#winning – Page 2

Dick Pics and Breadsticks

I recently attended a writer’s conference in Dayton, Ohio. One of the biggest perks of these type of conferences is that you get to spend time drinking networking with your online writing friends in real life. People you otherwise would not meet in-person.

I shared a hotel room with Lola Lolita, and along with Sassypiehole (just call her Sassy—that’s what I do), we attempted to drink all of the wine in the entire city of Dayton. Three days in a row. Fortunately we never passed stage 4 on the scale of drunkenness.

On the last night of the conference, in denial that my time with my friends would be coming to an end, Lola and I held sweet Charlotte hostage in our hotel room, while Quirky Chrissy ordered pizza and breadsticks and poured wine for everyone. (God bless her.)

Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

The Poop Club

By Foxy

Not to be dramatic or anything, but I almost died last week. Like, I couldn’t walk or talk or even move beyond (barely) breathing. I did cry a lot though. And my insides melted into the mattress as my body tried to incinerate itself with a very high fever. I picked up this nasty bug—named the Erma Flu—at a writer’s conference the week before. And it KICKED. MY. ASS.

[Read more…] about The Poop Club

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A Foxy Lesson for the New Year

By Foxy

Recently I adopted a new personal philosophy. A new way of life. I created the NOPE Movement—a movement in which I say “NOPE” to the all of bullshit around me.

Apparently this extended to the holidays as well. Because I’m done with holiday madness and stress. DONE.

Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

How I Answer “The Question”

By Foxy

I was asked a very personal question. Naturally, I fumbled my way through it and then WALKED AWAY. @foxywinepocket | humor

“So, what do you do?” My husband’s new CFO asked me at the Christmas party.

“I’m a writer,” I said with confidence.

“What do you write about?”

“Uhhh, well, lots of things. Humor mostly. Some serious stuff.”

“I love to laugh. What kind of humor do you write?”

Not wanting to gamble my husband’s new job, I avoided all discussion of my pubic grooming habits, sex life, and blowjobs. “Oh you know, parenting humor and, uh, stuff. Wait. Are those more egg rolls?”

And I WALKED AWAY.

Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

17 Perfectly Acceptable Excuses Only Moms Can Make

By Foxy

Any way you slice it, motherhood is hard work. In fact, it’s the likely the toughest job you’ll ever have. Fortunately, being a mom also provides you with one giant perk: the ability to get out of doing things that you don’t want to do and going places you don’t want to go. (Not that I’ve ever used any of these excuses myself – if you have heard me use any of these, it was because it was the honest-to-goodness truth. I swear.)

Whether you have social anxiety or just don’t want to attend another gender reveal party, every phase of motherhood can help you out.

Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

The Power of NOPE

By Foxy

Discover the power of NOPE. Join The NOPE Movement and just say "NOPE" to any and all bullshit. @foxywinepocket.com | humor | NOPE

I bought a shirt the other day. Initially I bought it because my friend’s nine-year-old daughter created the design, which I thought was genius and hilarious. Also, I like to support my friends in their artistic endeavors. (I *swear* I’m not trying to guilt-trip you into buying one of my books.)

But, seriously, how awesome is this shirt?

[Read more…] about The Power of NOPE

Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

Depression and Anxiety Walk into a Bar …

By Foxy

Depression-26283617_s

Okay, I don’t actually have a joke. I’m just awkwardly introducing a different kind of post. See, depression and anxiety have walked back into my life, and they don’t seem to want to leave. Like intrusive houseguests who have overstayed their welcome, they are invading my space and turning me into someone I don’t recognize. (Somebody smells bad in this particular analogy, and I’m pretty sure it’s me.)

Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

The Good and Bad News about Having a Tweenager

By Foxy

You’ve enjoyed the sweet spot of parenting for several years, but now you’re here in the Tweenager Trenches. I’ve got good news for you … and some bad news. @foxywinepocket | humor | tweenagers

You’ve been enjoying the sweet spot of parenting since your children outgrew the pre-schooler phase, but now you’re wallowing in the Tween Trenches. Well, I’ve got good news for you about your tweenager… and some bad news.

Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

How to Be the Best Crappy Tooth Fairy Ever

By Foxy

I was a crappy tooth fairy. Because of that, I have some honest-to-goodness, save-your-tooth-swapping-ass tips that you’ll never find in any parenting books. Get ready to lower your standards and achieve greatness. @foxywinepocket | humor

Parenting experts want to lecture you on breastfeeding, sleep training, discipline, and all sorts of child-rearing topics. Their unending spew of “helpful” advice can drown you if you’re not careful. Unfortunately they have left several key parenting topics out of their ~~books of lies~~ manuals. Perhaps because the topics are too difficult to tackle. Perhaps the folks are not the experts they claim to be. Perhaps they are just too scared.

Well, I for one am not afraid to discuss the tough stuff. The scary stuff. Like how to be a good Tooth Fairy (or any other mythical creature). I know I was a monumentally crappy tooth fairy, but in hindsight, I have some honest-to-goodness, save-your-tooth-swapping-ass tips that you’ll never find in Dr. Spock’s Baby and Child Care book.

Get ready to lower your standards and achieve greatness.

Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

Before You Invite Me to Your House, Read This

By Foxy

Wherein I explore (and possibly defile) my friend's house while looking for her hidden stash. Isn't this what everyone does? @foxywinepocket

By all outward appearances, I’m an excellent houseguest. I bring hostess gifts (usually salted chocolate caramels from Shurra’s). I’m clean and quiet. I even bring my soiled linens (as in used, not peed on or anything) to the laundry room.

But maybe, just maybe, you shouldn’t leave me alone in your house.

Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

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