All over the country, moms and dads are counting down the days until the school year is over. They are writing love letters to summer vacation, singing songs of liberation, and rejoicing about the end of all things school-related.
Quite frankly, I don’t get it. ‘Cuz I think summer sucks.
“What?!” you shout with indignation.
Yep, you heard me right. Summer sucks. I mean, sure, I’m going to enjoy sleeping in a wee bit more each day. I will no doubt be relieved to not have school projects that are assigned to my children but end up being my problem. And I won’t experience car-line rage. But overall, the school year is FAR SUPERIOR.
Here’s why summer sucks:
- I’m in charge of my kids 100% of the time. During the school year, marvelous teachers impart endless wisdom into my children’s brains from 8-3 every day. It’s glorious (for me). I get so much work done. During the summer, I have to cash in favors with grandparents or pay the neighbor kid if I even want to get a haircut. Or a pap smear. Or anything without my kids. And, holy shit, have you seen the cost of summer camps?! It’s ridiculous. Maybe I need to open my own summer camp. Oh wait. I’m way too lazy. Fuck that.
- There are no schedules. I love order and routine—I thrive on them. The school year provides a rigid schedule, and I cherish it. Here’s when the kids are at school (and I can work peacefully). Here’s when the kids are doing homework (and I can drink wine). Here’s when the kids need to bathe (and I can send the dog in to check on them). In the summer, every week—hell—every day can be different. There is no schedule, and I actually have to think about the day’s events. I don’t like that.
- I hate summer meal preparation. Sure, it’s nice to not make school lunches every morning during the summer. But since I put my son in charge of assembling them, lunch preparation during the school year is a breeze (for me). Meals during the summer are a constant battle (“Have you eaten anything today besides Goldfish?”) and a constant mess (“How did the peanut butter get on the walls?). Also, when the kids are at school, I don’t have to listen to them complain while they eat their lunches.
- I don’t have my go-to social excuse. [To my dear real-life friends, please look away now.] During the school year, if I don’t want to attend something, I just say, “Oh. I’ve got a school thing.” It works like a charm and aligns perfectly with my social anxieties. It’s much harder during the summer to use that excuse. I have to get more creative. And didn’t I just mention that I’m lazy as fuck?
- I hate hot weather. During the school year, it’s cooler. I can wear sweaters and scarves and other layers that hide my muffin top. During the summer, it’s much harder to disguise the extra bulges. Also? I sweat. I don’t like boob sweat. Or butt sweat. Or chub rub. (I do love maxi dresses though.)
- I miss our wake-up routine. Yes, the kids are grumpy in the morning. No, they don’t want to get out of bed. But it is SO MUCH FUN to poke the bears during the school year. I love to sing ridiculous songs to them to jolt them from their sweet slumber. My favorite? Dean Martin’s rendition of “When the Red Red Robin (Comes Bob Bob Bobbin’ Along).” AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS. Their grumpy groans delight me. I don’t get that fun in the summer.
- I “forget” to exercise. The school routine forces me to exercise. I have to get up early anyhow, I might as well do it 30 minutes earlier to get a sweat on. I get L.A.Z.Y. during the summer. And that doesn’t work well for my aforementioned muffin top.
- I miss homework. Okay, I admit that homework time sometimes forces me to day-drink, but overall I love that my kids have something they need to do at a certain time of the day. And I get a lot of Facebooking work done during that time too. During the summer, I have to actually come up with things for them to do.
- I long for school bedtimes. I love my kids, and I enjoy spending time with them. But I also love sending them to bed at 8 PM every weeknight so I can enjoy some time with my computer husband. During the summer, bedtime chaos reigns supreme. Even if I send them to their rooms by 10 PM, they’re always up later. And wake up even grumpier.
- I hate school supply shopping. Summer brings the dreaded school supply shopping. I’ve mentioned before how much I hate shopping for school supplies. Seriously, there are hundreds of things I’d rather do. I tried turning it into a scavenger hunt, but it still sucks balls. The only silver lining? School supply shopping signals the end of summer and the coming of the glorious First Day of School.
So there you have it. That’s ten reasons summer sucks. I’m sure I will think of more as the summer weeks drag their butts across my carpet. Do you have any to add? Or do you have reasons summer doesn’t suck?
I truly do hope that y’all enjoy your summers. I know my kids will. Especially when I make them clean out their closets for a fun afternoon activity.
Photo Credit: sifotography / 123RF Stock Photo