Foxy Wine Pocket

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Surviving the Grandparent Hangover

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You know that irritating phenomenon known as the Grandparent Hangover? Here are tips for surviving it. | @foxywinepocket | humor | grandparents

No one will love your kids quite like their grandparents. No one will listen to (and actually enjoy) your children’s endless prattle. No one will be as (obnoxiously) proud of even the smallest of accomplishments.

And no one—NO ONE—will indulge your kids quite like their grandparents. Especially when the kids are under their care and supervision.

I hope you enjoyed your kid-free time because after you pick the kids up from Grandma’s house, their whiney, cranky, sugar-infused, over-indulged asses are going to be a pain in yours.

I call this irritating phenomenon, the Grandparent Hangover.

Sure, you can try to prevent this hangover by giving the grandparents a strict set of instructions, but that won’t solve the problem. Why? Because grandparents are the original gangsters. They don’t give a fuck what you want them to do with your kids. They’re gonna do what they’re gonna do. My words of wisdom: unless it’s life-threatening, let them do it. It’s just not practical to give a list of rules to people who have absolutely no intention of following them.

Your time will be better spent preparing for the aftermath that is the Grandparent Hangover. Here are a variety of things you can do to survive the meltdowns, entitlement, and bad behavior.

  1. Prepare for the whining and crying. Play your favorite music (preferably something soothing) in the car on the way home from Grandma’s house. Turn up the volume until it drowns out all of the annoying sounds.
  2. Go straight home. It’s best to contain the cranky to a non-public setting. It’s also easier to blast music or the television to cover the sounds of screaming children.
  3. Don’t try and “rip off the band-aid” by sending them immediately back to their routine of chores and homework. Have a glass of wine, and give them some re-entry time.
  4. Stop the bickering before it starts. Engage your kids in a game. Give them a snack. Keep them separated so they don’t fight amongst themselves. Or just go hide in the closet. (Don’t forget your wine.)
  5. Serve one of their favorite meals. After all, grandparents aren’t the only ones who can bribe children for love.
  6. The kids are going to be overtired. Put on a movie and let them space out. Plan for an early bedtime. Get them into their own rooms as soon as possible.
  7. Have another glass of wine.

If all else fails, just repeat, “I got free babysitting. I got free babysitting. I got free babysitting.” until the Grandparent Hangover wears off and your children have forgotten what it feels like to have someone cater to their every whim.

Then, next time, as payback, send them to their grandparents’ house filthy and stinky. Not that I’ve EVER done that.

You know that irritating phenomenon known as the Grandparent Hangover? Here are tips for surviving it. | @foxywinepocket | humor | grandparents

P.S. If you liked this story, you’ll love the one in I STILL Just Want to Pee Alone and my other books.

Photo Credit: shalamov / 123RF Stock Photo


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Comments

    • I’m a new grandma…can hardly wait to create my first “Grandparent Hangover”. as a matter of fact, I think I’ll start planning it now!!!

  3. My daughter doesn’t have any grandparents but, for us, this is the equivalent of a “babysitter hangover” after we’ve been out for an afternoon!

  4. totally I agree. Kids aren’t required to do a darn things at the grandparents get to do what they want and get fed what they want. When they come home its like pulling teeth to get them to do stuff.

  5. Do we have the same parents? (OK that would be weird) I think this should be a Scary Mommy piece. It’s perfect!! I feel your pain and your post-grandma hangover. At least you are giving the hair of the dog to keep your night before buzz going.

  6. Where were you when my kids were little? So glad not to be alone! Was always told “say what you will; in going to do what i want anyway…”

  8. When my kids come back from a stay with the g-parents its calls for a little hair-of-the-dog maneuvering. I toss them each a bucket of sugar, turn on a movie, and let them pass out in their own vomit. Then we start nice and fresh the next day:)

  11. Ah, yes, the grandparent hangover, I know it well. Yes, it is the price I pay for free babysitting. And truth be told, I’m very jealous, I lived far from my grandparents and they were not really the spoiling kind. My sisters and I never knew the complete adulation that comes from having grandparents who completely adore you and think everything you do is just adorable!!! We are actually shocked that our parents turned out to be “those” type of grandparents!!! But it’s great! Sort of! You tips are brilliant by the way!

  12. Whatever do you mean? Everything my grandbabies say and do IS absolutely adorable!!! And they obey the rules…don’t tell mama what we did! Grandbabies are the best gift God ever gave me!!!

  13. My dad told me long ago not to bother providing guidelines or instructions because it was payback for my telling him when I was a kid that sometimes I liked grandpa better.

    Dad was kidding about payback, but he wasn’t kidding about having fun spoiling the kids. If it is not life threatening he will say yes to almost anything they ask to do.

    Damn father. 🙂

  14. I WISH we had this problem. Someone else listening to their endless stories while my husband and I enjoy some time alone? Sounds fantastic!

  15. My grandma was a raging alcoholic and used to take us to the pub with her (4 children under the age of 10) she would then get absolutely hammered whilst giving us a steady supply of 50 pence pieces for the pool table and bags of crisp to sustain us and keep us the hell away from her. Twice, she staggered out of the place without us. I think my mum would have preferred whiny cranky kids to missing kids to be honest…

  17. We got quite a laugh out of this article, it’s very funny, but it can’t be all true, right? Yes, we do give them all our attention, and enjoy it, but we also have very many rules here that they happily obey.
    -No running in the house
    -no standing on furniture
    -no one eats until Grandma sits down
    -please and thank you’s
    -no fighting until you get home

    • It’s all in good fun. I wouldn’t trade those grandparent hangovers for anything.

      P.S. I think my kids’ grandparents might have that same last rule that you do. 😉

  19. Are you serious with this article, what an self indulgent insult to the family unit. Why is it that Western society devalues the impact Grandparents have on family. Shame on you. Have you ever thought that Grandparents are ‘buffers of normalcy’ as their parents fight in front of the kids, yell at the kids because they are upset at something that has nothing to do with them, tell them repeatedly your bugging me, your a pain, get out of here and go play. So many parents take advantage of their parents and just expect them to be there when they call for ‘babysitting’ purposes’. Maybe there wouldn’t be so many Mental Health issues, of ADHD or behavioural problems if the Grandparents were respected enough to be included in the life of their children. When you are Grandparents of your children, shame thats when you’ll get it!

  20. I actually took 2 weeks off from work (self employed) and lost almost $3000 just to have my grandbaby with me…spoil her? Damn sight right!!