Foxy Wine Pocket

Me, uncensored.

A Tale of Two Foxys (and One Flat Sarah) at Two Conferences

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In early June, I went to a blogging conference in Baltimore. It was a small, intimate conference hosted on a university and run by a team of seasoned, successful bloggers. Honestly, even though it was a relatively small group of attendees, I was scared shitless because 1) I’m socially awkward in large groups, and 2) I didn’t know a soul.

I mean, I had cultivated online relationships with a handful of bloggers, but I had never met any of them in real life. Would they like me in-person? Would I make an ass of myself? Okay, the second one was a given. But maybe they’d like me despite my assy-ness. Because my friend Sarah couldn’t go, I took Flat Sarah with me as a security blanket.

Flat Sarah and I hung out, only slightly bored, at the airport:

Bored at the Airport

We got excited when we found her doppelgänger:

Sarah's Doppleganger

We accidentally took an awkward video instead of a picture of her with the flowers:

Accidental Video

We spent some time before the conference at a hotel relaxing:

Relaxing at the Hotel

Only to be kept up all night by our neighbors:

Hotel Neighbors

We eventually made it to the conference. And made some friends:

Shy and awkward, I literally hid behind a mask for most of the conference:

Foxy Mask

Masked Foxy with bloggers from Keeper of the Fruit Loops and Dried-on Milk.

Toward the end of the conference (and after a few drinks), I was getting a bit more comfortable in my skin—my 80s skin anyhow:

Snarkfest, my date, if only for a moment...

Snarkfest, my date, if only for a moment…

I learned some great tips and tricks about how to blog better and how to engage more with my readers, but what was the big takeaway from that conference? Besides wearing 80s prom attire makes a party WAY MORE fun?

That you need a tribe.

That is, you need a group of like-minded blogging friends around you for support, cheerleading, and advice. It’s your tribe that will make you successful. Your tribe that will help you achieve your goals. (That’s pretty good advice for my non-blogging life too.)

I’ve spent a fair amount of time over the past several weeks talking to Sarah (the real one, not the flat, laminated one), clarifying my goals and tribing-up with some other fabulous bloggers.

And here’s what I’ve determined: I just want to write.

I don’t want to hawk other people’s products. I don’t want to write posts that hawk other people’s products. (However, if any winery in Oregon wants to send me cases of Pinot Noir, I will happily take lots of pictures of myself drinking your wine.) I don’t want to change my voice to suit another site’s requirements. (I feel a bit like Lloyd Dobler here.)

I just want to write.

So then, this past weekend, I went to a second blogging conference. A MUCH BIGGER conference at a convention center run by a very successful corporation. I probably wouldn’t have gone, but it was in San Jose, my home turf, so I didn’t have to pay for airfare or hotel.

Even though I knew a few people, I was still incredibly intimidated. I posted about it on Facebook wondering if I would fare any better socially than I did in the first conference.

Status Update

I mentally prepared for the conference:

Preparing for BlogHer

Again I took Flat Sarah with me. She whored it up a lot more than I did:

Flat Sarah whoring it up with bloggers from Hacker. Ninja. Hooker. Spy., Stop Me If I Told You This..., and The Shitastrophy.

Flat Sarah whoring it up with bloggers from Hacker. Ninja. Hooker. Spy., Stop Me If I Told You This…, and The Shitastrophy.

Despite my awkwardness, I was able to introduce myself to folks in a relatively articulate fashion. I think I only hugged one person inappropriately. I met so many great people that I had only known online and had a wonderful time socializing, eating, and drinking (and drinking). As I started to get more comfortable, I even gave my mask to Petty Thoughts to wear.

Friend with Mask

At the conference, I attended primarily publishing-related sessions. I learned that it’s really fucking hard to find an agent and nearly impossible to get a book deal. I also learned that I don’t have nearly enough followers or page views or subscribers or whatever to get ahead in the publishing game. This dose of reality was a bitch-slap in the face.

