All over the country, moms and dads are counting down the days until the school year is over. They are writing love letters to summer vacation, singing songs of liberation, and rejoicing about the end of all things school-related.
Quite frankly, I don’t get it. ‘Cuz I think summer sucks.
“What?!” you shout with indignation.
Yep, you heard me right. Summer sucks. I mean, sure, I’m going to enjoy sleeping in a wee bit more each day. I will no doubt be relieved to not have school projects that are assigned to my children but end up being my problem. And I won’t experience car-line rage. But overall, the school year is FAR SUPERIOR.
Here’s why summer sucks:
- I’m in charge of my kids 100% of the time. During the school year, marvelous teachers impart endless wisdom into my children’s brains from 8-3 every day. It’s glorious (for me). I get so much work done. During the summer, I have to cash in favors with grandparents or pay the neighbor kid if I even want to get a haircut. Or a pap smear. Or anything without my kids. And, holy shit, have you seen the cost of summer camps?! It’s ridiculous. Maybe I need to open my own summer camp. Oh wait. I’m way too lazy. Fuck that.
- There are no schedules. I love order and routine—I thrive on them. The school year provides a rigid schedule, and I cherish it. Here’s when the kids are at school (and I can work peacefully). Here’s when the kids are doing homework (and I can drink wine). Here’s when the kids need to bathe (and I can send the dog in to check on them). In the summer, every week—hell—every day can be different. There is no schedule, and I actually have to think about the day’s events. I don’t like that.
- I hate summer meal preparation. Sure, it’s nice to not make school lunches every morning during the summer. But since I put my son in charge of assembling them, lunch preparation during the school year is a breeze (for me). Meals during the summer are a constant battle (“Have you eaten anything today besides Goldfish?”) and a constant mess (“How did the peanut butter get on the walls?). Also, when the kids are at school, I don’t have to listen to them complain while they eat their lunches.
- I don’t have my go-to social excuse. [To my dear real-life friends, please look away now.] During the school year, if I don’t want to attend something, I just say, “Oh. I’ve got a school thing.” It works like a charm and aligns perfectly with my social anxieties. It’s much harder during the summer to use that excuse. I have to get more creative. And didn’t I just mention that I’m lazy as fuck?
- I hate hot weather. During the school year, it’s cooler. I can wear sweaters and scarves and other layers that hide my muffin top. During the summer, it’s much harder to disguise the extra bulges. Also? I sweat. I don’t like boob sweat. Or butt sweat. Or chub rub. (I do love maxi dresses though.)
- I miss our wake-up routine. Yes, the kids are grumpy in the morning. No, they don’t want to get out of bed. But it is SO MUCH FUN to poke the bears during the school year. I love to sing ridiculous songs to them to jolt them from their sweet slumber. My favorite? Dean Martin’s rendition of “When the Red Red Robin (Comes Bob Bob Bobbin’ Along).” AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS. Their grumpy groans delight me. I don’t get that fun in the summer.
- I “forget” to exercise. The school routine forces me to exercise. I have to get up early anyhow, I might as well do it 30 minutes earlier to get a sweat on. I get L.A.Z.Y. during the summer. And that doesn’t work well for my aforementioned muffin top.
- I miss homework. Okay, I admit that homework time sometimes forces me to day-drink, but overall I love that my kids have something they need to do at a certain time of the day. And I get a lot of Facebooking work done during that time too. During the summer, I have to actually come up with things for them to do.
- I long for school bedtimes. I love my kids, and I enjoy spending time with them. But I also love sending them to bed at 8 PM every weeknight so I can enjoy some time with my computer husband. During the summer, bedtime chaos reigns supreme. Even if I send them to their rooms by 10 PM, they’re always up later. And wake up even grumpier.
- I hate school supply shopping. Summer brings the dreaded school supply shopping. I’ve mentioned before how much I hate shopping for school supplies. Seriously, there are hundreds of things I’d rather do. I tried turning it into a scavenger hunt, but it still sucks balls. The only silver lining? School supply shopping signals the end of summer and the coming of the glorious First Day of School.
So there you have it. That’s ten reasons summer sucks. I’m sure I will think of more as the summer weeks drag their butts across my carpet. Do you have any to add? Or do you have reasons summer doesn’t suck?
I truly do hope that y’all enjoy your summers. I know my kids will. Especially when I make them clean out their closets for a fun afternoon activity.
Photo Credit: sifotography / 123RF Stock Photo
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And the endless: Doing anything fun for vacation? Questions
No. NO I am not. I’m probably just going to get my AC fixed.
