Foxy Wine Pocket

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Happy New Year!

By Foxy

I hope you all enjoyed your festivities last night. My neighbors threw an epic party, and I’m limping along. I’ll be taking it easy today for sure. If you need some reading material with your hangover (or hair of the dog), I highly recommend you go back through this blog and check out any articles you may have missed over the last year. And share them with all of your friends. Everywhere.

To get you started, here are several of my favorites (in no particular order):

  • Black Nipple Hair Crisis
  • That’s a Good Jesus Story
  • Warning: I’m Gonna Talk About Blowjobs
  • Blowjobs Part II (The One Where Dan Still Doesn’t Get One)
  • My Boobs vs. The Bra-Fitting Specialist
  • They’re Always Listening
  • I Promise Not to Gross You Out With the Details
  • Confessions of a Crappy Tooth Fairy
  • “I Have an Announcement to Make: My Mom Is Pooping!” (NSFW)
  • How College Boys Prepare You for Kids (TMI Alert)

Now go find your favorite article and press one of those little share/like buttons at the bottom. Happy New Year!


Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

Filed Under: Around the Neighborhood, Wine

I Lied

By Foxy

Oh, did I say I’d be back today? I lied. I’m drinking wine instead and mentally preparing myself to deliver my own eulogy at the “Dead Celebrity” NYE party I’m attending later tonight. But I guess if I’m here right now that means I didn’t completely lie. So let’s drink to that!

Happy New Year! Enjoy your festivities, and please stay safe.


Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

Filed Under: Around the Neighborhood, Wine

These Are the Assholes in My Neighborhood*

By Foxy

It’s been a rough month out there in the neighborhood. I don’t know if it’s the economy or gearing up for the holidays or what. But there are a lot of assholes out there. And they’re pissing me off.  Here’s my current list:

  • Judgey grocery store cashiers who eye my ponytail and yoga pants with judgey judgment. Dude—I’m here, aren’t I? Buying food and supplies for my family? Keeping us nourished and healthy? (Never you mind that case of wine.)
  • Moms who dress up for Back-to-School night (or any other nighttime function) like they’re going out on the town. (I’ll give you a pass if you’re single and looking for another single parent.) But, otherwise, come on. This isn’t a beauty pageant, and no grades are riding on your appearance. I mean, I may have sniffed my armpits before I entered the classroom, but that’s about it.
  • Rude people to baristas. You condescending, picky bitches. It’s coffee for criminy sakes. They make a lot of it. And, let’s face it, your order was so ridiculous I’m not sure you could even repeat it. Lay off the barista.
  • Solicitors. All of yous. Read the fucking sign and go away. What? You’re not selling anything? Look up the word solicit in the dictionary: “[to] ask for or try to obtain (something) from someone.” You can’t have my money, my signature, or my soul. (Believe me, I sold that a long time ago.) Go. The. Fuck. Away.
  • My sciatic nerve. That fucker just can’t leave me alone. All I’m trying to do is walk Ziggy the Dog. It would be nice if I could do so without excruciating pain running down my ass through my legs and into my feet. Fuck you.
  • People who don’t return shopping carts to the shopping cart return area. How hard is it to walk across the parking lot to return the cart that YOU BORROWED. Your abandoned cart is now blocking parking spaces, killing plants, or dinging cars. I hate you.
  • The grocery store cashier who doesn’t card me. Or worse—the ones that “ma’ams” me. Haven’t you learned to card every woman in the world? And call her “Miss?” If not, go back to training. I swear you will get more tips, more compliments, more everything if you pretend with us—just for a little while.
  • The fundraiser pitch person at school. God damn you. You did your job so well that my kids now want (me) to sell the ENTIRE catalog to earn that pile of cheap, crappy shit you call awards. So now I have to buy crap in order to earn crap for my kids. Awesome.

In completely unrelated news, I got my period this morning.

*So I don’t punch anyone in the face, I just walk away and sing, “These are the assholes in my neighborhood” to the tune of Sesame Street’s “People in Your Neighborhood.” It’s surprisingly calming.

Photo by: Wikimedia

“Launch of Sesame Street Spaghetti Space Chase” by Walter Lim is licensed under CC BY 2.0


Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

Filed Under: Around the Neighborhood

How Do You Not Know This Is Happening?

By Foxy

Butt Crack

I mean… It happens to the best of us, but once you start feeling breezy, FIX THAT SHIT.


Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

Filed Under: #notwinning, Around the Neighborhood

Do These Yoga Pants Make My Butt Look Fat?

By Foxy

While walking Ziggy the Dog last weekend. I ran into a childhood friend. It’s been almost two decades since I last saw her, but I recognized her right away. I walked up to her to say hello. She replied, “I thought that was you. I saw you talking, but I wasn’t sure. Then I saw your butt, and I knew it was you.”

Now, my name is not Beyoncé so I’m going to assume that wasn’t a compliment. What the fuckity fuck? Clearly I need to do more squats. Or just drink more wine and forget about it. I’m pretty sure I’ll be focusing on the latter.


Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

Filed Under: #notwinning, Around the Neighborhood, Wine

Sausage Pig Says, “Happy Monday!”

By Foxy

One of the many reasons I love Zanotto’s… Their housemade tortilla chips and avocado salsa verde are two more. Damn. Now I’m hungry.


Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

Filed Under: Around the Neighborhood, Shopping

This Just In… Treat Yo Self

By Foxy

This morning I walked down to the Avenue to buy a birthday present for a dear friend. I just happened to find a little something for myself as well. Seemed only fair, right?

#rewardforexercising


Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

Filed Under: Around the Neighborhood, Shopping

This Just In… I Love My New Neighborhood

By Foxy

I knew I moved to the right neighborhood the night I verified that my house is within stumbling, errrr, walking distance from the local wine bar.


Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

Filed Under: Around the Neighborhood, This Just In..., Wine

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