This morning I was awoken by the buzzing of my phone before 7 AM. Normally that wouldn’t be a problem as I get up pretty early, but this was one of my few days to sleep in. (Don’t hate me because my kids are self-sufficient in the morning.)
Apparently, one of my freighbors (friend + neighbor) was worrying about making her first turkey ever and that it might not go well. So she texted a group of us (nine in total) about it.
It was 6:43 AM.
Now, I love my freighbors—I really do. But 6:43 in the morning is way too early for discussions about turkey.
The worst part? The group text kept going. Another freighbor chimed in, and the two of them kept texting. Then, BAM! BAM! Two more freighbors chimed in.
All before 7 AM.
Hoping to shut them up, I sent the link to my favorite turkey recipe, which is foolproof (and includes bacon, natch). Unfortunately, that didn’t work. They just kept talking turkey tips and exchanging recipes and cooking methods.
I tried to ignore the whole thing and go back to sleep, but then the tone got more interesting because of freighbor #6:
“Ladies, just because it’s big, don’t be intimidated. ;-)”
Naturally, it quickly went downhill from there. My freighbors don’t disappoint:
“Oh, it’s not the size. It’s all about getting the right rub.”
“As long as it is hot and moist, all is good.”
“I can’t wait for my husband to stuff it.”
“I hear it likes to be massaged before you stuff it. Just an FYI.”
So many freighbors. So much inappropriate turkey humor. You can probably see why I love my street so much.
But still. It was early. I couldn’t participate; I just wanted to go back to sleep. Apparently I wasn’t alone in my thoughts. A seventh freighbor finally chimed in:
“I love you all, but I was up until 3 AM. Just shove it in the oven already and let me go back to bed.”
That was it. I was laughing so hard I finally just got out of bed. Which was fine because I had my own turkey to prepare.
Later, freighbor #7 made a great observation:
“I think I should sleep with the phone between my legs on vibrate so I won’t be so annoyed when I wake up.”
YEP.
So today (and everyday) I’m grateful for my freighbors. Because they’re inappropriate. And awesome. (Even if some of them text way too early.)
I’m also grateful for Mr. Foxy because this morning he showed me how to set the “Do Not Disturb” setting on my phone.
You’re welcome. And Happy Thanksgiving!
23 Responses
Soooo, trying to be thoughtful (and since I just asked for a raise) I texted my boss “Happy Thanksgiving, I hope you have an awesome gay.” I’m thinking my next paycheck will slightly resemble last paycheck!
HAHAHAHA! Oops.
It’s a beautiful day in the freighborhood!
It always is! 🙂
This year one of my friends texted me at 5:45am to wish me a happy birthday. I texted her back saying I wasn’t born until 4:30 in the afternoon and any further messages received before then would be considered an act of war.
I hope I have freighbors someday. I am currently only acquainted with three people in our apartment building: DJ Wannabe upstairs, Shy Gardener to the left, and Paranoid Hippie to the right, and if any of the above texted me about things being hot and moist I would pack up and move immediately.
It really should be considered an act of war. I need to retaliate. And, yes, “hot and moist” should be reserved for people you know well. 😉
Sounds like fun typical banter at my work. 🙂 But agree, way too early. I had the dog wake me up at 7 this morning. Grrrr.
You must have very high workplace morale. 😉 And I am lucky enough to have the laziest dog in the world.
I love this. I want to live on your street. I don’t like my neighbors.
It could be me though..I mean, it’s possible I’m just difficult.
I’m sure it’s your neighbors. There’s not a thing wrong with you.
@Suzanne: Bwahahah! I hope you still have a job, and thank you for making me lol.
I’ll have to get an update from Suzanne…
We happen to be Canucks in NYC for Thanksgiving. I decided we should have turkey. When in Rome…the restaurant touting fresh roasted turkey. Instead they served Turkey deli slices piled high with some tomato-based gravy and cranberry juice in a thimble cup. Any of your freighbors tips could have saved my dinner! Glad you found do not disturb as I type this at 643am.
Oh yikes. That does not sound delicious at all.
Yup, just like everyone else I want freighbors, too. My neighbors are strange and not very friendly. At least it gives my husband a chance to practice his amateur PI skills on them.
I was wondering while reading this post if you had a pact with your freighbors that you had to be available at all hours for each other or something…thank goodness Mr. Foxy showed you the DND setting.
I am very, very lucky. And PI skills are important–he should keep working on those. 😉
“Oh, it’s not the size. It’s all about getting the right rub” — I totally agree 😉
I would love to have freighbors — I’m surrounded by folks so ancient they think I am an “unruly youth” — gotta love that!
I have a lot of seniors living around me too. I like being the youngin’. That will be sad when it’s over.
Man, I so need some Freighbors like yours. Even if they do wake me up early. The laughs would be worth it.
The laughs are absolutely worth it!
I have friends, and I have neighbors, but alas – I have no freighbors. Never the twain shall meet.
Don’t give up, Sarah. DON’T GIVE UP.
I take the cell to bed with me as we have a teenager!!! A neighbor texted EARLY one morning about a cocktail hour for the next week!!!!
Another girlfriend texted her back that if she wanted to live to see said cocktail hour she would NEVER again consider texting any of us moms with teenagers at that time of the morning again!!!!!
She hasn’t…….