Foxy Wine Pocket

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If You Had a Dirty Little Secret, Would You Tell Your Spouse?

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I did something the other day that required a confession to my husband. Would you have done it? @foxywinepocket | humor

It’s no secret that I will never again wax my hoo-ha. But that doesn’t mean I don’t like to spruce up my nether region for Mr. Foxy. I mean, I don’t go crazy on the vaginal beautification front, but I like to keep things neat. Mostly that involves shaving.

Recently, however, my friend was describing how she kept her kitty “High and Tight,” meaning short all over and clean-shaven around the edges. Think “crew cut” for the lady down below.

As my wedding anniversary was approaching, I wanted to try something new and different for Mr. Foxy. “High and Tight” sounded like just the thing.

As the tactics of such a haircut started rushing into my head, I had a conversation with myself about this. Naturally.

Me: High and Tight, huh? What tools should I use?
Myself: Anything but scissors and that horrible torture device you used when you were young and stupid.
Me: Oh, dear God, no. That was like getting your pubes stuck in the tires of a remote control car
Myself: Yes, it was.
Me: How about Mr. Foxy’s beard trimmer?
Myself: That seems kind of wrong. You know, it being for Mr. Foxy’s beard and all. You know…on his face?
Me: Consider this your lady beard.
Myself: SOLD.

So there I was … standing over the toilet with a garbage can on the toilet lid. One leg was straddling the garbage can to catch the random hairs (I couldn’t become a pubic menace) while the other leg was on the ground, shaking a bit at the knee. Not my sexiest pose.

Me: This seems so wrong.
Myself: I just don’t want it to hurt.
Me: Here goes nothing.

But it didn’t hurt. Not even one little (lady) bit.

Myself: Oh hey. That’s rather nice. A little buzzing. No blood or flying follicles.
Me: You could keep going. And going… And going…

The actual trimming only took about a minute or so. But I kept going for a few more minutes … you know, just to be sure I was thorough. After I finished up, I started cleaning Mr. Foxy’s beard trimmer, and I got to thinking.

Me: Maybe you should have asked Mr. Foxy first.
Myself: WHY? Oh yeah. That was your hot pocket you just trimmed. Maybe it would have been polite to get permission.
Me: Should I tell him now?
Myself: ABSOLUTELY NOT!
Me: But…
Myself: Okay. You probably should. Maybe offer to buy him another trimmer? I wouldn’t mind keeping this one anyhow.

So me, myself, and I worked up the nerve to text Mr. Foxy and dish out my dirty little secret.

Me: I, uhhh, just used your beard trimmer on my (freshly showered) lady bits. After I did it, I realized I probably should have asked you first. I cleaned it very thoroughly, but I’ll buy you a new one if you want.
Mr. Foxy (not missing a beat): My beard has already spent time down there. It’s fine.

Whew. I was off the hook.

And the results? Well, let’s just say that Mr. Foxy was pleased with the new do and leave it at that. In fact, he was so pleased, he later told me, “I used your pubic hair trimmer on my face. Doesn’t my goatee look good?”

I did something the other day that required a confession to my husband. Would you have done it? @foxywinepocket | humor

Photo Credit: wavebreakmediamicro / 123RF Stock Photo


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Comments

  4. I can’t decide who wins the funny in this one… And also, when I meet Mr. Foxy, he’ll have to be satisfied with a fist bump instead of a kiss on the cheek. You understand.

  7. I… I…
    I feel dirty.
    I started reading, realised what it was about and then I couldn’t stop.
    Now my dirty little secret is that I read a blog about a lady trimming her bits and I enjoyed it (in a funny way not a sexy way obviously) should I tell the bf… I dunno.
    pinknoam recently posted…Sisterhood of the World Bloggers AwardMy Profile

  10. I didn’t even know the “high and tight” had a name. I’ve been using my hubb’s beard trimmer for the same style for 15 years…..but he doesn’t know…..lol

  13. Best response ever.

    But the real question is, did it start itching two days later? It’s the itching that always kills me when I try to style down there.

    (and if the answer is no, I may have to go find Momus’ beard trimmer).
    Cassandra recently posted…My Orthopedic Joy RideMy Profile

  15. This is extra hilarious to me because Nutty Hubby has been sporting a goatee lately and as a result I’ve been trying to persuade him to invest in a beard trimmer, not entirely without my own ulterior motives.

    All this story has done is convince me to try harder.
    Spoken Like A True Nut recently posted…Take his hand, you dumbass.My Profile

  16. This is gold!
    However the only person I know that has a beard trimmer doesn’t live in my house. And it’s my step-son. So, awkward.

    I like Mr. Foxy and I don’t even know him 🙂

  18. I used to use Doc’s beard trimmer on the sly – however, when he left, he took that device with him and now the shrubbery is getting a bit out of control. I guess it doesn’t matter just now, since no one is seeing or playing in the garden, but I may have to break down and buy my own someday. Do they make them in pretty colors?
    Jana recently posted…Throwback Thursday – Showing My AssMy Profile

  21. Totally reminded me of when my daughter was about 3 and in the shower with me. She asked, “Why don’t you shave your beard like daddy?” I said, “Honey, I don’t have a beard…” I got a puzzled look then an explanation, “I mean your front butt beard!”
    And if my hubs told me I couldn’t use his trimmer, then that would be the end of things staying tidy down there. Therefore he has no problem sharing. 😀

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