Although we don’t talk every day, I think about you constantly. An inside joke here, a shared sorrow there—I love these reminders of you, and I want to ensure you know a few things.
- The day I met you, my life changed for the better.
You’re stuck with me now.I am forever grateful to have you as my best friend.
- When I’m drunk and profess my undying love for you, it’s not the booze. I really do love you that much.
- I will always tell you if you have spinach in your teeth or toilet paper stuck to your shoe. I might take a picture first, but I promise I’ll tell you.
- I will never spill your secrets. And not just because you’ve got more dirt on me.
- You can poop at my house anytime.
- When my kids are in trouble, I know they’ll call you because 1) you’ll help them, 2) you’ll love them no matter what, and 3) you’ll calm me down.
- While my husband’s snoring drives me crazy, I will gladly jump out of bed in the middle of the night to reply to a text from you.
- I cherish our “No Judgment” policy—except when it comes to trying on jeans, because we need our butts to look good.
- You make me laugh like no other. You’re my favorite reason to pee myself.
- I’ll always give you the last French fry.
- I love you more than coffee and wine, but hopefully I will never have to prove it.
- I’ve always got your back. And I’ll always have emergency supplies, including tampons, breath mints, lip gloss, and an escape route.
- I’d rather take a vacation with you than my own family.
- Life has thrown us some curve balls. I’m glad we have each other to make those rough patches easier.
- Thank you for talking me out of that tattoo.
- Your battles are my battles. Your enemies, my enemies. Your boycotts, my boycotts. (Please don’t boycott bacon.)
- You can always lie to your husband and tell him those Amazon packages are really mine.
- You are welcome to vent in my house day or night. I have a comfy couch and a bottle of wine with your name on it. Or vodka, if necessary.
- You’re so much like family to me that I don’t even bother to clean my house when you come over. Or myself, sometimes.
- I’ve lost count of whose turn it is to buy lunch, and I don’t care.
- Just give me “The Signal,” and I’ll find a way to get you out of talking to “That Person” at the party.
- No one understands my special brand of crazy like you do. Even better, you proudly wave your freak flag with me.
- You know things my husband doesn’t even know—like my secret fantasies, my iPhone passcode, and my real weight.
- I can’t wait to see what kind of trouble we’ll get into when we move into the retirement home together.
- Obviously, we have a true friendship based on mutual love, laughter and respect (see above). Because of that, when I die, I trust you’ll delete my browser history.
© 2016 Kathryn Leehane, as first published on Scary Mommy.
Photo Credit: mindof / 123RF Stock Photo