Foxy Wine Pocket

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Where Did the Murder Hornets Go?

By Foxy

ASSHOLE DOG

Mr. Foxy and I have a looong history with rescue animals. When we met, I had a rat, and he had a bunny. After we started dating, he added a kitten (because he’s allergic to dogs), and not to be outdone, I adopted a cat of my own. Then, after we moved in together got married, we found an abandoned kitty in the parking lot of Chili’s restaurant so (obviously) we instantly had a third cat (named Chili, of course). Somewhere along the line, the bunny moved to a farm, and the rat died. (RIP, Buttercup.)

Then, a couple of years later, we stupidly added a fourth cat. (He was the devil.) And a few years after that, a dog (because Mr. Foxy decided he wasn’t going to be allergic to them anymore). A year after that, a second dog.

If you’re keeping tally, you will note that at the height of our insanity, we had four cats and two dogs. At the same time. So what did we do after that?

[Read more…] about Where Did the Murder Hornets Go?


Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

Filed Under: Random, You're Welcome

Things to Know Before Accidentally Exposing a Sex Abuse Scandal

By Foxy

Hello? *tap, tap, tap* Is this thing on?

Oh hey. Remember me? It’s Foxy. I used to tell you funny stories. Well, I’m still here, and I still like to write ridiculous shit. I’m still collecting phallic Cheetos, snuggling with my rescue puppies, and enjoying all things wine and bacon. Alas, I have a new hobby—apparently—which is to inadvertently uncover decades-long sexual misconduct scandals and make myself a public target for hate speech and victim shaming.

I wish I were kidding on that last one.

[Read more…] about Things to Know Before Accidentally Exposing a Sex Abuse Scandal


Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

Filed Under: #notwinning, #winning, Random, Serious Side

Rage Gardening™

By Foxy

I invented a new way to do yardwork called Rage Gardening™. I'm going to be rich. Or at least a little more sane. @foxywinepocket #humorI have been neglecting my garden. That is not a euphemism for something else; my lady garden is just fine, thankyouverymuch. No, I’ve been failing the plants in my front yard and courtyard (my fancy word for our teeny-tiny back yard).

Part of it is the California drought. Part of it is that I just don’t have the energy. Part of it is SQUIRREL!!!! .

But I have rediscovered my joy for the dirt, the outdoors, and caring for all forms of life. (Except the nasty Pooping Tree.) And I found it through a technique I call Rage Gardening™.

[Read more…] about Rage Gardening™



Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

Filed Under: #winning, Random

Only Serial Killers and Parents Collect Teeth

By Foxy

I had a really weird dream. You know you want to read about it. I swear I'm not crazy. @foxywinepocket | humor | dreams

One of the side effects of the medication I take is that I have incredibly vivid and detailed dreams. I’m not talking about sex dreams (although those are pretty great too). I’m talking about the crazy-ass elephants that dance in my head ALL NIGHT LONG. And leave rainbow footprints behind in my brain.

[Read more…] about Only Serial Killers and Parents Collect Teeth



Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

Filed Under: Random

The Poop Club

By Foxy

Not to be dramatic or anything, but I almost died last week. Like, I couldn’t walk or talk or even move beyond (barely) breathing. I did cry a lot though. And my insides melted into the mattress as my body tried to incinerate itself with a very high fever. I picked up this nasty bug—named the Erma Flu—at a writer’s conference the week before. And it KICKED. MY. ASS.

[Read more…] about The Poop Club



Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

Filed Under: #notwinning, #winning, Random

Dancing the Dead Dog Jig

By Foxy

Sometimes out of nowhere, a song latches on to your brain and won't let go. Actually, it happens to me quite frequently. And this story is horrible. @foxywinepocket | humor

Sometimes out of nowhere, a song latches on to your brain, slithers through the gyri, and won’t leave until you stick an icepick in your ear.

Actually, that happens to me quite frequently. Commercial jingles and 70s sitcom theme songs surprise and “delight” me by their random appearances in my head. (Unless it’s Friday. I hate that shit.)

Naturally I feel obliged to infect entertain everyone around me by sharing those songs.

Loudly.

[Read more…] about Dancing the Dead Dog Jig



Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

Filed Under: Love & Marriage, Random

22 Things You’re REALLY Doing on Facebook

By Foxy

We know you're not really using Facebook for what it was intended. You're spying on people--just like the rest of us. @foxywinepocket.com | humor

We all know Facebook—that social networking site designed for interacting with friends and family and connecting with other people who share similar interests. Some of us even use it for “work.”

But we all know what you’re really doing there, and it’s not quite as innocuous.

[Read more…] about 22 Things You’re REALLY Doing on Facebook



Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

Filed Under: Random

How I Answer “The Question”

By Foxy

I was asked a very personal question. Naturally, I fumbled my way through it and then WALKED AWAY. @foxywinepocket | humor

“So, what do you do?” My husband’s new CFO asked me at the Christmas party.

“I’m a writer,” I said with confidence.

“What do you write about?”

“Uhhh, well, lots of things. Humor mostly. Some serious stuff.”

“I love to laugh. What kind of humor do you write?”

Not wanting to gamble my husband’s new job, I avoided all discussion of my pubic grooming habits, sex life, and blowjobs. “Oh you know, parenting humor and, uh, stuff. Wait. Are those more egg rolls?”

And I WALKED AWAY.

[Read more…] about How I Answer “The Question”



Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

Filed Under: #winning, Books, Random

WTF Is on My Face?

By Foxy

I’ve got something happening on my face. Something bad. Like red, bumpy, meth-face bad. @foxywinepocket | humor

I’ve got something happening on my face. Something bad. Like red, bumpy, meth-face bad.

It all started a few months ago. At first I thought the ailment was acne. Because Mother Nature is an asshole and continues to punish me with pimples even though I’ve moved to the wrinkle-and-whisker phase of life. I tried covering the infestation with makeup. Only then I had a cake-y, beige-y, hot mess going on.

[Read more…] about WTF Is on My Face?



Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

Filed Under: #notwinning, Random

If You Give Foxy a Fish Head…

By Foxy

I promise I know how to behave properly in public. I can keep my voice down. I practice good manners. I follow my own rules of swearing. I’ll only wrestle with you if I really love you.

But, dammit, if you put a fish head on my plate, I’m going to play with it. I can’t just eat around it like a civilized person and leave it alone. In true Foxy fashion, I’m going to turn it into dinner and a show.

[Read more…] about If You Give Foxy a Fish Head…



Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

Filed Under: Around the Neighborhood, Random

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Best of Foxy Wine Pocket

  • My First (and Last) Brazilian
  • The Pooping Tree
  • What Women Think About Blowjobs
  • Why I Should (Not?) Teach Sex Ed
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