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The Dysfunctional Family Drinking Game

By Foxy

To stay sane during holiday gatherings, my husband and I have developed our own secret coping strategy. We call it the Dysfunctional Family Drinking Game. @foxywinepocket | humor| holidays| drinking games

The holidays are a joyful time to celebrate loved ones and family traditions. To give thanks for all of our blessings and good fortune, right? Sure. But it’s also a time of family bickering, passive-aggressive comments, colossal fuck-ups, social faux pas, and domestic disasters.

My husband and I have hosted holiday dinners for the past sixteen years, and we’ve experienced all of these things firsthand. To stay sane during these annual “celebrations,” we have developed our own coping strategy. We call it the Dysfunctional Family Drinking Game. It is a secret game that only the two of us play, and it is designed to make us laugh at the foibles and follies during Thanksgiving and any holiday gathering. Wanna know how to play?

[Read more…] about The Dysfunctional Family Drinking Game


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Filed Under: Holidaze & Fancy Ways, You're Welcome

Oh My Vulva, Why Hast Thou Forsaken Me?

By Foxy

Oh My Vulva, Why Hast Thou Forsaken Me? @foxywinepocket

I’ve been good to my female parts all of my life. I go to the doctor regularly and keep a tidy house. I’ve been in a monogamous relationship for over twenty years, and my lady garden has not received many visitors—either foreign or domestic. And because of my mother’s nightmare-inducing warnings about Toxic Shock Syndrome, I fastidiously clean “down there” and obsessively change all of my feminine hygiene products.

Recently, however, my vulva betrayed me. She allowed passage to a very unwelcome guest.

[Read more…] about Oh My Vulva, Why Hast Thou Forsaken Me?


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Filed Under: NSFW, Random, You're Welcome

What Have You Done for California Lately?

By Foxy

What Have You Done for California Lately? @foxywinepocket

Are you sick of hearing about the drought in California? Want all of the whining to end? Just wish we would stop flushing and let the yellow mellow so it would be over?

Yeah, me too. Sadly, it ain’t over until the fat lady sings. Or at least until she cries enough frozen tears to replenish our snow packs and reservoirs.

Whether you love California or hate it or you live here or not, our drought is your problem too. Why, you ask? Because we feed you. California produces about half of the fruits, veggies, and nuts (hehehe, I said nuts) grown in the United States. We also provide about a quarter of the country’s cream and milk. And we need water to produce those things for you.

You like to eat and drink fancy coffee beverages, right?

We Californians are all facing mandatory 25% water consumption cut-backs. (This is serious shit, people.) In an effort to help conservation efforts across the entire country, I have come up with my own list of helpful water-saving tips.

You can ridicule me thank me later.

[Read more…] about What Have You Done for California Lately?


Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

Filed Under: Life Lessons, You're Welcome

6 Reasons I Won’t Go to the Gym

By Foxy

Why won't I go to a gym? A variety of reasons, but mostly, I am the Elaine Benes of the workout floor. Nobody needs to see that ridiculousness. @foxywinepocket

Exercise. It’s a dirty word. I hate it with the fiery passion of a hangry Jillian Michaels. I have no choice though: I have to exercise. Mostly so I don’t end up killing anyone. Also because I can’t afford new (larger) pants.

[Read more…] about 6 Reasons I Won’t Go to the Gym


Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

Filed Under: Life Lessons, Wine, You're Welcome

Surviving the Grandparent Hangover

By Foxy

You know that irritating phenomenon known as the Grandparent Hangover? Here are tips for surviving it. | @foxywinepocket | humor | grandparents

No one will love your kids quite like their grandparents. No one will listen to (and actually enjoy) your children’s endless prattle. No one will be as (obnoxiously) proud of even the smallest of accomplishments.

And no one—NO ONE—will indulge your kids quite like their grandparents. Especially when the kids are under their care and supervision.

I hope you enjoyed your kid-free time because after you pick the kids up from Grandma’s house, their whiney, cranky, sugar-infused, over-indulged asses are going to be a pain in yours.

I call this irritating phenomenon, the Grandparent Hangover.