Honestly, I got pretty deflated. Most of the writers I know (myself included) already suffer incredible insecurities and self-doubt. Will anyone want to read my stuff? What if no one finds me funny? What if I’ve written the last good thing I will ever write? So to hear folks basically tell me that it’s never going to happen sucked big balls. BIG ones.

But then I went to a keynote with Jenny Lawson, The Bloggess. She was hilarious, of course, and told us some very funny stories. There were thousands of people in that ballroom, but she spoke right to me. Here’s what she said (to me):

  • Not everyone is going to like you, and that’s okay. Just keep writing.
  • You’re going to feel overwhelmed and inferior. Just keep writing.
  • None of the cool kids started that way. Just keep writing.
  • Everyone has a story. If you don’t think you do, it’s because you haven’t read it through someone else’s eyes.
  • Just. Keep. Writing.

I left completely inspired. I need to write. (I don’t have a choice, really.) I need to put myself out there. I know it will be hard work, but I need to keep focusing on my goals and not get distracted by the noise.

A few hours later, I went to the bathroom. As I came out, I crossed paths with Jenny. I was happy just to be up close to her, but my friend from The Shitastrophy gave me a shove and told me to go take my picture with her. (Thank you, Alyson. I wouldn’t have done it without that push.)

I was awkward and ridiculous, and I have no idea what I even said to her. But she was beautiful and gracious and kind enough to let me take her picture with her.

The Bloggess

So here’s to putting myself out there. Now I need to get back to writing.


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Comments

  1. OMG….SQUEEEEEE!!!! The picture! The picture!!! I love THE PICTURE!! I mean, the three of us look so darn cute at BlogU…..

  2. Hey Lady!
    It only gets better from here. If anything could be better than meeting Jenny Lawson! Whatever you publish I will buy. And read! And I’ll pay my two friends to buy you too. So there’s that.
    Keep wording it up. You are awesome.

  4. I didn’t know Alyson was so damned pushy! Good thing. 🙂

    You are beautiful, talented, hilariously funny and a GREAT writer. Screw the numbers, keep doing what you’re doing, my friend!!!

    PS…..I had a lovely time with you at the prom, sorry I haven’t called since then.

    • Seriously. I was so grateful she gave me that push. I NEVER would have done it on my own. And thank you for the kind words–the check is in the mail. xoxo

  5. WE WILL PUBLISH!!!! Hahaha…

    As much fun as it was to hang out with everyone and meet people, I think that Jenny was the most redeeming part of the actual conference programming. I don’t doubt that she turned it around for a lot of us who were sitting out there thinking “well basically I’m screwed.”

    I have a lot of gratitude to her for that.

    And! The lighting was so odd in that room, I look jaundice. Someone was telling me I only take good photos the other day, so I may need to share this link. Haaaa…

    It was awesome getting to meet you! You didn’t seem nervous at all, as you caught my eye from across the horrible room and did your sneaky “it’s me!” pointing.

    • WE WILL PUBLISH! No matter what the haters say! Or not. And that’s okay too. As long as I get to do what I love. Jenny reminded me of that.

      And, uhhhh, you could be green and still look fabulous. I agree with your friend. You even look beautiful when you’re annoyed and dejected across the horrible room. 😉

  6. Just what I needed today after ranting in an email to a blogging friend of mine (wink, wink). You are an entire vat of awesome sauce, and this is a nice bottle to send home with us all.

  7. omg, I have the chills. CHILLS! I love this post and I completely identify with it. Thank you for the reminder about what is important: to write. So now I’m gonna go and write. Love you!

    • Wow. I’m humbled. I didn’t expect my personal revelation to have that kind of impact. Thank YOU for your kind words. Love YOU!

  8. I love Flat Sarah. What a great idea. I could never walk into a big (or small) conference alone. I applaud you for your bravery.

    • Thank you. Flat Sarah gave me just the courage I needed. She was also an excellent ice breaker. Truth be told, she’s a little slutty tho–she was up in everybody’s business.

  9. What a great recap! I loved meeting you at BlogU and am a little bummed I didn’t make it this one, especially since you got to meet, in person the amazing Alyson. It also sounds like Jenny Lawson was worth the trip! I love that you are focusing on just writing since I love reading your work!

