Foxy Wine Pocket

Of Love and Mixtapes

The first time I kissed Mr. Foxy, I immediately knew he was “the one.” Surreal and glittery and heart stopping, the moment our lips touched, I saw our entire future together, and it was warm and tingly. (I’m talking about the vision, not my lady parts.)

So what did I do after I discovered we were destined for each other? Well, I broke up with him. Naturally.

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The Problem with Multi-Colored Rugs

By Foxy

We recently adopted quite possibly the most adorable puppy ever. On doggy death row because of several birth defects, Scooter has a difficult time walking straight and frequently stumbles around like a drunk. (No comparisons to me, thankyouverymuch.) But he’s a total sweetie, not in any pain, and a lovely companion.

Multi-colored rugs and puppy poop created my worst nightmare.

And, OMG, LOOK AT THAT FACE.

Scooter keeps me company in the dining room where I write in a makeshift office space at the table. But the slippery wood floors are a bit tough for him to walk on. When he’s not on the area rug under the table, he often falls on his face. And his butt. And all over the place. (Again, no need for comparisons to yours truly.)

Anyhow, I decided to move my office downstairs to the basement, which is carpeted. The carpeting would make it easier for him to get around and to wrestle with our other dog, which would be great physical therapy.

So I gathered up my supplies from the dining room and brought the first load downstairs. I threw away moved my children’s art supplies from the desk-turned-craft-table, reclaimed it as my own, and started setting up my new writing station when I heard my husband’s frantic voice booming from upstairs, “YOU BETTER STAY OUT OF THE KITCHEN!”

Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

Rejected Bandages and Other Badges of Motherhood

By Foxy

“Bacon is my favorite long food!” At age three, my son gifted me one of my proudest mommy moments:

My child could properly categorize food, and he appreciated one of the most magical flavors in the world.

Not that I’m biased, but bacon really is the best long food. And flat food. And able-to-be-crumbled food. I’ve been known to mix it with nuts. Put it in pancakes. And create an entire dinner party menu in which every single dish—from appetizers to dessert—includes bacon.

To celebrate my son’s newfound enthusiasm for cured pork and to support his insatiable bandage habit (he goes through approximately 20,000 each week), I purchased a shit-ton of, you guessed it, bacon bandages.

Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

Beware of Bears in Canada

By Foxy

Much to the dismay of Canadians everywhere, many Americans feel like Canada is just another US state. A kinder, gentler, more apologetic US state, but a US state nonetheless. (Maybe it’s all of the beer, weed, and Tim Horton’s coffee y’all got up there, eh?)

Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

10 Ways We Delude Ourselves When The Kids Go Back To School

By Foxy

Oh, we think we are going to get so much accomplished once this kids go back to school. HAHAHA!!! @foxywinepocket | humor | back to school

After a long summer break, your kids have finally started school again. You’ve got big plans and an endless supply of motivation. You are going to be hyper productive and complete ALLOFTHETHINGS on your ever-growing to-do list.

Well, I’ve got news for you. You, like the rest of us, are probably deluding yourself. The cold, hard reality is, you’ll likely never achieve those back-to-school goals.

Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

The REAL Love Your Spouse Challenge

By Foxy

I’ve been seeing all these beautiful pictures of my friends and their spouses on Facebook in the “Love Your Spouse Challenge,” a seven-day challenge designed to “celebrate your special union.” First dates. Weddings. Nights out on the town. Perfection, right?

Some of you have even created hilarious spoofs by posting pictures of your grilled-cheese sandwiches, burritos, and doughnuts (don’t you spell it “donut” or I will cut you). Hilarious, for sure, but not the real challenge.

The glamour shots aren’t the real challenge either though. It’s too easy to post flawless pictures of you and your spouse—special moments and occasions that highlight your love at its finest. What about the ugly moments? The hard ones? (That’s what she said.) The unflattering pictures? That’s where the real challenge comes in.

Allow me to up the ante.

Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

Rage Gardening™

By Foxy

I have been neglecting my garden. That is not a euphemism for something else; my lady garden is just fine, thankyouverymuch. No, I’ve been failing the plants in my front yard and courtyard (my fancy word for our teeny-tiny back yard).

Part of it is the California drought. Part of it is that I just don’t have the energy. Part of it is SQUIRREL!!!! .

But I have rediscovered my joy for the dirt, the outdoors, and caring for all forms of life. (Except the nasty Pooping Tree.) And I found it through a technique I call Rage Gardening™.

[Read more…] about Rage Gardening™

Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

Only Serial Killers and Parents Collect Teeth

By Foxy

I had a really weird dream. You know you want to read about it. I swear I'm not crazy. @foxywinepocket | humor | dreams

One of the side effects of the medication I take is that I have incredibly vivid and detailed dreams. I’m not talking about sex dreams (although those are pretty great too). I’m talking about the crazy-ass elephants that dance in my head ALL NIGHT LONG. And leave rainbow footprints behind in my brain.

Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

8 Sucky Things Tweens Do That Are Actually Awesome

By Foxy

My 12-year-old daughter wanted to paint her bedroom black. Instead of screaming “Hell, no!” I offered grey as a compromise. Fortunately that color was different enough from her “baby-ish” lavender walls, and she readily agreed.

My little girl is gone, and now I have a tween, which is awesome—even though tweens can suck. But they suck for good reason.

Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

Follow Your Dreams and Fuck the Haters

By Foxy

Follow your dreams. Be true to yourself. Fuck the haters. (Not literally--that would send the wrong message.) @foxywinepocket | humor | inspirational

That’s me. Flipping off the haters.

Recently, I taught a course called “Selling Yourself, Not Your Soul” at a blogging conference in the D.C. area. It was not, in fact, a presentation about being a spiritual prostitute.

As you might expect, however, I swore a lot, told some dirty jokes, and was, at times, completely inappropriate. Because I’m Klassy as fuck. (I think I want that on my tombstone.)

Seriously though, I was just being true to myself. And that, not-so-coincidentally, was the theme of my presentation: Be yourself. Fuck the haters. (Not literally though—please don’t have sex with the meanies.)

On my flight back home, I got to thinking about how these lessons apply to everyone, not just the blogging community. They are universal in nature.

Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

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