At the height of our baby-denial, my husband and I had four cats and two dogs. For the record, that’s a shit-ton of animals, and I wouldn’t recommend that strategy as a birth control method for anyone. That many animals is a lot of work. And money. And work. (It’s still not as much work or money as one kid though.)
All that being said, I would recommend getting a dog as a parental sanity saver. Seriously, if you have kids and don’t already have a dog, go get one. Now. Right now. Just one will do. Don’t go too crazy.
What?! You’re worried about the extra work? You’ve never had a dog? You’re a cat person? I promise you, a dog will make your life much easier. A dog will save your sanity. I have first-hand experience, and I’ve compiled a list of several reasons why you should get a dog:
- When you’re feeding the baby, a dog is a great companion. A dog will lay by your feet while you nurse/bottle feed, even in the middle of the night. Or she will keep your spot on the bed warm. Our dog used to nudge me gently when the baby was crying to let me know it was time to feed the baby.
- A dog needs exercise, so she will force you to take a walk everyday. Exercise and fresh air are so therapeutic for both you and the baby. They can help you get your body back in shape and fight the baby blues.
- The dog won’t judge you when you pour another glass of wine and cry inconsolably wondering why in the world you ruined your perfect kid-free existence. The dog will simply lick up the crumbs from the cookies you shoved down your gullet trying to make yourself feel better.
- When the dog starts sniffing wildly around the baby’s butt, you know it’s time to change the diaper. There is absolutely no need to put your own nose there or risk your fingers getting dirty by taking a peek. The dog knows. (And may eat the diaper if you’re not careful.)
- Dogs genuinely appreciate every ounce of affection you give them, unlike those screaming, inconsolable, milk-sucking poop sacks.
- Dogs clean up spilt milk (breast or formula—they don’t discriminate) and spit-up. Before you think, “ew, gross,” remember that you now don’t have to clean it up yourself. (As a bonus, if you have a cat, the dog will clean up cat puke—or “hot lunch” as we call it.)
- Can’t figure out what that weird smell is? Don’t want to crawl around on the ground sniffing the carpet? If you have a dog, you don’t need to. Just set Fido free in your car or the kid’s room or your kitchen. This is not cruel—dogs actually like foul smells and will find the source of them in record time.
- But—by far—the best reason to get a dog comes when your kids start to eat solids. Feeding babies solid foods is a fucking disaster—food gets everywhere. EVERYWHERE. Your child is a mini-Jackson Pollock, and the medium is food. THE DOG WILL CLEAN IT UP. (Just don’t let him eat grapes, onions, chocolate, or other poisonous foods for dogs.)
Seriously, I don’t actually know how parents survive the high-chair phase without a dog. Dogs will do all of the clean up for you. No sponges, brooms, or special floor mats are necessary. My dog was so efficient at cleaning the high-chair and the floor and the cabinets and the walls and the mini-blinds…
Heck, she even cleaned the baby. Now, you can skip bath time and go straight to the wine. Trust me, get a dog.
This post is dedicated to Brandy, the best dog ever. We were fortunate enough to share our lives with her for 12 years. And she basically raised our two children.
Photo Credit: sinnawin / 123RF Stock Photo
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They also make excellent pillows for kids and blankets for everyone else. I would have been a popsicle this winter without my pups.
Yes! They do indeed make good pillows and blankets. Brandy also made a good chew toy and a walker.
Boohoo that your doggie is no longer with you all.
LMAO at the reasons why one should get a dog in the first place.
You crack me. Up.
XO
We consider ourselves very lucky to have spent 12 years with her. She was a BIG dog so that was a long life. And every single one of those reasons is true. Except maybe I didn’t do daily walks…
I love this!!!
I have never owned a dog, but I dog sat for my son one evening recently and I so enjoyed the little guy. I definitely needed one of these when my kids were little…
Do it!! I would have gone crazy during the high chair phase without the dogs. Seriously. They were amazing. I highly recommend dogs at all phases though. My current dog cleans up crumbs left on couches, beds, cars, etc–and follow around my 8-YO son who is leaving constant messes everywhere.
I bring my dog when I visit my parents just so I don’t have to clean up all the baby food mess on the floor. 3 1/2 hours of panting in the car is way better than sweeping five times a day.
TOTALLY WORTH IT!!
My lab has diligently tackled crumb management for 9 years. I don’t know how people have kids without dogs.
Right?! They are amazing cleaners.
My heart goes out to you for your loss….but great post!
Thank you. She was the “best dog ever.” And she would have appreciated the post too. 🙂
<3
xoxo
All good points. I love my dogs, but mine seem to have list control of their nether regions since the kids were born. If I have to clean pee off my baby one more time I’m gonna lose my mind! But they are very good at cleaning up other messes.
Oh yeah, there’s that part too. Before my other dog passed, he basically couldn’t use his hind legs. I carried his 70-pound self all around. He still cleaned up messes though. 🙂
Skip bath time and go straight for the wine. I love it! And I love that a dog helps eliminate the need for a maid!
I might have been exaggerating just a tad there. Bath time with (water loving) dogs is pretty fun too. Also with wine.
I have been thinking about this a lot lately! We have a cat. I am not a big animal person but I have been drawn to getting a dog. For a lot of the reasons you mentioned above. I think we would need to wait for the cat to move on. Or maybe when the vacuum breaks.
