Me, uncensored.
Although we don’t talk every day, I think about you constantly. An inside joke here, a shared sorrow there—I love these reminders of you, and I want to ensure you know a few things.
[Read more…] about 25 Things I Want To Tell My BFF
Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)
I recently attended a writer’s conference in Dayton, Ohio. One of the biggest perks of these type of conferences is that you get to spend time drinking networking with your online writing friends in real life. People you otherwise would not meet in-person.
I shared a hotel room with Lola Lolita, and along with Sassypiehole (just call her Sassy—that’s what I do), we attempted to drink all of the wine in the entire city of Dayton. Three days in a row. Fortunately we never passed stage 4 on the scale of drunkenness.
On the last night of the conference, in denial that my time with my friends would be coming to an end, Lola and I held sweet Charlotte hostage in our hotel room, while Quirky Chrissy ordered pizza and breadsticks and poured wine for everyone. (God bless her.)
[Read more…] about Dick Pics and Breadsticks
Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)
Not to be dramatic or anything, but I almost died last week. Like, I couldn’t walk or talk or even move beyond (barely) breathing. I did cry a lot though. And my insides melted into the mattress as my body tried to incinerate itself with a very high fever. I picked up this nasty bug—named the Erma Flu—at a writer’s conference the week before. And it KICKED. MY. ASS.
[Read more…] about The Poop Club
Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)
Recently I adopted a new personal philosophy. A new way of life. I created the NOPE Movement—a movement in which I say “NOPE” to the all of bullshit around me.
Apparently this extended to the holidays as well. Because I’m done with holiday madness and stress. DONE.
[Read more…] about A Foxy Lesson for the New Year
Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)
“So, what do you do?” My husband’s new CFO asked me at the Christmas party.
“I’m a writer,” I said with confidence.
“What do you write about?”
“Uhhh, well, lots of things. Humor mostly. Some serious stuff.”
“I love to laugh. What kind of humor do you write?”
Not wanting to gamble my husband’s new job, I avoided all discussion of my pubic grooming habits, sex life, and blowjobs. “Oh you know, parenting humor and, uh, stuff. Wait. Are those more egg rolls?”
And I WALKED AWAY.
[Read more…] about How I Answer “The Question”
Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)
Any way you slice it, motherhood is hard work. In fact, it’s the likely the toughest job you’ll ever have. Fortunately, being a mom also provides you with one giant perk: the ability to get out of doing things that you don’t want to do and going places you don’t want to go. (Not that I’ve ever used any of these excuses myself – if you have heard me use any of these, it was because it was the honest-to-goodness truth. I swear.)
Whether you have social anxiety or just don’t want to attend another gender reveal party, every phase of motherhood can help you out.
[Read more…] about 17 Perfectly Acceptable Excuses Only Moms Can Make
Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)
I bought a shirt the other day. Initially I bought it because my friend’s nine-year-old daughter created the design, which I thought was genius and hilarious. Also, I like to support my friends in their artistic endeavors. (I *swear* I’m not trying to guilt-trip you into buying one of my books.)
But, seriously, how awesome is this shirt?
[Read more…] about The Power of NOPE
Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)
Okay, I don’t actually have a joke. I’m just awkwardly introducing a different kind of post. See, depression and anxiety have walked back into my life, and they don’t seem to want to leave. Like intrusive houseguests who have overstayed their welcome, they are invading my space and turning me into someone I don’t recognize. (Somebody smells bad in this particular analogy, and I’m pretty sure it’s me.)
[Read more…] about Depression and Anxiety Walk into a Bar …
Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)
You’ve been enjoying the sweet spot of parenting since your children outgrew the pre-schooler phase, but now you’re wallowing in the Tween Trenches. Well, I’ve got good news for you about your tweenager… and some bad news.
[Read more…] about The Good and Bad News about Having a Tweenager
Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)
Parenting experts want to lecture you on breastfeeding, sleep training, discipline, and all sorts of child-rearing topics. Their unending spew of “helpful” advice can drown you if you’re not careful. Unfortunately they have left several key parenting topics out of their books of lies manuals. Perhaps because the topics are too difficult to tackle. Perhaps the folks are not the experts they claim to be. Perhaps they are just too scared.
Well, I for one am not afraid to discuss the tough stuff. The scary stuff. Like how to be a good Tooth Fairy (or any other mythical creature). I know I was a monumentally crappy tooth fairy, but in hindsight, I have some honest-to-goodness, save-your-tooth-swapping-ass tips that you’ll never find in Dr. Spock’s Baby and Child Care book.
Get ready to lower your standards and achieve greatness.
[Read more…] about How to Be the Best Crappy Tooth Fairy Ever
Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)
