Listen up, men. We women are hard-working, exhausted, and possibly a bit cranky from our daily demands. Oftentimes, we’re not feeling in the least bit sexy. As manly as you try to sound, “Wanna do it?” is not going to get our juices flowing. Your tried-and-true mating rituals, like flashing your man parts or slapping our backsides, are much more likely to get an eye roll than a roll in the hay. These days, if you really want to turn us on, try a few of these mood enhancers instead:
- Do the dishes. Load the dishwasher, and then scrub those pots hard and fast. Don’t forget to wipe down every surface with your hot, wet towel.
- Massage our feet. Rub them deep. Rub them hard. Rub them up. Rub them down. More! Yes, that’s it! Yes! Yes!
- Give us what we really want when we say we’re hot—a fan and some ice water. Then let us attend to our own needs during the many hot flashes.
- Fluff and fold the laundry. Then put it away. PUT IT ALL AWAY DEEP INSIDE THAT CLOSET, BABY.
- Prepare a steamy bubble bath—complete with music and wine. Then, leave the room and let us slide in all by ourselves.
- Mow the lawn. Be sure to remove all of the weeds and keep the edges well-manicured. That’s what we call real manscaping.
- Complete that painting project that’s been on the list for months. Be sure to clean up the wet, sticky mess.
- Pour us a glass of wine, kick us out of the kitchen, and make the family dinner. We love it when it’s a little spicy.
- Let us sleep in. What better way to be the man of our dreams than to let us have dreams? We promise they are of you and not of People Magazine’s Hottest Man Alive.
- Make us coffee every morning. And deliver it while it’s still fresh. We like it HOT.
- Watch a chick flick with us—something you wouldn’t pick yourself. You know you like to watch us having fun.
- Vacuum the house—the whole house. Suck it all up, baby.
- Bring us breakfast in bed. You know how much we like to eat in the bedroom.
- Take our cars in for wash and a lube job. We like our rides clean and smooth.
- Gifts. Buy us something from our favorite store. Something leather. Maybe with a zipper or a heavy buckle. You know we’re talking about a purse, right?
By the way, we’re happy to brainstorm other chores ways to get us in the mood anytime. The promise of getting things accomplished is the biggest turn-on of all.
© 2015 Kathryn Leehane, as first published on Scary Mommy.
Photo Credit: auremar / 123RF Stock Photo
9 Responses
HAHAHAH..Yes..to all of these. You are a genius.
Yes! I’m gonna have to have my husband read this himself, since there’s no way I can make those chores sounds as sexy as you can.
Momus gets credit for close to half of those things on a regular basis. I will attest – it works.
Sending this to my husband 🙂
Yes to all of this! And make that gift an Apple product. I’m a tech junky. You can keep your flowers and jewelry. Mama wants an Apple watch.
Now that’s how you write a sex scene! 😉
I do 10 of these regularly, did my wife seem happy when you met her?
By the time I got to the end of this list I was hearing angels singing Barry White.
Love it! Seems to me though that there could be one more line to the effect that, even though these things would be immensely appreciated and add up in the ‘long term’ sexy pocket of ‘getting some’, even if you do ALL OF THE ABOVE, which would BE AWESOME, I may still be not ‘in the mood’. But your chances would be increased. AND don’t get your hopes up and have ANY EXPECTATIONS. Because I might, or might not want to. 🙂