  11. I loved meeting you. And it was not awkward from my perspective. I’m so glad you were there. I feel exactly the same way about my publishing prospects. But I really don’t care anymore. I have managed, just in the last year, to create what I call “a writing life” — I live. I write. The rest of the outcomes are not really up to me. I may never get published, but I plan to meet a lot of cool people and enjoy myself while failing.

    • I loved meeting you too, Sarah. And I’m glad you didn’t think it was awkward because you’re the one I hugged instead of shaking your proffered hand. 😉 I love your perspective on the “writing life.” And as long as we’re writing, we are not failing.

  12. Yay for you!!! Not that you will read this comment because you just said you were going back to writing. I’m worried about my short-term memory. So glad you made it to both conferences. Thanks for the pics. I now feel like I was there.

    • I love reading the comments. And having the interaction–that’s one of the best parts of this gig. As you know. And I’m still holding out for you and I meeting up some day. BlogU 2015? xoxo

  13. OMG!!! Great picture!!!

    I don’t care how many people read what you write. I love what you write.

    That sounded mean..I don’t mean I don’t CARE…I hope you get billions of readers..I just mean it doesn’t make any difference because I will read either way. And now I’m just making this about myself.

    I should stop.

    You are amazing!

    • I think I look a little constipated, but I’m still in love with the picture. Thank you for your kind words. You should know that you–MICHELLE–are one of the reasons I keep going with this blog gig. I love reading your blog, and I love reading your comments. xoxo

    • I’m glad I met you too! It was really sad. I mean, it’s important for the speakers to set realistic expectations (Writing a book is HARD. Getting published is not a sure thing.) But a little encouragement would have gone a long way. Thank goodness for Jenny! xo

  16. Your writing is fantastic, and I was so happy to see you last week, but it was too short, and we didn’t get a picture together so I’m sulking and maybe photoshopping myself into your photos. Listen to Jenny. Always listen to Jenny. I’m also proud of you for approaching the actual Jenny, and NOT every random lady in a red dress like I heard some idiot (me) was doing.

    • It was way too short. I’m still sulking about that missed picture. I told my husband as we left Friday night, “BUT I DIDN’T GET MY PICTURE WITH TARA!” I’m a big fan of Photoshop, BTW. And I think you have a “Desperately Seeking Jenny” blog post in you for sure. xoxo

  17. I’m working on my wrap-up now, and YOU are in it, but not your picture. Send me a picture I can use.

    Jenny’s “Fairy godmother” told me to hangout in or near the bathroom to find her. 🙂 I love that picture of you and her. So awesome!

    It was so good to see you again and to meet Mr. Wine Pocket. You guys make a good team.

    Hugs!

    • I’m glad you got your wrap-up done. I enjoyed it very much. But not nearly as much as hanging out with you in-person. Tuesday night was ALL KINDS OF AWESOME!

  19. Hi! Aussa sent me here to look at a bad photo of her, and I’m still looking for it. Was it deleted? Once I got here though, you sucked me into your experience. It looks like you all had so much fun. I almost made it but had scheduling conflicts. Next year though, for sure!

    As for your awkwardness…I get it.

    As for Jenny’s words that spoke to you…I didn’t even hear them, and they spoke to me, too.

    As for the photos…adorable.

    I’m so glad Aussa sent me over. I’ll definitely be back.

    • The picture is still there. But, as you know, Aussa does not take bad pictures. So she looks fabulous in it–strange lighting, facial expression, and all.

      Thank you for staying and reading though. Please do come back. I’m now off to read some penis monologues.

  20. Another “I love your stuff” comment, but it’s true! You’re funny and real and awesome. I hate the feeling of hitting “publish” and then thinking, “That’s it. That was the last idea I’ll ever have. Ever. Sorry, four people who read my blog on an intermittent basis–that’s the end.” But then life happens, and another idea pops up. I love your story.

