Foxy Wine Pocket

Me, uncensored.

Foxy’s Rules of Engagement

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Foxy's Rules of Engagement #myhappyplace #dontbeadick

“Lincoln Junk Shop – June 2013 – Family Rules” by Gareth Williams is licensed under CC BY 2.0. Cropped from original and added title graphic overlay.

 

So it was Penis Week last week on the blog. I swear I didn’t do that intentionally, but that’s how these things go sometimes. (My subconscious must be telling me something.) I talked about circumcision decisions and blowjobs and nuts. (And I told a lot of penis jokes.)

But, frankly, Penis Week brought out some dicks. I’m not going to name any names or point any fingers, but some unsavory behavior has occurred on and around my blog. People, you need to understand: this blog is my happy place. I want to laugh here. I want to make dick jokes. I want you to laugh here and make dick jokes.

Like many of you, I’ve been in some rough places, and I’ve seen some bad, bad shit. I’ve talked about some of those losses and struggles before, and I’ll most certainly talk more about them. But here—here on this blog—it’s my happy place. And I want it to stay that way. So I thought it would be a good time to set some of Foxy’s rules.

The Don’ts:

  • First and foremost: don’t be a dick. Don’t harass other commenters. Don’t say mean things. While you are absolutely entitled to your opinion, this is my blog, and I’m entitled to delete your opinion if you’re being a dick.
  • Don’t take me too seriously. I don’t. I mean, I call myself FOXY, people. This is a humor blog; it’s for humor. I use heavy sarcasm. I exaggerate, twist, and skew.
  • Don’t steal my shit. It’s mine. I own it under federal copyright laws, and I’ve got lawyers in my family. If I have to, I’ll call in that favor from the relatives I really don’t want to talk to.
  • Don’t drink and drive. And don’t hurt people. Or animals. Okay, just don’t be a dick.

The Do’s:

  • Enjoy a beverage while reading this blog. I love to hear that you spit out your drink because of something I’ve said.
  • Make dick jokes. I love dick jokes.
  • Leave comments when you want. I love reading your reactions and your stories. I love the conversations we have.
  • Say something nice to someone.
  • Share me with your friends. Tell them to follow me on Facebook and Twitter. The more the merrier.
  • Send me lyrics so Mr. Foxy can make more songs. Seriously. We’ve got one coming from est.1975 very soon.

Any questions?

Thankfully most of you naturally follow these rules. I love you guys. I really do.

 


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Comments

  2. A wife caught her husband using the hair dryer on his dick. ‘What are you doing?’, she enquired. Heating your dinner was apparently the wrong answer.
    Happy happy.

  3. Have been lurking on your blog (and FB) which I only found recently. Haven’t left a comment yet because I have no funny wisdom to share. But I do love your thoughts and the rules. Penis week had me in stitches; I confirm, I have been spilling wine on my iPad while reading. 😉 As for dick jokes, well, I don’t really know any. Sorry.

  4. Thank you! YES!

    I am always shocked when people make a serious reply to a blog post or a tweet or FB, whatever…I would think it’s obvious it’s not meant to be serious.

    I LOVE your blog and your message and I will do my best to not be a dick. Except to that one guy at work, screw that guy. Not really. You know what I mean.

  5. I never read, but geez I love your blog! I get so excited when I have a new email notifying me of another story!
    Keep it up, your humour is fantastic, and hell, I’ve even been reccomending it to others.. Even my dad haha!

  7. Ok, you are so damn funny. I have been a lurker on your blog and though I don’t have anything witty to add..I just want you to know that I love your writing and humor, and I too have spit out wine several times as a result. Keep it up, and to heck with the dicks.

  10. Truly, the blood chills.

    They say penis size is related to shoe size.

    This makes the fear of being sexually abused by a clown that much scarier.

  13. I just started following your blog and let me say I love your witty sarcasm. My motto–“I’d rather live my life to the fullest then to conduct myself in a certain way to gain approval from others. i have no regrets and especially no apologies.”

  15. It makes me crazy when people take what are clearly humor blogs (or posts that are intended to be humorous) seriously. Lighten up, people.

