It’s no secret that I will never again wax my hoo-ha. But that doesn’t mean I don’t like to spruce up my nether region for Mr. Foxy. I mean, I don’t go crazy on the vaginal beautification front, but I like to keep things neat. Mostly that involves shaving.
Recently, however, my friend was describing how she kept her kitty “High and Tight,” meaning short all over and clean-shaven around the edges. Think “crew cut” for the lady down below.
As my wedding anniversary was approaching, I wanted to try something new and different for Mr. Foxy. “High and Tight” sounded like just the thing.
As the tactics of such a haircut started rushing into my head, I had a conversation with myself about this. Naturally.
Me: High and Tight, huh? What tools should I use?
Myself: Anything but scissors and that horrible torture device you used when you were young and stupid.
Me: Oh, dear God, no. That was like getting your pubes stuck in the tires of a remote control car
Myself: Yes, it was.
Me: How about Mr. Foxy’s beard trimmer?
Myself: That seems kind of wrong. You know, it being for Mr. Foxy’s beard and all. You know…on his face?
Me: Consider this your lady beard.
Myself: SOLD.
So there I was … standing over the toilet with a garbage can on the toilet lid. One leg was straddling the garbage can to catch the random hairs (I couldn’t become a pubic menace) while the other leg was on the ground, shaking a bit at the knee. Not my sexiest pose.
Me: This seems so wrong.
Myself: I just don’t want it to hurt.
Me: Here goes nothing.
But it didn’t hurt. Not even one little (lady) bit.
Myself: Oh hey. That’s rather nice. A little buzzing. No blood or flying follicles.
Me: You could keep going. And going… And going…
The actual trimming only took about a minute or so. But I kept going for a few more minutes … you know, just to be sure I was thorough. After I finished up, I started cleaning Mr. Foxy’s beard trimmer, and I got to thinking.
Me: Maybe you should have asked Mr. Foxy first.
Myself: WHY? Oh yeah. That was your hot pocket you just trimmed. Maybe it would have been polite to get permission.
Me: Should I tell him now?
Myself: ABSOLUTELY NOT!
Me: But…
Myself: Okay. You probably should. Maybe offer to buy him another trimmer? I wouldn’t mind keeping this one anyhow.
So me, myself, and I worked up the nerve to text Mr. Foxy and dish out my dirty little secret.
Me: I, uhhh, just used your beard trimmer on my (freshly showered) lady bits. After I did it, I realized I probably should have asked you first. I cleaned it very thoroughly, but I’ll buy you a new one if you want.
Mr. Foxy (not missing a beat): My beard has already spent time down there. It’s fine.
Whew. I was off the hook.
And the results? Well, let’s just say that Mr. Foxy was pleased with the new do and leave it at that. In fact, he was so pleased, he later told me, “I used your pubic hair trimmer on my face. Doesn’t my goatee look good?”
Photo Credit: wavebreakmediamicro / 123RF Stock Photo
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Ha! What we won’t do for our beloveds. 😉
Linda Roy recently posted…All That Glitters is in the Litter
RIGHT? Although I discovered I like the “style” myself.
HAHAHA…i love you so much. I swear I do.
Michelle recently posted…Five Ways Menopausal Women Are Like Daryl Dixon
Are you trying to convince yourself at the end there? 😉
Whew. I’ve done the laser landing strip and that seems to be appreciated. I do need a little buzz cut on occasion. Now I know how to do it without the scissors. #Genius
Kristine @MumRevised recently posted…The Great Peanut Butter Debate
It really is very handy. I’m surprised they don’t make them in pink. 😉
I can’t decide who wins the funny in this one… And also, when I meet Mr. Foxy, he’ll have to be satisfied with a fist bump instead of a kiss on the cheek. You understand.
Mr. Foxy always wins–he’s way funnier than I am. And, HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Omg I love you. Ha!
Thank you! I’m certainly not everyone’s cup of tea so I appreciate that.
That was like getting your pubes stuck in the tires of a remote control car
Then I snorted coffee out my nose.
P.S. Don’t play with remote control cars while naked.
I… I…
I feel dirty.
I started reading, realised what it was about and then I couldn’t stop.
Now my dirty little secret is that I read a blog about a lady trimming her bits and I enjoyed it (in a funny way not a sexy way obviously) should I tell the bf… I dunno.
pinknoam recently posted…Sisterhood of the World Bloggers Award
I had similar thoughts while writing it. Of course that didn’t stop me.
His response was exactly what I was going to say. 🙂
Susanne/The Dusty Parachute recently posted…Top 14 Reasons Preschool Boys are Like Drunk Old Men
Mr. Foxy is a funny guy!!
(I’ve done the same thing … but haven’t told Hubbinator. Now I’m thinking I should …. hmmm. )
I didn’t even know the “high and tight” had a name. I’ve been using my hubb’s beard trimmer for the same style for 15 years…..but he doesn’t know…..lol
And now I am reminded why I have always hid my trimmer. 🙂
*dyin* Yeah, I could totally see Wolf having the same reaction.
The Imp recently posted…Pinterest Envy
Best response ever.
But the real question is, did it start itching two days later? It’s the itching that always kills me when I try to style down there.
(and if the answer is no, I may have to go find Momus’ beard trimmer).
Cassandra recently posted…My Orthopedic Joy Ride
Well they don’t call it the bearded clam for nothing. Seems appropriate given that:)
Jill Ginsberg recently posted…Things guys talk about on Twitter
This is extra hilarious to me because Nutty Hubby has been sporting a goatee lately and as a result I’ve been trying to persuade him to invest in a beard trimmer, not entirely without my own ulterior motives.
All this story has done is convince me to try harder.
Spoken Like A True Nut recently posted…Take his hand, you dumbass.
This is gold!
However the only person I know that has a beard trimmer doesn’t live in my house. And it’s my step-son. So, awkward.
I like Mr. Foxy and I don’t even know him 🙂
hahahahha
I used to use Doc’s beard trimmer on the sly – however, when he left, he took that device with him and now the shrubbery is getting a bit out of control. I guess it doesn’t matter just now, since no one is seeing or playing in the garden, but I may have to break down and buy my own someday. Do they make them in pretty colors?
Jana recently posted…Throwback Thursday – Showing My Ass
I LOVE his response! Good man!
Shay from Trashy Blog recently posted…A Brief History of the Shart
Those things are fantastic and easy to use aren’t they?? Best way to keep Ms Kitty looking her best but not causing any unnecessary frowns face wrinkles.
Liv recently posted…Taking a Right at Albuquerque
Totally reminded me of when my daughter was about 3 and in the shower with me. She asked, “Why don’t you shave your beard like daddy?” I said, “Honey, I don’t have a beard…” I got a puzzled look then an explanation, “I mean your front butt beard!”
And if my hubs told me I couldn’t use his trimmer, then that would be the end of things staying tidy down there. Therefore he has no problem sharing. 😀