Foxy Wine Pocket

Stink Avoidance, Cookie Acquisition, and Other Survival Skills

Growing up in a large family taught me a wide variety of survival skills—the acquisition of snacks being one of the most important. @foxywinepocket | humor
As the youngest of six kids, I was farted on a lot. At least once a week, one of my brothers would sit on my head and let one rip. Eventually, I learned to recognize the warning signs—the glint in their eyes, the snickers, the less-than-stealthy movements—and I’d scramble behind the couch before a stinky butt made contact with my face.

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Dancing the Dead Dog Jig

By Foxy

Sometimes out of nowhere, a song latches on to your brain and won't let go. Actually, it happens to me quite frequently. And this story is horrible. @foxywinepocket | humor

Sometimes out of nowhere, a song latches on to your brain, slithers through the gyri, and won’t leave until you stick an icepick in your ear.

Actually, that happens to me quite frequently. Commercial jingles and 70s sitcom theme songs surprise and “delight” me by their random appearances in my head. (Unless it’s Friday. I hate that shit.)

Naturally I feel obliged to infect entertain everyone around me by sharing those songs.

Loudly.

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13 Strategies For Parenting Your Tweens (That Worked On Your Toddlers)

By Foxy

Tweens and toddlers suck in many of the same ways. Fortunately, that means the parenting techniques that worked for your toddlers can also help with your tweens. @foxywinepocket | humor

The “sweet spot” of parenting abruptly comes to a halt when your child becomes a tween. It’s loud and messy and sometimes very ugly. Ah, the cacophony of the tweenage years.

Tweens are often compared to oversized toddlers – and for good reason. Both toddlers and tweens are going through an intense period of growth: emotionally, physically, and mentally. Both are learning who they are, pushing limits, and trying out new skills.

Fortunately, you are already well-equipped to handle this new territory. Because, with a few adaptations, the parenting techniques that worked for your toddlers can also help with your tweens:

Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

How Would You Describe Your Child?

By Foxy

My son's 4th-grade teacher asked me to describe him "in a million words or less." Not sure she was expecting this. @foxywinepocket | humor

My son’s 4th-grade teacher asked me to describe my son in “a million words or less.” I was tempted to send her my coffee table book about him, along with a bottle of wine and the words “Good luck.”

Ultimately, I decided that post didn’t really do my son enough justice, so I wrote something new. I kept it under a million words, though. Here’s what I sent the teacher:

Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

The Jelly Splat Heard Round the Table

By Foxy

No conversation is off limits--even at the dinner table. Even when my husband disagrees. @foxywinepocket | humor | periods

“My jelly fell out of my sandwich and landed on the lunch table!” My son offered during our dinner discussion of Daily Highs and Lows.

“Did it make a big splat?” I asked.

“I bet it did,” my daughter interjected. “Like the jelly that came out of my butt!”

Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

22 Things You’re REALLY Doing on Facebook

By Foxy

We know you're not really using Facebook for what it was intended. You're spying on people--just like the rest of us. @foxywinepocket.com | humor

We all know Facebook—that social networking site designed for interacting with friends and family and connecting with other people who share similar interests. Some of us even use it for “work.”

But we all know what you’re really doing there, and it’s not quite as innocuous.

Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

You Know What “Turtle Head Poking Out” Means, Right?

By Foxy

My son doesn't get "turtle head poking out." But it was funny to try and explain. @foxywinepocket | humor

If you’ve been around here long, you know I love to write about my 9-year-old son Colin. He’s fabulous: very clever and extremely sweet. It takes a lot to phase him. He’s also a little unusual. A bit quirky. But he tells it like it is. We have some of the most hilarious conversations. (When he’s not embarrassing me in public.) This is another one of those conversations.

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15 Ways You Can Get Us in the Mood

By Foxy

Instead of flashing your man parts or slapping our backsides, if you really want to turn us on, try a few of these mood enhancers instead. @foxywinepocket | humor

Listen up, men. We women are hard-working, exhausted, and possibly a bit cranky from our daily demands. Oftentimes, we’re not feeling in the least bit sexy. As manly as you try to sound, “Wanna do it?” is not going to get our juices flowing. Your tried-and-true mating rituals, like flashing your man parts or slapping our backsides, are much more likely to get an eye roll than a roll in the hay. These days, if you really want to turn us on, try a few of these mood enhancers instead:

Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

What Do You Do with Crappy Goldfish?

By Foxy

If you’ve got kids, chances are Goldfish crackers are a staple in your house. (Unless you’re into those expensive organic crackers that you buy at Whole Foods while wearing yoga pants and sipping ethically-traded, locally-sourced coffee with soy milk. But, hey, no judgment.) What do you do when they suck? @foxywinepocket | humor

“Mom, something’s wrong with the Goldfish crackers you gave me.”

My notoriously picky daughter often complains about things being “off” or “bad” when there’s absolutely nothing wrong with them.

So, I didn’t believe her. “What? I bought the cheddar ones, not the plain ones. Or the multi-grain ones. Or, God forbid, the multi-colored ones that you hate. They’re the good ole-fashioned highly-processed Goldfish crackers that you love.”

“No,” she argued. “There’s something really wrong with them.”

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Activision Is Ruining My Life

By Foxy

Toys-to-Life video game companies have turned a simple babysitter, errr, activity into a parental torture system designed to steal our money, sanity, and souls. @foxywinepocket | humor | video games

Remember the good ole days when you could send your child to the computer or television to play a video game instead of parenting as a reward for good behavior?

Well, straightforward video games just don’t exist anymore. You can’t just make a single purchase and let your children play until their eyes bleed for thirty minutes. Activision, Disney, Lego, and other video game companies have turned a simple babysitter activity into a parental torture system designed to steal our money, sanity, and souls.

Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

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