It is Friday, after all. Fridays don’t count, right?
The silver lining about being stuck at home because your foster dog has severe separation anxiety so you can’t leave her alone for even one minute but you can’t take her anywhere with you in the car because she also has anxiety-induced car sickness?
You can start drinking much earlier in the day.
The Xanax didn’t work for the foster dog’s separation anxiety. It just made her less inhibited and, as such, a bit aggressive toward Ziggy the Dog (the family dog). So I stopped giving them to her. And now I’ve got a bottle with 25 pills left in it. Right here in front of me.
What to do, what to do…
I hope you had a great Christmas. If you’re like me, your kids are home (that includes my husband), the house is a complete disaster, and the foster dog is peeing all over the place (or maybe that’s just happening at my house). I’m going to take some time off and hide with a couple of bottles of wine and a few gallons of Nature’s Miracle. I’ll be back on the 31st. Cheers to you all!
Yesterday the UPS guy delivered two boxes: one from Zappos and one from a winery. Shoes and booze. I totally high-fived him on his way back to the truck.
Dan (looking me up and down after I come into the kitchen freshly showered and dressed for the day): …
Dan: “Uh, didn’t you just work out?”
Me: “Yeah… And then I took a shower?”
Dan: “Then why are you wearing workout clothes?”
Me: “These aren’t workout clothes. These are active mom clothes.”
Dan: “Huh. Then what are you going to wear to work out next?”
Me: “These clothes.”
Dan: “You’re going to take them off tonight, put on pajamas, and then put them back on in the morning to work out?
Me: “No. After today is over, this outfit becomes my pajamas. After I sleep in them tonight, they become tomorrow’s workout clothes.”
Dan (staring at my blankly): …
Me: “I don’t think you appreciate how much money I’m saving us by using this outfit three different ways. Not to mention that I’m reducing laundry.”
Dan: (staring at my blankly): …
Men just don’t get it.
Dan and I use Google Calendar to keep track of the family schedule. It’s a very handy way to record crap so we don’t double-book ourselves and then piss each other off (which happened a lot). It’s also great to be able to access the calendar on our smart phones from anywhere. We keep track of the kids’ school schedules, extracurricular activities, what we’re having for dinner, when I’m going shoe shopping, when I’m going out drinking with friends, when I expect Dan to mow the lawn or do other shit around the house. You know, the essentials.
Most of our calendar is fairly mundane, but these are a handful of my favorite events from the past year or so:
And my all-time favorite:
A ridiculous amount of coffee and booze is consumed in the process of writing these stories. Add some fuel if you'd like to keep me going!