Foxy Wine Pocket

Me, uncensored.

Whips, Dips, and Other Ways to Party

By

Whips, Dips, and Other Ways to Party @foxywinepocket.com

There are two important things to know before you read this story:

  1. I have some amazing freighbors (friends + neighbors) who throw ridiculously fun parties.
  2. I lost my beloved nut bowl two years ago at one of these parties.

Okay, now the story. This year’s New Year’s party was actually held on Friday, January 2—a brilliant strategy to ensure everyone could attend (and have adequate recovery time). Last year we had a Dead Celebrity theme. This year’s theme was Matchy-Matchy. Inspired by this bit of awesome ridiculousness.

Two of my freighbors teamed up with Mr. Foxy and myself to create DEVO. (Please tell me you remember DEVO and that I’m not really old.) We bought hats and coordinating outfits. I even bought a whip.

We practiced a ridiculous dance routine, during which we determined it would be a really bad idea for me to hold the whip given that I would likely have a few drinks prior to our performance. So I reluctantly gave it to another band member. (And I only cried a little bit.)

Here we are in all of our glory.

Are we not men? We are DEVO! @foxywinepocket

Don’t worry, the whip came in handy later. *winks not at all subtly*

After several performances, tons of food, and general merriment (read: booze), a few of us partygoers moved into the kitchen. Our hostess, Starla (my evil twin), starting putting away some of the food. I watched her casually, mostly to ensure she didn’t remove anything that I still wanted to eat.

Then I saw her holding some dip. My eyes immediately shot to the bowl—IT WAS MY FUCKING NUT BOWL!

I watched in silent horror. My mouth agape. I didn’t know what to say. How could Starla have my nut bowl?! Had she had it all of this time? (That lecherous traitor!) Or did she make it magically reappear? (That beautiful sorcerous!)

I was stunned. And at a complete loss for words. (I know, RIGHT?!) You have to understand, I devoted months to finding that nut bowl. When I finally gave up hope, I mourned its loss. I wrote a story about it. I even wrote a song about my beloved nut bowl. It was like I was seeing a ghost.

I couldn’t take it. I ran out of the room.

Apparently one of my freighbors saw my expression and followed me to see if I was okay. (He later mentioned he thought I had peed my pants or something.)

I only managed a whispered reply, “That’s my nut bowl.”

My other freighbors joined us to see what the commotion was about. Turns out, my precious nut bowl mistakenly went home with the caterer two years ago. He has so many dishes he didn’t even notice it wasn’t his. Which meant that Starla didn’t steal it after all. (But she still does have mystical powers.)

That’s me. Collapsed on the floor laugh-crying (that’s different than cry-laughing). Nearly hysterical. But notice I kept my wine safe.

I am overwhelmed. But still holding my wine. @foxywinepocket

As I later sat around rejoicing and making plans for my glorious nut bowl reunion, some of the other “freighbors” started teasing me. They said really mean things. Things like:

  • “Really? THAT’S the nut bowl you’ve been whining about? It’s not that great.”
  • “I’m going to dangle that thing over the Golden Gate bridge tomorrow.”
  • “The bowl I gave you is WAY better.”

Rather than sit there and take the abuse, I calmly went back to the kitchen, rifled through the cabinets to locate another bowl, transferred the dip into the new bowl, washed my nut bowl, and … shoved the bowl in my bra for safe keeping. Where it remained the rest of the party. (It’s possible I knocked on it while making knockers jokes too.)

I later brought the nut bowl home, lovingly rewashed it, and kept it by my bed for the night. I had dreams about my nut bowl and woke up determined to make up for lost time.

Introducing my new everyday, everything bowl:

The Everything Including Nuts Bowl @foxywinepocket.com

I will never take it for granted again.

 

Fabulous party photography courtesy of my freighbor, Jaqrabbit.


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Comments

  1. Are you using the nut bowl to replace something else that’s missing in you life?…. 😉

    Great story, by the way, it’s totally shaped for shoving down your bra and you were absolutely right to make knocker-jokes with it.

    • I think about that question while eating chocolate out of my nut bowl. And thank you for the affirmation. The other party goers did not approve.

  2. The very FIRST thing I thought when I saw your cover picture on Feedly was “Wait! Isn’t that Foxy’s nut bowl?” I would not lie to you.

    Many felicitations on this glorious reunion.

  5. Huzzah! At last, reunited with your beloved nut bowl. Reunited…and it feels so good…in your bra. It’s actually the perfect shape to fit into a bra.

    But I digress.

    Fate has swung its nutty pendulum in your favor, my friend. Congratulations!

    And holy nut bowl, Batman – how freaking cool that you guys dressed up as my fellow Akron-ites, Devo! Where’d you get the flower pot hats?! Those would make great chip bowls…

    • Thank you so much! You can buy the Devo hats right on their website. I also thought they would make a good punch bowl. And then a puke bowl if you drank all of the punch.

  9. Apparently Linda and I are on the same wavelength because I was thinking the same thing by singing “reunited and it feels so good…” Great minds think alike!

    Glad your precious nut bowl is back. I’d probably lose my shit if a favorite dish went MIA. It’s the little things, truly. Or something like that.

  12. Died laughing at the DEVO — then FELL ON THE FLOOR at the Nut Bowl Reveal!
    I know how much you LOVED that nut bowl — I mourned its loss for you!
    I wondered how it could mysteriously disappear.

    So to learn that you were REUNITED with your love has put a happy grin on my face!
    I am so happy for you and your NOW EVERYTHING BOWL!!!

  14. My neighbors are all either 1) sullen (get off my property before I get my gun!, 2) old (*holds thumb and forefinger close together” this far from death) or 3) crazy (70-year-old ex-Vegas showgirl sunbathing topless in the front yard). If I want to have a fun party, I have to import friends to my house (and they always take the chance they might get shot). I’m jealous!

  15. Now you and Mr. Foxy must write and record a new song (DEVO style?) about finding your beloved nut bowl to make the story come full circle. What are the odds that the caterer would use your bowl at the party? It’s a Christmas miracle!

  17. I would weep openly about the loss of this bowl and not being invited to any party where dressing like DEVO is considered a good idea.

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