Get one! Dogs are awesome. They’ll suck you in. (Vacuum pun intended.)
I have the dogs, just waiting on the babies – that part seems to be going to shit. Maybe if I get another dog, my reproductive system will start to cooperate. Until then, wine. Lots and lots of wine.
🙁 I had some problems with the baby part too. Dogs and wine are both good therapy.
I’m… I’m sorry.
But I’m a cat person.
*ducks as everyone flings poo*
I like cats too. But after 18 years of cleaning out cat boxes, I decided we were done with cats. That, and my current dog would probably eat one.
You are so wise! This should be an ASPCA commercial. Screw the sad Sarah Mclachlan spot. “Get a dog because it makes the cleanup easier when you have babies and kids” would find homes for all of the shelter dogs.
You must not be Catholic. 😉 We love our guilt-inducing motivators. But I completely agree with you–that is a brilliant campaign. I love my shelter dogs!
I hear that sister! I’m sorry to hear about your loss. Been there a couple of times myself and it sucks. I have always had dogs through both my kid’s baby phase and I totally agree that they are great helpers!
Thank you. They really are the best. Brandy taught our current dog how to be awesome too–so we’re all set. 🙂
I am so sorry for your loss. I know how much a part of a family a pet becomes.
I LOVE this post. Especially since I have now finally found someone who is as pet crazy as me…we currently have 4 cats and 3 big dogs. Seven is our record, although we have had 6 in the past. Most people think we are absolutely nuts. But you never have to worry about food dropping…both the dogs and the cats are at the ready. You should see them lined up when we make lunch for the kids. It’s hilarious. My kids have never not had a pet…it has given them the chance to learn to love and care for them, and take responsibility (although yes, most of the time we end up doing the work). But if we aren’t around (my kids are older), they do remember.
Animals really are the best. I’m not sure we’ll ever get up to 6 again, but we had a great time with them. Our kids have never not had a pet either–I think it’s a wonderful thing for them.
I’m laughing so hard at this! Every word of it is true. Our dogs gained 10 pounds each when we had a baby. No more high chairs here, but now I let them clean all the french fries off the floor of the minivan.
They are the best cleaners in the world. For sure.
Ha! If we didnt have a poop machine dog growing up, I might be tempted. Dogs have muddy paws, they shed and bark. My baby will eat the crumbs off the kitchen floor and she wipes her own nose on the couch! Booyah.
It’s true. They can be work. But we’ve managed to put gravel in the dog run and pave the path to that. So the paws stay relatively clean–except when we let the dog go to town in the mud/grass.
And you have a very talented baby. 😉
Poop sacks. They are poop sacks, aren’t they? I like how the dog won’t judge you. But how do you know your dog was nudging you to tell you it’s time to feed the baby rather than tell you to get that kid to shut the hell up?
Yeah, it’s possible she wanted the baby to shut the hell up. Either way, she helped me. And never judged.
Brandy sounds like she was the sweetest dog ever! And though I have no kids, kind of now want a dog to clean up my messes.
Brandy really was the sweetest dog ever. And she’d clean up my messes too. So you’re golden with your new plan. 😉
Dogs don’t judge. That is really the best part. I love my doggy! (Sometimes I fear I like him better than the humans in my life!)
(I like the dog better than most humans too.)
Over from #SITSsharefest.
Brilliant post. No kids but I still agree with everything you said. Made me chuckle! Now following
Kate
Thank you. And thank you. And I’m looking forward to checking your blog out as well. Cheers!
Loved the picture too 🙂
Thank you. 🙂
Your post reminded me of a family I Nannied for many years ago… They had a little Scottie dog who made a great slurping garbage disposal. If the 15 month old didn’t like what I was feeding her she would seriously wait till I turned around and I would hear SLURP! And her lunch or breakfast would be gone! And there would be Max licking his chops! We sadly haven’t been able to have babies but that doesn’t mean our dogs don’t have their own version of garbage disposal… It’s called “cucumber radar” it doesn’t matter how quietly my hubby tries to cut cucumber or really any veggie our 2 boys come running! If a baby was here they would be the first vacuum garbage disposal combo appliance! Love your writing!!!
Thank you! And sending you lots of baby vibes! xoxo
You are sooooo right! My oldest was a horrible mess maker in his high chair. The kid threw food EVERYWHERE! Thank God for my dog who was more than happy to help me clean up!
It is seriously the best thing ever. I’m just lucky none of my dogs has had any food allergies.
I do love my dogs’ floor cleaning skills. Other than that, they are annoying. They bark at everything and that would wake a sleeping baby if I had one. I love cats.
LOL. I had a barker too. My current one isn’t as much a barker, which is a relief. I miss my cats, but I don’t miss cleaning the litter boxes.
Really, REALLY not a dog person. And have sworn off all further pets for time immemorial. But you make some convincing points. If I ever have a third child (please, God no!), I will take a dog under consideration.
Dogs and babies are the perfect combo. Not at all stressful. 😉
We currently have 4 small dogs. They help my 8 year old daughter finish her supper when she doesn’t want to eat or says she is full. I can walk away from the table with her plate half full and when I come back to finish clearing it off, her plate is empty. Of course, I know damn well she didn’t eat the rest of it because she told me as I was walking away from the table that she was full and I told her to take a couple more bites.