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My 7-point Scale of Drunkenness

By Foxy

I know that alcohol affects everyone differently, so there is no guarantee that my scale is the same as yours. But here are my 7 stages of drunkenness.

  1. Sober: Is there alcohol in this drink?
  2. Buzzed: Seriously, is there any alcohol in here? I better drink more to find out. And quickly.
  3. Tipsy Slut: Let’s kiss everyone in the room. Even if I have to trip over strangers to do it. And, no, I am not talking too loudly—don’t you shush me.
  4. Just Drunk: A rousing game of Cards Against Humanity is in order. If I nod my head really slowly while other people talk, I can prove I’m not drunk.
  5. Drunken Whore (Mr. Foxy’s favorite): Sadly, this phase doesn’t last very long. Sometimes this includes wild hotel sex. Most times I blow right past this phase to the next one. And the window is cloooosed…
  6. Completely Outrageous Slurry Idiot: Wrestling my neighbor at midnight on another neighbor’s front lawn sounds like a fantastic idea.
  7. Beyond, Just Beyond: Time to review in detail all of the food that I have consumed. And test the temperature of the bathroom floor with my cheek. Fortunately, this doesn’t happen very often. Anymore.

What shall it be this weekend?


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Filed Under: Wine

Comments

  1. The Shitastrophy says

    October 11, 2013 at 1:01 pm

    Yup done all of these, sadly #7 recently. I have hung up my drinking shoes after that one.

    • Foxy says

      October 13, 2013 at 5:02 pm

      Probably a wise move. I’m not that smart. Although I didn’t pass Stage 4 last night. Maybe I’m maturing?

Trackbacks

  1. Dick Pics and Breadsticks | Foxy Wine Pocket says:
    April 14, 2016 at 4:01 am

    […] I shared a hotel room with Lola Lolita, and along with Sassypiehole (just call her Sassy—that’s what I do), we attempted to drink all of the wine in the entire city of Dayton. Three days in a row. Fortunately we never passed stage 4 on the scale of drunkenness. […]

  2. How to Flavor Your Alcohol with Sangria | Foxy Wine Pocket says:
    May 26, 2016 at 9:08 am

    […] Step 3: Consume responsibly. This sangria will fuck you up. If you aren’t careful, you might end up in Stage 6 or 7 on my 7-Point Scale of Drunkenness. […]

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