This post was part of my Blogapalooza First Blogiversary series. I celebrated my blog being around a whole year by giving away presents and sharing stories of my “firsts” in life. The prizes may be gone, but you can still enjoy the stories. (And I’ll give away more prizes soon, I promise.)

Did you know that I’m a published author? Like in an actual magazine? And I received monetary compensation for my writing? Well, I am. Only I don’t have the publication to prove it. So you’ll just have to take my word for it.

Remember Dynamite Magazine? (Of course, you do. Please tell me you do and not that you’re too young to remember it. Because then I’ll just feel old.) Well, if you recall, Dynamite had a feature called Bummers. Bummers were jokes that started with, “Don’t you hate it when…” and anyone could submit the ending to that sentence. If your joke was accepted, Dynamite would send you $5 and publish your bummer.

I was the youngest of 6 kids, and all of my siblings had tried for years to get their bummers published in that magazine. Throughout the 70s and early 80s, Dynamite Magazine must have received hundreds of submissions from my siblings, and not one was accepted.

So naturally I thought I should give it a try. I sent in one submission with a couple of bummers on it and didn’t think much of it. A few months later, I got a letter back from Dynamite Magazine and a check for $5! They were going to publish my bummer! This development really pissed off my older siblings. And made me very happy.

Sadly, while I saw my bummer in print, I didn’t actually save a copy of that magazine. I was maybe 8 or 9—why would I think to save it? (I already shared my thoughts about my parents’ responsibility in saving it with my therapist so I won’t rehash that here.) So I have nothing to show you of my first publication. And this makes me very sad.

Oh, I’ve written Scholastic. They never responded (possibly they think I’m crazy). I’ve searched online. I’ve scoured thousands of images. I can’t find it. So like I said, you’ll just have to believe me. It was a great bummer.

What?! You want me to tell you what my bummer was? I’ll tell you what: if someone can help me get connected to the right people so I can get a copy of that bummer, I’ll absolutely reveal it. Deal?

In the meantime, I’m totally putting “Published Author” on my resume.

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