My husband and I do regular date nights with our kids. We alternate which kid we go out with, and we let the kids decide what we should do. We always enjoy our one-on-one time and getting to know the kids on their own.
Recently, my son and I were scheduled to go out on our monthly date. He hadnโt told me where he wanted to go, so on the day of the date, I asked him about it:
Me: So, Colin, your sister and Dad went to a movie for their date. Where do you want to go? What do you want to do?
Colin: โฆ
Me: Bowling? Petroglyph*? The movies?
Colin (with a little twinkle in his eye): We could go to Targetโฆ
Me (eying him suspiciously): Uhhhh, Target? For a date?
Colin: I love Target. You love Target. Itโs both of our favorite place. Itโs a win-win.
(Heโs 8, remember.)
It was hard to argue with that kind of logic. But a trip to Target didnโt feel like a โrealโ date to me. So I suggested an add-on.
Me: Okay, we can go to Target and then letโs go to dinner. You can pick the restaurant.
Colin: GREAT!
And so we went to Target for our date. The first stop was at the Food Court to purchase an ICEEย for the boy. (Cherry is his favorite.) Armed with portable sugar, we walked out to the main store.
Colin (slyly): Mom, do you want to look at your clothing section? I know itโs your favorite.
Me: No, this is your date. What section would you like to look at?
Colin (with a sheepish grin): How about the toy section?
Me: Sure.
He held my hand as we walked to the toy section, and then he perused the aisles for a few moments before zeroing in on a couple of small Imaginext toys. He held one in each hand and looked back and forth at them. I rationalized in my head that I would have spent more money at the movies so I offered to buy him one of the toys.
Me: Iโll tell you what. Iโll buy one toy for you since weโre not spending any money on an activity.
Colin (rapidly before I changed my mind): Great. You buy this one, and Iโll buy this other one with my money. And this one too. (Grabbing another toy.)
While we were in line to make our purchase, Colin held the toys in his arms and hugged them tightly.
Colin: You know what, Mom? This was a really great trip to the store. And the ICEEย and toy shopping has been so much fun. Iโm not all that hungry. I donโt think we need to go to dinner.
Me (a bit dejected): Okayโฆ
Back at home, we went to the kitchen table to remove the toys from their packaging. (Other parents will understand that this task involved a machete, a blowtorch, and a stick of dynamite…followed by a trip to the first aid kit.)
He ran his new car over the table, and I flew a jet through the air. We had a pretend car vs. jet battle.ย This adorable mother-son scene lasted about 5 minutes.
Colin (shoving the empty toy packages at me): Mom, can you take this stuff out to the recycling bin?
Me: Sure, buddy. Iโll be right back.
I took the packaging out to the recycling bin, and when I came back inside, I discovered that he had moved his toys to his room and shut the door.
And that concluded my date night with Colin.ย Basically, he just wantedย me for a ride and some free toys. I feel so used.
*That right there shows you what a good mom I am. Petroglyph is a ceramic painting place. I HATE those ceramic painting places. I don’t like to paint, and mine always come out ugly. I don’t like useless ceramic crap in my house. And I definitelyย don’t like paying eleventybilliondollars for ugly useless ceramic crap. But I would have goneโfor my son.
43 Responses
It’s funny how you felt “used” when I actually interpret it as quality time or even making memories with your son. One very important thing I have done as a father, is to make memories with my kids. Now, my kids are 25,23 and 19. 2 boys and a girl. When each of them were born I sat holding them after they had just popped out and promised them that I would be apart of their lives as long as they wanted me to be. To this day I have been to numerous plays,concerts,parent/teacher interviews,football practices and games,cheer leading practices and competitions. I won’t be one of those father’s lying on my death bed wishing I could have had more time with my kids. No regrets from me at all. To this day I spend time listening to their days at college and days at work. It is an amazing feeling knowing that I have kids that can sit and talk about anything and everything.
My time with him is always quality time. And of course we made yet another memory that night: of him using me for a toy and a ride. ๐
A toy and a ride? Next time you’re out you buy yourself a toy to ride…xo
Come on man. This isn’t the place for that kind of shit.
