,23 and 19. 2 boys and a girl. When each of them were born I sat holding them after they had just popped out and promised them that I would be apart of their lives as long as they wanted me to be. To this day I have been to numerous plays,concerts,parent/teacher interviews,football practices and games,cheer leading practices and competitions. I won’t be one of those father’s lying on my death bed wishing I could have had more time with my kids. No regrets from me at all. To this day I spend time listening to their days at college and days at work. It is an amazing feeling knowing that I have kids that can sit and talk about anything and everything.

    1. My time with him is always quality time. And of course we made yet another memory that night: of him using me for a toy and a ride. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    1. He’s brilliant. And clearly he got that from his mother. And I’d give the boots off of my feet to have a date night with you. (Just kidding. It’s California; I’ll be in flip-flops for the next few months.) xoxo

      1. For fucks sake’s he’s one smart kid. I honestly wish I was that smart when I was his age lol. I mean I’m only 28 years old but wow. From the looks of it, you did a great job with him Foxy. Keep it up! ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. Smart kid!! I like Target too. I’ll have a Venti Americano to start though, and I’m probably going to hit the electronics section pretty hard. You should bring the good credit cards.

  3. I’m with Michelle–are you busy Friday night? ๐Ÿ˜‰

    My daughter wants to go to one of those painting places too. Ours is called HeART & Soul (I live in a kind of hippy-dippy place). I wouldn’t mind so much, except that instead of paining something remotely useful, like a platter or a mug, my kids always pick out the ceramic car or turtle, or the open-mouth-piranha-tea-light-holder (really). It’s not so much that we need another damned mug, but sure don’t need a ceramic turtle.

    1. Let’s you, me, and Michelle all go out this weekend. Please?! And we have an extensive collection of painted ceramic animals and vehicles and shoes. FML. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  4. Be glad he’s only 8. The older they get, the more expensive the swindling gets.

    Just be prepared when he’s 16 and wants date night at the “Audi dealership”.

  5. This reminds me of my son โ€“ but he is 20-years-old and still manages to finagle free shit out of me. However, I am rewarded because we often have great conversations and he is as funny as hell. It just occurred to me that he has me well trained.

  6. That little stinker! That little BRILLIANT stinker! Can’t say I didn’t pull some of that when I was his age. After I knew about the Tooth Fairy, I’d tell my mom when I’d lost a tooth, and she’d give me money. Then I’d tell my dad. Then my Gram. Then my Papa. I made out like a bandit!!!

    1. When he was 2, he had a t-shirt with a stink bug that said “Lil Stinker.” I didn’t know how prophetic it was. ๐Ÿ˜‰ And I 1000000% believe that you were a little swindler too. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    1. Yes. I admit to opening up a bottle of wine and picking up my book after he left. And he’s way smarter than I am, for sure.

  7. I never know how to feel when I’m outwitted by my own and she’s just 4. I’m part shocked and disturbed but also pretty impressed.

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