  22. Just when I thought I couldn’t love you harder.
    Just keep writing, Ms. Foxy. Just keep writing.

    I love you, mask or no mask. You’ve got me.

    Welcome to the world in front of the mask, you’re so inspiring <3

  23. I’m so glad you’ve finally come out of the face closet. Not that cartoon Foxy isn’t hot, but I prefer your real mug. Also, I’m so proud of you for putting your goals out there without apology. We are writers! We do what we do! Without regrets.

    Also, Flat Sarah is super gorgeous. *ahem*

    • Flat Sarah was the MOST BEAUTIFUL AND GORGEOUS traveling companion ever. Now let’s get writing and get our beautiful mugs out in the world. xoxo

  24. I’m glad you went to the big scary “sucks to be you if you want to write without 20 million followers” conference. It was worth it just for the people I got to meet 🙂

    Also did anyone else read “Just. Keep. Writing.” in the voice if Dory from Finding Nemo? (Just keep swimming…just keep swimming…) I think there’s a life lesson here somewhere

    • I’m so glad you did too. I was so happy to meet you and hang out. Let’s get together after your move settles down. I didn’t write it like Dory, but I’ll take it!

  25. Girl, you’re the shit. Everything I read of yours is enjoyable, you will get wherever you are going. Just keep at it. It’s so nice to see your Foxy face. xoxo

    • You flatter me. (I’ll take it. 😉 ) And thanks for hanging with me at the airport in Baltimore. That was one of my favorite parts about that conference–getting to know you better. I adore you.

  26. I also got the JUST WRITE message from blogU. I’m kind of glad I didn’t go to BlogHer because a lot of people are saying that they felt deflated. I feel deflated just thinking about it. Glad to see your lovely face on the webz. Keep writing. We are listening! xo

    • I think the presenters wanted to make sure that attendees knew that publishing a book is hard work–they just forgot the encouragement part. 🙂

      Thank you! And you keep writing too. I love your stories. xo

  27. You came out! Yay! I love this post. I feel the same way. I got the same b*tch slap at BlogHer last year – the whole forget about finding an agent part. I contemplated giving up my blog this week (again), but then I thought, “I love writing.” And so I think I’m going to make some changes and just focus on writing. I just started following The Bloggess about three weeks ago. She’s been inspiring to me and I think she helped bring back my joy of writing. I was getting bogged down by page views and making sure everything was up on every social media platform, but I wasn’t really writing anything – just regurgitating old crap. I’ve written four posts this week (two for next week) because I was encouraged. Yay!

  28. Man oh man do I struggle with this concept! I started the blog as a way to show people that my unbelievable holy shit stories DO truly happen. But I also recognize that I really want to make this something that I can use a financial reason to tell my husband to leave me alone while I’m blogging. I’m going with the middle. I do have ads but I monitor the crap out of them AND I will only work with brands that I truly use and love. During another conference, a few reps from companies that I don’t even shop from approached me but I told them that I wasn’t a whore for any old company.

    • What’s awesome, Meagan, is that you figured out what works for you (i.e., the middle ground). I struggled with this for so long. And it’s been keeping me from writing. Or distracting me from the good stuff. But, yeah, only whore it out for a good reason! 😉

  29. HOLY SHIT! I finally know what you look like! Yay! You look awesome my dear.

    I have only one thing to say to asshats who try to discourage you from being published: BITE MY ASS.

    Yes, it’s fucking hard and yes there will be rejections and disappointments but damn it, it can be done (not that I would know personally but hey, I’m just trying to be encouraging over here).

    • I need to keep repeating that: JUST KEEP WRITING. JUST KEEP WRITING. It was FABULOUS to hang out with you again (twice in one year!). Looking forward to the next time, my friend. xoxo

  31. The only thing sadder than writing a book that nobody publishes? Never finishing the book because you’re afraid nobody will publish it. I’m scared shitless, too, but we have stories that people need to hear, and we have a community that wants us (and everyone) to succeed. Onward and upward, my friend.

    Also, kudos for showing your lovely face! Please tell me you are in for BlogU15!

