Me, uncensored.
Exercise. It’s a dirty word. I hate it with the fiery passion of a hangry Jillian Michaels. I have no choice though: I have to exercise. Mostly so I don’t end up killing anyone. Also because I can’t afford new (larger) pants.
[Read more…] about 6 Reasons I Won’t Go to the Gym
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No one will love your kids quite like their grandparents. No one will listen to (and actually enjoy) your children’s endless prattle. No one will be as (obnoxiously) proud of even the smallest of accomplishments.
And no one—NO ONE—will indulge your kids quite like their grandparents. Especially when the kids are under their care and supervision.
I hope you enjoyed your kid-free time because after you pick the kids up from Grandma’s house, their whiney, cranky, sugar-infused, over-indulged asses are going to be a pain in yours.
I call this irritating phenomenon, the Grandparent Hangover.
[Read more…] about Surviving the Grandparent Hangover
Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)
You need to trust me on this one…
Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)
Every once in awhile, I post a recipe on here. I should note that I only post my most favorite eats and drinks—so they’re worth checking out, IMHO. Speaking of which, have you tried Bacon Bar Nuts yet? If not, you’re missing out. Seriously missing out.
Anyhow, the weather is getting warmer, and folks are gearing up for party season. So I thought our recipe for sangria would be especially appropriate. It’s delicious and refreshing, and it packs a certain punch. (Get it? Punch? Okay, I’ll stop.)
This sangria goes by several different names. We change it up depending on the occasion. In honor of Harold Camping‘s predicted Rapture and Judgment Day, we had some friends over, made a small batch, and called it “Rapture Juice.” Because we love the television show Parks & Recreation, we had a party, made a larger batch, and called it “Snake Juice.” When Mr. Foxy turned 40, we made a GIANTFUCKING batch, and called it “Fountain of Youth Juice.” (My freighbor told me that, while she enjoyed it immensely, it actually aged her a few years.)
I wasn’t kidding. We really called it that.
My husband, who fancies himself a bartender, created this very special sangria recipe. His entire goal was to make the most alcoholic sangria ever that stills tastes good. He studied a bunch of different recipes and picked his favorite ingredients from each of them. And then, because he wanted to ensure that every single liquid in the sangria was alcoholic, he came up with the pièce de résistance for the carbonation—Mike’s Hard Lemonade.
To make a small* batch, you need the following ingredients:
Step 1: Mix the wine and the sliced citrus fruit in a glass container and let sit in the refrigerator for 24 hours.
This was a motherfuckinggiant batch. Do not attempt this at home.
Step 2: To the wine-citrus mixture, stir in the triple sec, blackberry brandy, peach schnapps, and Mike’s Hard Lemonade. Adjust quantities to suit your tastes.
The Egyptians were inspired by this sangria to build the Great Pyramids.
Step 3: Consume responsibly. This sangria will fuck you up. If you aren’t careful, you might end up in Stage 6 or 7 on my 7-Point Scale of Drunkenness.
Step 4: Watch the hilarity that ensues. Or be the hilarity that ensues.
You’re welcome.
*Here are the quantities in case you want to make larger batches. Because, sangria.
Sangria (medium vat)
Sangria (large vat)
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Put down the string lights, people. Holster the credit cards. Step away from the wrapping paper. It’s not too late to take back Thanksgiving.
Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)
Just a little advice from me to you. When you’re sick with a chest cold and fever, be very careful not to mix up the regular green tea with the detox green tea. Seriously. You don’t need that shit. And I don’t think I need to tell you what happens with every coughing fit.
You’re welcome.
Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)
…or were wondering where the fuck it came from, here’s a little history on the name, Foxy Wine Pocket. I’m either a creative genius or drunken fool. Maybe a little of both?
Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)
Because of the excessive heat, Californians are being asked not to use heavy electrical appliances today. As I want to do my part to help reduce the burden on our energy resources, I will refrain from doing any laundry today. And vacuuming. And cooking as well. In fact, because I am so concerned about our precious resources, I’ll avoid doing all of those things the rest of the week.
Hmmmmm, it also occurs to me that my refrigerator is working awfully hard right now. Clearly I can’t shut it off. So I’ll help reduce the load by drinking all of the beer.
You’re welcome, California.
Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)