We’re hoping to be able to fix the holes in our dining room floor.
My reasons summer doesn’t suck:
1. Vacations! We finally get to see some other states, amazing places and family out there.
2. Sending the boys away camping somewhere with their father. Nice alone time to catch up on being lazy or work.
3. Pool time with friends. If I’m lucky, one or more will get an invite to play after pool time, leaving me with more time to myself.
4. More hugs during the day, from my affectionate one.
5. Margaritas are always appropriate.
6. Sangria too.
7. Nature gives me green things to look at, and flowers too.
8. The cold basement feels good after being outside.
9. Grandparents decide to take a kid or two for more extended periods of time.
10. I finally get some vitamin D.
Those are lovely reasons. None of them apply to me. Except maybe #5. And #6.
All good points but I’m Team Summer. I believe my post from last summer sums up my POV nicely 🙂 And I was thinking about writing some sort of “kiss off school year” piece, yes.
http://www.crankoutloud.com/a-goodbye-ode-to-summer/
I would like to write an ode to Thanksgiving now. It’s my favorite holiday. (It’s not during summer.)
My summer excuses:
1. husband has a work function I am forced to attend
2. Family is visiting and they always seem to be visiting
3. I promised the kids I would take them to a movie that is not a matinee that day
I love the weather but the rest is, agreeably, exhausting!
#1 and #2 are killers. Maybe #3 could be an opportunity for a nap?
You’re right, it does suck!
Thank you. I knew you’d agree. xoxo
Summer does suck. The only silver lining for me is that I get to sleep in, and that’s tarnished, because my daughter has yet to learn the wonder that is sleeping in.
B2S shopping may suck, as well, but, at least it leading up to school starting back up!
If I’m not with you on all of these things it’s only because Z is not officially in school yet. Otherwise, we are in accord.
I can so relate to missing a schedule. Honestly, no set schedule for months terrifies me. It would help if I had a fabulous vacation planned, but nope. Instead I get tell people all summer that no, no I do not have any exciting vacation plans. Then my daughter starts elementary school. That’s terrifying too. Apparently, I can’t win. Lol!
Every time I read one of your posts, I like you more. Be glad you don’t live in Atlanta where the humidity outweighs the hillbillies by 100%.
BLASPHEMY!!!! I love the summer! I can understand your reasoning, but I can say that I love summer because I don’t have kids. I also love hot weather and I like to pretend the sun is melting away my spare tire. I am envious of the kids buying new mechanical pencils, notebooks, college ruled paper, glue sticks, and book bags, just to name a few.
SUMMER SUCKS ASS. That is all.
GAH I’m excited about school being out– I live across from an elementary school and have to battle with parents to get out of my driveway every morning. Next school year, I’m stacking a pile of bricks on the edge of my lawn with a sign that says “If you block my driveway, you get a brick through the window.”
I’m not a fan of summer either. Mainly because of the heat. We have southern hot humid days and I hate it. I don’t even want to step outside.
The thing that makes it all bearable is the no homework part. Gawd, I cannot wait until we don’t have to do the math for a couple of months solid.
100% agree!
I found your blog because of the Brazilian post.
I read that and this, and think, we must be friends!
Thank you for the laughs Foxy!
Summer doesn’t suck because:
I work at the school so…
1. I get to spend more time with my own kids because I actually have the energy to do it.
2. It’s so much quieter. School is loud and my ears enjoy the break.
3. I have enough time away to miss my job, the students and remember the reasons why I do what I do.
4. I have the time and energy to read. I love to read but that’s not how I want to spend my evenings during the school year.
5. Sleep!!!!
6. BBQ’S
7. Travel-every summer I travel with my bestie somewhere for 5-7 days of kid free bliss then we travel somewhere as a family.
8. Playmates outside. Let’s face it, sending them outside is so much more appealing.
9.cold adult beverages
10. I can do whatever I want or nothing at all on any day of the week!!!!
I love that my kid has a set bed time during the school year. I officially stop mom-ing at 9 pm.
During the summer, he cuts into my private time! I have no reason to yell “GO TO BED, YOU HAVE TO BE UP EARLY.”
Dang it.
This is sooo totally me! I swear–no one in my life understands it. The only thing I can ADD to your list for me dreading Summer is that it’s even harder for me to motivate myself to work (I work from home) when my teacher-husband and kids are lounging around being lazy asses all the time. Ugh.
PS. Never been to your blog before. Love it/you. Going on my favorites list.