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Fuck St. Patrick’s Day

By Foxy

Homemade shamrock-shaped, multi-layered, green-goo-filled cupcakes? Bell pepper stamps? Clay pot leprechauns? Homemade Blarney stones? Really?

I mean, I love the Irish as much as the next person. Heck, I even married an Irishman. But this holiday has gotten completely out of hand. Can’t we all just agree to drink some Guinness and pinch whomever is not wearing green and be done with it? Because, on top of all the other crap I have to do today, that’s about all I can handle.

And it’s Monday, dammit. I’m tired.

So if you’ve memorized “100 St. Patrick’s Day Traditions, Crafts, and Treats” and are making elaborate St. Patrick’s-themed crafts and eco-friendly, green-colored, shamrock-shaped snacks, I’m not sure we can be friends. Because—and I ask this with all sincerity—who has time for that shit?

Possibly I’ll compromise by serving Lucky Charms (all meals) and putting some green food coloring in the milk and the toilet. (Leprechauns pee green, you know.)

But then I’m going straight to the Guinness. Care to join me?


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Filed Under: Random

Comments

  1. Sarah (est. 1975) says

    March 17, 2014 at 6:36 am

    I don’t know where you’re located exactly but did you notice that this weekend everyone was driving like drunken assholes? We sure did. I was like “I’m glad that St. Patrick’s Day now encompasses Friday night through Monday.”

    • Amy says

      March 17, 2014 at 8:39 am

      I live in a college town and St Patrick’s Day gets so out of control that spring break is planned around it. The dorms are even closed so that students have to go home (or party in Cabo).

      • Foxy says

        March 17, 2014 at 5:49 pm

        It’s nice to know the higher ups use their higher degrees intelligently sometimes.

    • Foxy says

      March 17, 2014 at 5:48 pm

      Yeah, there are a lot of stupid assholes out there. I stay home and drink. The St. P’s weekend thing is like how Halloween became a week-long thing. Hate it.

  2. Kristina Walters @ Kris On Fitness says

    March 17, 2014 at 9:14 am

    I hear ya sister! I went out on Saturday it was all St. Patricks day shit. I love me some Guiness but I didn’t bother to wear green today.

    • Foxy says

      March 17, 2014 at 5:50 pm

      It’s crazy how out-of-control the holiday has become. I wore a sage-colored shirt today. Close enough.

  3. Christen says

    March 17, 2014 at 7:35 pm

    Not sure where Amy lives but same thing here: Spring Break is planned around ONE DAY and yet every damn yahoo in town is out getting shitfaced at 9am, even at favorite breakfast places, which should be SAFE SPACES. Don’t mind me, I just want to be able to go out in the town where I live and work and not have some drunk dipshit try to touch me and/or barf near me.

    AND ALL YOU KIDS CAN GET OFF MY LAWN!

    • Foxy says

      March 20, 2014 at 1:52 pm

      I’m turning 80 this year too.

Trackbacks

  1. First Confessions | Foxy Wine Pocket says:
    April 9, 2014 at 10:19 am

    […] Day story. As you might well imagine, based upon my thoughts on Valentine’s Day and St. Patrick’s Day, I don’t do April Fool’s […]

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