Homemade shamrock-shaped, multi-layered, green-goo-filled cupcakes? Bell pepper stamps? Clay pot leprechauns? Homemade Blarney stones? Really?
I mean, I love the Irish as much as the next person. Heck, I even married an Irishman. But this holiday has gotten completely out of hand. Can’t we all just agree to drink some Guinness and pinch whomever is not wearing green and be done with it? Because, on top of all the other crap I have to do today, that’s about all I can handle.
And it’s Monday, dammit. I’m tired.
So if you’ve memorized “100 St. Patrick’s Day Traditions, Crafts, and Treats” and are making elaborate St. Patrick’s-themed crafts and eco-friendly, green-colored, shamrock-shaped snacks, I’m not sure we can be friends. Because—and I ask this with all sincerity—who has time for that shit?
Possibly I’ll compromise by serving Lucky Charms (all meals) and putting some green food coloring in the milk and the toilet. (Leprechauns pee green, you know.)
But then I’m going straight to the Guinness. Care to join me?