Yeah, I admit it. I went a little haiku crazy. After my last post about not being able to stop haiku-ing, I kept going. And going. And going. I’ve been haiku-ing up and down Twitter and Facebook. I think I sprained a finger counting syllables.
I wrote a shit-ton of haiku. Almost 100 all total. I won’t include them all here, but I will give you the highlights of Twitter. And also some that I didn’t submit to the Twitter Haiku Contest because Suburban Haiku is “polite society” haiku.
Haiku Inspired by Being a 40ish Mom
I wore yoga pants And then did yoga. Sorry, I broke the rules.
It is a good thing I was safe on the toilet When I sneezed just now.
I put on some clean underwear today. Hooray! for small victories.
Haiku Inspired by Parenting
Take the kids to work— always a fun day for you. Can you keep them there?
Science fair projects: another form of torture or of birth control?
Tweeting is lots like parenting. No one listens. They all want gold stars.
Will I fix your toy? Yes, I absolutely will. *hides it forever*
Weekly laundry time: one pair of undies from son. The math doesn’t work.
If we didn’t have kids, we’d be so stinkin’ rich. And much less tired.
My gawd! Clean your room! I can’t take it anymore! Suburban landmines.
Spring break is over. Now I have the freedom to go to the dentist.
Haiku Inspired by Modern-Day Living
It’s been so long since I sent you that friend request. Who are you, again?
It’s been way too long. I can not remember why #orangeisthenewblack.
Here at the office. It's about as much fun as brushing my cat's teeth.
I had a dream that I cleaned up my house. So I will just call it good.
I’m pondering life’s important questions. Mostly: Can I trust this fart?
Haiku Inspired by Booze
A bottle of wine has 600 calories. Sounds like dinner, no?
That wine wasn’t good. I just finished the bottle to get rid of it.
Going up and down the stairs to get one more beer is exercise, right?
Haiku Inspired by Haiku
#suburbanhaiku week is better than #sharkweek. Fighting words, for sure.
I’m spewing haiku. Not all great. Still better than spewing other things.
I'm gonna take this, put it on a button, and wear it forever.
Some of my very favorite haiku contained curse words and/or inappropriate topics. These I didn’t enter into the contest.
Oh, my yoga pants My not so secret lover. Caress my ass now.
When I hear the word “moist,” I snicker just like a 12-year-old boy would.
To my dear husband: Thank you for the credit card. Want that blowjob now?
And one of my very favorites was sent to me by my friend Pattie at Bitter Ex-Nuke Wife:
Shit Fuck Shit Shit Fuck Sharp Pieces of Hell Sent Toys Legos can suck it.