Hugh, this is a humor blog. Lighten up.
I know its a humour blog…..just adding my thoughts on parent and kid relations.
It is indeed a humor blog. I’m glad that came across. xoxo
Really, Foxy? What a sucker!
I know. I got totally played. I’m changing the rules next time. If only to get more great conversations for the blog.
I dunno…he sounds pretty smart.
You wanna have a date night with me? I need some new boots. Pleeeeeeeease??
He’s brilliant. And clearly he got that from his mother. And I’d give the boots off of my feet to have a date night with you. (Just kidding. It’s California; I’ll be in flip-flops for the next few months.) xoxo
I really dislike when my 10 year old boy proves (again!) that he is smarter than me. Glad I am not alone.
Seriously. You are definitely NOT alone.
For fucks sake’s he’s one smart kid. I honestly wish I was that smart when I was his age lol. I mean I’m only 28 years old but wow. From the looks of it, you did a great job with him Foxy. Keep it up! ๐
Smart boy you’ve got there. Those skills will serve him well in the “real world”.
Yes, indeed. I’m glad he’s finally learning these street smarts.
Smart kid!! I like Target too. I’ll have a Venti Americano to start though, and I’m probably going to hit the electronics section pretty hard. You should bring the good credit cards.
HAHAHA! I’ll start with Double Tall Non-fat Latte. When are we going?
This one hurts me! Ohhh, the pain our own children can inflict. Little bastards. ๐
Yep. I got passed over for some toys. Siiiiiigh.
Too much choice got you into this one!
I 10000000% agree with you.
I’m with Michelle–are you busy Friday night? ๐
My daughter wants to go to one of those painting places too. Ours is called HeART & Soul (I live in a kind of hippy-dippy place). I wouldn’t mind so much, except that instead of paining something remotely useful, like a platter or a mug, my kids always pick out the ceramic car or turtle, or the open-mouth-piranha-tea-light-holder (really). It’s not so much that we need another damned mug, but sure don’t need a ceramic turtle.
Let’s you, me, and Michelle all go out this weekend. Please?! And we have an extensive collection of painted ceramic animals and vehicles and shoes. FML. ๐
Sadly you were used ๐ I laughed at the dynamite line!
You laughed because you know. YOU. KNOW.
Be glad he’s only 8. The older they get, the more expensive the swindling gets.
Just be prepared when he’s 16 and wants date night at the “Audi dealership”.
I will definitely have to decline that date night.
This reminds me of my son โ but he is 20-years-old and still manages to finagle free shit out of me. However, I am rewarded because we often have great conversations and he is as funny as hell. It just occurred to me that he has me well trained.
The conversations really do make it worth it. And I’m pretty well trained too. xoxo
What you have there is an 8-year-old con artist.
I’m so proud. ๐
That li’l rascal! Very clever, that one!
He is so very clever. I’m in trouble.
That little stinker! That little BRILLIANT stinker! Can’t say I didn’t pull some of that when I was his age. After I knew about the Tooth Fairy, I’d tell my mom when I’d lost a tooth, and she’d give me money. Then I’d tell my dad. Then my Gram. Then my Papa. I made out like a bandit!!!
When he was 2, he had a t-shirt with a stink bug that said “Lil Stinker.” I didn’t know how prophetic it was. ๐ And I 1000000% believe that you were a little swindler too. ๐
Sounds like a win-win to me. Oh and your kid is a genius.
Yes. I admit to opening up a bottle of wine and picking up my book after he left. And he’s way smarter than I am, for sure.
Wow. I hope your 8 year old doesn’t go to school with my 9 year old. He might give him some ideas…
We’d be in real trouble if those two got together. For sure.
I love Colin. SO. MUCH.
(You were Imaginext-blocked.)
I never know how to feel when I’m outwitted by my own and she’s just 4. I’m part shocked and disturbed but also pretty impressed.
Love this story. My son is 19 now but I have fond memories similar to this date night ๐ Found you on Michelle’s Rubber shoes blog.