    Let’s see…dick jokes… … … nope, I got nothin’. May I offer you something in a dirty limerick?

  16. 2 guys in a men’s room in a bar, 1 white (Mike) the other African American (Bubba). As both are standing at the urinal, the white guy catches a glimpse of the other guy meat. Wide eyed he asks, holy hell man, were you born with that thing? The other replies no….I have had to work on getting it this big. Still gawking at his neighbors manhood he asks” what did you do to get it that big”? Buddy replies” every night before bed I slap it against the bed post 3 times( fwap fwap fwap). As they finish up in washroom Mike say to Bubba thanks man I’m gunna have to try that. A few weeks pass and Mike has been diligently fwapping his dick on the bedpost making it larger. During this time Mikes wife had been out of town aiding her ill mother. Unknowing that his wife had come home earlier than expected,she decided to surprise her hubby. Mike came home late that night and proceeded to continue his routine of fwapping against the bedpost. The bedroom was dark and Mike had never given a thought to his wife being there. Mike removes his clothes and proceeds to fwap as usual. His wife hears the first fwap and yells out”BUBBA I missed you.

  18. Personally I look so forward to your blogs. They make me laugh so hard I sometimes pee myself a little bit! I can relate to many of the stories. I thankyou for bringing humour to a world devastated by all the terrorism. Thankyou thankyou thankyou! XxX

  20. Don’t be a dick? IT’S HARD!

    Two dudes are walking through the fog across the Golden Gate Bridge, debating who has the more ridiculously huge cock. Halfway across, as convention would dictate, that have to pee and get ’em out. Since it’s foggy (and come on, they’re super manly and they would never actually look at another dude’s junk anyway), they can’t see whose is bigger. Guy 1 starts peeing and says “Ooh man, this water’s cold!” Guy 2 replies “Yeah, and the undertow is bad, too!” OLD JOKES!

    Legitimate for real story: When I was 19, I worked in a hardware store in northern NYS. I was walking around the store one day and happened on an older man who looked like he was searching fruitlessly. I asked if I could help:

    Him: “Yes, do you carry toilet seats that are … … thicker?”
    Me: “Well, we have these padded ones over here.”
    H: “I saw those, but they’re not really that much bigger. That’s all?”
    M: “Yes, unfortunately. How much thicker are you trying to find?”
    H: ” … … As thick as I can. See, you’ll figure this out some day, but things … change as you get older, and I don’t want my balls dragging in the water.”

    I barely managed to suggest he try a medical supply store before I ran away and died laughing/vomiting.

  21. LOVE you and your blog and I regularly alert others to it whether it be by retweet or another shout out on one of my own posts, and as soon as I get around to washing my car (read: as soon as I can tolerate being out in the Florida sun for longer than 3 minutes), that sticker is going on there too.

    Ok, so dick joke . . .

    Dude 1: “I’m dating your ex girlfriend”.
    Dude 2: “WHAT?! Well how does it feel being in her old used junk”?
    Dude 1: “After the first 2 inches, like brand new”!

  22. Clearly the real Dicks are the ones who dislike Dick jokes. There is obviously something wrong with them 😀 Love your blog and everything about it, the humor, the sarcasm, the entertainment, and your honesty, but most importantly the laughs you bring me.

    Keep up the great work!! Xx

    P.S: I have your next Dick related topic for your blog. The names we give to our man’s Dick. (Ie: The Loch Ness Monster or The One eyed trouser snake and so on) Lol 😀

    • I have a few”nicknames” too Joanne,….”Purple headed yogurt slinger”….”Mr.mushroom head”…”Tall Tommy”…..and my ultimate favorite…”Pedro”

      • The “Purple Headed Yoghurt Slinger”, I’m impressed!! PMSL

        I look forward to reading more of your comments Hugh 😀

  24. I’ve gotten some pretty shitty comments myself, but I take solace in the fact that they suck and I’m awesome, as are you. Make your dick jokes, and when some asshole posts a nasty comment, make fun of him on a new blog post. It’s fun for the whole family.