Today, Governor Jerry Brown officially declared a drought emergency in the state of California. So now, when I don’t get around to showering, I’ll just file that under “Water Conservation.”
I admit it. I fucking suck at Twitter. But please follow me anyway. If only to feel better about your own tweeting.
I just dropped my smartphone on the kitchen floor, and the screen shattered into a million itty-bitty pieces. But I can’t take a picture of it to show you.
I can’t figure out which is the bigger tragedy.
Dan’s watching a very important football game right now. I don’t give a shit about football. I’m just cheering with him because I like the chips and beer.
OMG, y’all. I made a fucking PANINI with my panini press. Not bacon like I’ve been making for the past 10+ years since my mom gave the press to me. Although bacon would have been a delicious side dish…
This past weekend we agreed to foster a dog from our local animal shelter. Seems she (let’s call her Zena the Dog) was suffering from kennel stress, and she had a PTS (put to sleep) date. We’re pretty much suckers when it comes to dogs, so we took her in.
Well, here’s the thing: she has severe, I mean SEVERE, separation anxiety. Like we can’t leave her alone in the house for even a few minutes. She’s already destroyed two crates, peed all over our bedroom, damaged our antique dresser, and destroyed our doorframe.
We can’t send her back. She’ll be euthanized. And the first thing on Erin’s Christmas Wish List was to foster a dog (I shit you not). And Ziggy the Dog (who is rather picky) loves her. And she’s really awesome when not in her crate. And it’s fucking Christmas. CHRISTMAS! So she’s not going anywhere.
But tonight we had plans for our annual Christmas Eve dinner at the in-laws. Since Zena the Dog can’t be left alone right now, I graciously volunteered to stay home with the dogs. And miss Christmas Eve at the in-laws’ house. With tears in my eyes, I sent Dan and the kids up to the city to celebrate this special occasion.
Me + 2 awesome dogs + 1 bottle of wine + a delicious tri-tip panini from Zanotto’s + whatever fucking music I want = Merry Christmas to me!
I’m hanging outdoor Christmas lights with my husband Dan. Trying not to end up on America’s Funniest Home Videos. Or Divorce Court.
I was all impressed with myself this morning when I mixed banana bread from scratch. Then I got distracted by Facebook and realized I forgot to set the timer. Being the genius that I am, I was able to roughly guess how much time had passed, so I set the timer on my phone for the remaining time. A short time later, I went back to the kitchen to get more coffee…and realized I never put the banana bread in the oven to begin with.
Look out Martha Stewart.
Masturbation counts as exercise, right?
Asking for a friend…
This morning my pants were a little too snug. So I immediately ate 5 more KitKats in order to stretch them out.