Foxy – Page 3

8 Sucky Things Tweens Do That Are Actually Awesome

My 12-year-old daughter wanted to paint her bedroom black. Instead of screaming “Hell, no!” I offered grey as a compromise. Fortunately that color was different enough from her “baby-ish” lavender walls, and she readily agreed.

My little girl is gone, and now I have a tween, which is awesome—even though tweens can suck. But they suck for good reason.

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Follow Your Dreams and Fuck the Haters

By Foxy

Follow your dreams. Be true to yourself. Fuck the haters. (Not literally--that would send the wrong message.) @foxywinepocket | humor | inspirational

That’s me. Flipping off the haters.

Recently, I taught a course called “Selling Yourself, Not Your Soul” at a blogging conference in the D.C. area. It was not, in fact, a presentation about being a spiritual prostitute.

As you might expect, however, I swore a lot, told some dirty jokes, and was, at times, completely inappropriate. Because I’m Klassy as fuck. (I think I want that on my tombstone.)

Seriously though, I was just being true to myself. And that, not-so-coincidentally, was the theme of my presentation: Be yourself. Fuck the haters. (Not literally though—please don’t have sex with the meanies.)

On my flight back home, I got to thinking about how these lessons apply to everyone, not just the blogging community. They are universal in nature.

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25 Annoying Things About Parenthood

By Foxy

Dude. Parenthood sucks--in so many ways. But, still, we love it. @foxywinepocket | humor | parenting

Yes, we all signed up to be parents, and for the most part, we love it. (Keep saying that over and over again until you believe it.) But there are some very irritating parts about this parenthood gig—things you want to sling poo at (just like your toddler does, which is also really annoying).

Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

Food Fuck-ups and Other Party Disasters

By Foxy

I'm no Julia Childs. In fact, I have a long history of fucking up things. But the secret to happiness is creating something awesome out of your disaster. @foxywinepocket | humor

As much as I’d love to cook with the expertise of Julia Childs or throw a party with the casual ease of the Barefoot Contessa, I’ve resigned myself to the sad truth that I will never be a domestic goddess.

In fact, quite frankly, I have a long history of fucking up things. [Read more…] about Food Fuck-ups and Other Party Disasters

Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

Having Fun While Your Mom Is in the ICU

By Foxy

My mother almost died a few weeks ago. Like—was rushed by ambulance to the ER, spent nine days in the hospital, needed multiple transfusions in the ICU—almost died.

To say the experience was scary and stressful is an understatement. But, we also had some fun. And, because I’m nothing if not helpful, I’ve compiled a list of ways you can have fun while your mom (or another loved one) is in ICU as well.

Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

The Really Important Chapters Missing From Parenting Manuals

By Foxy

Those parenting manuals? They miss the really important crap. But I've got you covered. @foxywinepocket | humor | parenting

Parenting books seem to focus on the very basic aspects of raising babies and toddlers and gloss over the really important things—like how to change a squirming child in the back of your minivan after a diaper blowout and how to deal with teenage angst and heartbreak.

Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

6 Things I Overlook Because I Love My Husband

By Foxy

Husbands can suck (that's what she said). But we love them anyways. @foxywinepocket | humor | snoring | farting

“If I could loan you my eyes, you would see how perfect he is.” My grandma declared this any time someone would dare insult my grandpa. She adored him, and he her. They had a true love affair.

I believe everyone should know such intense love—a feeling so strong, a bond so tight, a connection so deep that certain flaws get overlooked, because no one is perfect. Take my husband for example.

While he can always find the TV remote (even if it’s hidden in the couch cushions), he absolutely can not find any easily locatable household object ever.

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How to Create a Fantastically Horrific Circus-Themed Centerpiece

By Foxy

There comes a time in your life when you need to create the most spectacularly fucked-up centerpiece ever. I'll show you how.

There comes a time in your life when you’re required to make a circus-themed centerpiece. Maybe it’s a decoration for a child’s birthday party. Or a get-well present. Or an anniversary gift. I mean, really, what represents marriage better than mayhem and pandemonium?

And you know what evil lurks at the circus, right? CLOWNS. Fucking clowns infest the circus. And our nightmares. No circus-themed centerpiece is complete without a clown. And I’m here to show you how to make one. I’m nothing if not ~~sick~~ ~~twisted~~ helpful.

Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

The Road to Hell Is Paved with Clowns

By Foxy

My friend Ashley contends that clowns are fun and joyful. I set out to prove her wrong. @foxywinepocket | humor | clowns

If you have followed my blog for any length of time, you are probably familiar with my stance on clowns. I hate them. Not a normal level of hate, mind you. I loathe everything about them. Their beady little eyes (that bore straight into your soul). Their expressive eyebrows (that signal to their hounds of hell to go in for the kill). Their pasty, white skin (that never sees the light of day because they hunt at night). Their big, red noses (that, let’s face it, probably need some sort of antibiotic ointment—I don’t even want to imagine where those noses have been).

My friend Ashley constantly teases me about my level of disdain for the painted archangels of the circus.

Ashley: How can you not like clowns? They’re so fun and happy.
Me: They’re vile and evil and full of dark, murderous plans.
Ashley: What?! They’re full of joy!
Me: They are harbingers of the apocalypse.
Ashley: You’re crazy. Clowns are wonderful. You can’t make me dislike them.
Me: CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.

Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

What Not to Wear: A Dress Guide

By Foxy

What Not to Wear: A Spring Dress Guide—These are seriously horrible dresses. @foxywinepocket

Everyone needs a brand-new dress every once in a while, right? Something special and fun that makes you feel fabulous? Like glitter and rainbows? (That’s exactly why I’m in the market for a new dress, not because I’ve gained five… okay, ten… FINE, I’ve put on fifteen pounds sitting on my ass writing a book ~~and drinking wine~~ for the past two years.)

Now, we all have certain styles that look better than others on us. Me? I’ve got a straight waist and a flat butt so I tend to look better in empire waisted and/or fit & flare dresses so as to give me the illusion of a waistline. And an ass.

I’ve been doing some online shopping at Nordstrom, of course. Why would I actually go to a store when I can peruse the racks in my pajamas while drinking wine? I mean, I guess I could do that at the store too, but the last time I did, Security asked me to leave.

Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

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