  32. LOVE this. I don’t know you and I’m rooting for you with all the volume I can muster in the middle of my work day in my work stall. Which means, I’m cheering in my head.
    Fantastic post.
    Go get ’em.

    • You just yelled, “FOCUS!” in my face. (Or Sean did.) That’s all I needed to hear. I’m cheering for your e-book now too. Thank you for reading!

    • Awwww, you made me cry. You really did. Thank you for hanging out with me on that Saturday. I was so lost, and it was great to sit by a friend. I just love you so much. xoxo

  34. KEEP WRITING. Exactly. Everything Jenny said. I have to repeat that to myself sometimes, too. Oh – and I have to find the time to write. Sigh.

    I heard there was a lot of discouraging stuff like that at BlogHer and I’m so sorry to hear that from people. Maybe the presenters were just trying to be realistic and lost sight of the encouragement aspect.

    I’m glad Jenny balanced it all out, though. She rocks. I’m seriously impressed (though not surprised) that with all her stuff going on in her life, she went to BlogHer and she rocked it. In a red dress, no less.

    So glad we met at BlogU and I look forward to tribing it up with you and getting to know you more!!!

    • I do think they were just trying to be realistic (except that one guy who was just an ass) and forgot the encouragement part. I was so grateful to Jenny!

      I’m so glad I met you in Baltimore as well and look forward to lots more tribe time! xoxo

  35. I wasn’t able to get to any conferences this year, but I did realize, and am realizing that I just want to write. As much as I would love to collaborate on things, and work with this or that group or brand, I just want to write. Granted, I have NO idea how or if I’d ever get published (seems to be the theme), it’s my personal goal to get my words out there.

    Thanks for being that confirmation in the universe for me.

    🙂

  36. I’m so glad to have met you, sans mask. 🙂 We’re cut from the same cloth a bit. Last year I was disillusioned with how difficult it is to get published. This year, however, I am at the same place as you – I just want to write.

  37. I love that pix of you and Jenny! If you are going to come out, THAT is the way to do it!

    I have NO doubt that you are going to find a way to get your work into people’s hands. None. (It might not be through the paleolithic publishing process, and you’ll probably be better off if it isn’t).

    You just do your thang girl, we’re all read-watching.

  38. Momma SAY WHAT?! I get to see my beautiful friend, Kelly’s face?! So. Hyped. And where does one get a flat Sarah? I REEEEAAAALLY want one!!

    Also…KEEP WRITING! I love, love, love reading your stuff. And you totally inspire ME to keep writing. And I have WAY less followers/views/subscribers than you! <3 xoxo

    P.S. One of these years, I hope we can ALL go to a conference TOGETHER! That would be the shiznet!

  39. I loved getting to know you at BlogHer – you are just the right mix of snarky, funny, and friendly – my kind of people! And can I just say I am horribly jealous that you actually got to TOUCH the Bloggess and have a picture taken? I would have tried, but I may have been nabbed by security – and I may have a warrant out for my arrest in California (there are so many in so many different states – it’s hard to remember) – so I didn’t want to risk it 😉

  40. Holy Balls!!!! THERE YOU ARE!!!! I know you (said like Buddy the Elf) and I love that I got to meet you at BlogU! 😀

    I’m really feeling this. Really. Feeling. This.

    Love it. Love you!

  41. Yea!!! You did it – there is your gorgeous self:) That was so cool we bumped into her you just had to go up and say hi! No way you couldn’t. And yes Just.Keep.Writing. – I will never forget hanging with you like Dory forgets everything BTW. So cool.

  42. I had NO idea you were an introvert! Me too. No. Srsly. It was awesome hanging out with you on your turf. Also, Molley and I owe you our lives for saving us from murderators. So thanks for that. I’m struggling with the entire self-doubt thing a lot these days. Your recap helped remind me to write for me. The readers will come or they won’t. We can’t wait to meet up with you again! 🙂

  43. I’m so late to the game but just wanted to say I LOVED THIS POST. SO GOOD! And funny. And inspirational. You hit all the right spots!