Haiku Part II (Ha! That Rhymed!)

Yeah, I admit it. I went a little haiku crazy. After my last post about not being able to stop haiku-ing, I kept going. And going. And going. I’ve been haiku-ing up and down Twitter and Facebook. I think I sprained a finger counting syllables.

I wrote a shit-ton of haiku. Almost 100 all total. I won’t include them all here, but I will give you the highlights of Twitter. And also some that I didn’t submit to the Twitter Haiku Contest because Suburban Haiku is “polite society” haiku.

Haiku Inspired by Being a 40ish Mom

I wore yoga pants
And then did yoga. Sorry,
I broke the rules.

It is a good thing
I was safe on the toilet
When I sneezed just now.

I put on some clean
underwear today. Hooray!
for small victories.

Haiku Inspired by Parenting

Take the kids to work—
always a fun day for you.
Can you keep them there?

Science fair projects:
another form of torture
or of birth control?

Tweeting is lots like
parenting. No one listens.
They all want gold stars.

Will I fix your toy?
Yes, I absolutely will.
*hides it forever*

Weekly laundry time:
one pair of undies from son.
The math doesn’t work.

If we didn’t have
kids, we’d be so stinkin’ rich.
And much less tired.

My gawd! Clean your room!
I can’t take it anymore!
Suburban landmines.

Spring break is over.
Now I have the freedom to
go to the dentist.

Haiku Inspired by Modern-Day Living

It’s been so long since
I sent you that friend request.
Who are you, again?

It’s been way too long.
I can not remember why
#orangeisthenewblack.

Here at the office.
It's about as much fun as
brushing my cat's teeth.

I had a dream that
I cleaned up my house. So I
will just call it good.

I’m pondering life’s
important questions. Mostly:
Can I trust this fart?

Haiku Inspired by Booze

A bottle of wine
has 600 calories.
Sounds like dinner, no?

That wine wasn’t good.
I just finished the bottle
to get rid of it.

Going up and down
the stairs to get one more beer
is exercise, right?

Haiku Inspired by Haiku

#suburbanhaiku
week is better than #sharkweek.
Fighting words, for sure.

I’m spewing haiku.
Not all great. Still better than
spewing other things.

I'm gonna take this,
put it on a button,
and wear it forever.

Some of my very favorite haiku contained curse words and/or inappropriate topics. These I didn’t enter into the contest.

Oh, my yoga pants
My not so secret lover.
Caress my ass now.

When I hear the word
“moist,” I snicker just like a
12-year-old boy would.

To my dear husband:
Thank you for the credit card.
Want that blowjob now?

And one of my very favorites was sent to me by my friend Pattie at Bitter Ex-Nuke Wife:

Shit Fuck Shit Shit Fuck
Sharp Pieces of Hell Sent Toys
Legos can suck it.

And that, my friends, concludes my haiku hysteria. Oh, I’ll still haiku from time to time, but I won’t assault Twitter with a barrage of haiku. Unless, Suburban Haiku has another contest…