[Read more…] about Surviving the Grandparent Hangover


Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

Filed Under: Parenting?, You're Welcome

I Speaketh the Truth

By Foxy

You need to trust me on this one…I Speaketh the Truth


Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

Filed Under: Life Lessons, Pocket Postcards, Wine, You're Welcome

How to Flavor Your Alcohol with Sangria

By Foxy

This sangria is absolutely delicious, but it will fuck you up if you're not careful. @foxywinepocket | humor | sangria recipe

Every once in awhile, I post a recipe on here. I should note that I only post my most favorite eats and drinks—so they’re worth checking out, IMHO. Speaking of which, have you tried Bacon Bar Nuts yet? If not, you’re missing out. Seriously missing out.

Anyhow, the weather is getting warmer, and folks are gearing up for party season. So I thought our recipe for sangria would be especially appropriate. It’s delicious and refreshing, and it packs a certain punch. (Get it? Punch? Okay, I’ll stop.)

This sangria goes by several different names. We change it up depending on the occasion. In honor of Harold Camping‘s predicted Rapture and Judgment Day, we had some friends over, made a small batch, and called it “Rapture Juice.” Because we love the television show Parks & Recreation, we had a party, made a larger batch, and called it “Snake Juice.” When Mr. Foxy turned 40, we made a GIANTFUCKING batch, and called it “Fountain of Youth Juice.” (My freighbor told me that, while she enjoyed it immensely, it actually aged her a few years.)

I wasn’t kidding. We really called it that.

I wasn’t kidding. We really called it that.

My husband, who fancies himself a bartender, created this very special sangria recipe. His entire goal was to make the most alcoholic sangria ever that stills tastes good. He studied a bunch of different recipes and picked his favorite ingredients from each of them. And then, because he wanted to ensure that every single liquid in the sangria was alcoholic, he came up with the pièce de résistance for the carbonation—Mike’s Hard Lemonade.

To make a small* batch, you need the following ingredients:

  • 1 bottle of red Spanish table wine (I’ve got a white wine recipe too!)
  • 1 orange, sliced
  • 1 lemon, sliced
  • 1 lime, sliced
  • ¾ cup of triple sec
  • ½ cup of blackberry brandy
  • ½ cup of peach schnapps
  • 1 bottle of Mike’s Hard Lemonade

Step 1: Mix the wine and the sliced citrus fruit in a glass container and let sit in the refrigerator for 24 hours.

This was a motherfuckinggiant batch. Do not attempt this at home.

This was a motherfuckinggiant batch. Do not attempt this at home.

Step 2: To the wine-citrus mixture, stir in the triple sec, blackberry brandy, peach schnapps, and Mike’s Hard Lemonade. Adjust quantities to suit your tastes.

The Egyptians were inspired by this sangria to build the Great Pyramids.

The Egyptians were inspired by this sangria to build the Great Pyramids.

Step 3: Consume responsibly. This sangria will fuck you up. If you aren’t careful, you might end up in Stage 6 or 7 on my 7-Point Scale of Drunkenness.

Step 4: Watch the hilarity that ensues. Or be the hilarity that ensues.

You’re welcome.

 

*Here are the quantities in case you want to make larger batches. Because, sangria.

Sangria (medium vat)

  • 3 bottles of red Spanish table wine
  • 2 oranges, sliced
  • 2 lemons, sliced
  • 2 limes, sliced
  • 2 cups of triple sec
  • ½ cup of blackberry brandy
  • ½ cup of peach schnapps
  • 3 bottles of Mike’s Hard Lemonade

Sangria (large vat)

  • 5 bottles of red Spanish table wine
  • 3 oranges, sliced
  • 3 lemons, sliced
  • 3 limes, sliced
  • 750 mL of triple sec
  • ¾ bottle of blackberry brandy
  • ¾ bottle of peach schnapps
  • 4-5 bottles of Mike’s Hard Lemonade


Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

Filed Under: Eat This!, Holidaze & Fancy Ways, You're Welcome

Hey You! It’s Not Christmas Yet!

By Foxy

Put down the string lights, people. Holster the credit cards. Step away from the wrapping paper. It’s not too late to take back Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving Decorations Meme


Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

Filed Under: You're Welcome

The Accidental Detox

By Foxy

Just a little advice from me to you. When you’re sick with a chest cold and fever, be very careful not to mix up the regular green tea with the detox green tea. Seriously. You don’t need that shit. And I don’t think I need to tell you what happens with every coughing fit.

You’re welcome.


Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

Filed Under: #notwinning, You're Welcome

In Case You Missed It…

By Foxy

…or were wondering where the fuck it came from, here’s a little history on the name, Foxy Wine Pocket. I’m either a creative genius or drunken fool. Maybe a little of both?


Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

Filed Under: Wine, You're Welcome

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