Foxy Wine Pocket

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How to Make Bacon Pancakes (and Avoid Breakfast Pornography)

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How to Make Bacon Pancakes (and Avoid Breakfast Pornography) #bacon #breakfast #humor

It’s no secret that Mr. Foxy and I love bacon. We have a pretty steamy love affair going on in this house. We make bacon at least once a week, preferably in the panini press that we only use for bacon; hence, it is called the bacon press.

I make delicious bacon bar nuts, which are a hit at every party (if they make it to the party). I’ve found that just about every food can benefit from meat sprinkles. I pride myself in including bacon (or another pork product) in every dish on Thanksgiving. I. Love. Bacon.

So when I saw this picture on the Internet, I knew we had to try it.

Oh, delicious bacon pancake, get in my mouth.

Oh, delicious bacon pancake, get in my mouth.

Since Mr. Foxy is the pancake maker in this house, I just gave him the picture one Saturday and told him to do it. (Actually, I use that tactic for a lot of things.) I helped him out by cooking the bacon, but he did most of the work.

Here’s how the first batch came out:

Bacon Pancakes Attempt #1 (AKA, Labia Cakes)

Bacon Pancakes Attempt #1 (AKA, Labia Cakes)

We called that batch “Labia Cakes.” The Labia Cakes were absolutely delicious, although it seemed vaguely wrong to be eating them in front of the children. My friend commented on that picture: “The adjacent mustache is somewhat disturbing in that context.” I had to agree.

Also, practically speaking, the strip of bacon made the Labia Cakes a bit harder to cut. You couldn’t just use your fork; you needed a knife as well. Finally, the ratio of bacon to pancake in each bite was slightly out of whack; the bacon just wasn’t evenly distributed. These were not the bacon pancakes we were looking for.

So we brainstormed, made some adjustments to the design and preparation, and came up with this:

Add meat sprinkles to the pancakes instead of entire strips. See, you should put meat sprinkles on everything!

Solution: Add meat sprinkles to the pancakes instead of entire strips. See, you really should put meat sprinkles on everything!

Adding the meat sprinkles to the cooking pancakes was definitely the way to go. There were multiple problems solved here:

  1. You can easily cut the pancakes with a fork and do not need a knife.
  2. The bacon distribution throughout the pancake is more consistent.
  3. You are no longer starring in your own breakfast porno.

And there you have ’em, folks: bacon pancakes. You’re welcome. You can thank me by sharing this post with all of your bacon-loving friends.


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Comments

  1. I completely disagree. You should always eat the labia pancakes. It will make you laugh and spice up the marriage. If the thought of pancakes and bacon didn’t make me gag, I would do that for my hubby right away. Hilarious!!

    • HAHAHA! You’re hilarious. The pornography didn’t bother me as much as needing to use a knife to cut my bites. That’s too much effort for breakfast.

    • (The labia cakes were pretty fantastic.) In hindsight, perhaps I should have posted this on Fat Tuesday. But now you have weekend plans.

  3. Mmmm, bacon! Bacon is meat candy. Bacon is awesome. Bacon is yum-tastic!
    I need to make some labia cakes or the meat sprinkles cakes.

    I don’t do Ash Wednesday so I can do bacon today.

  6. Have you seen Jim Gaffigan’s comedy about bacon? It’s one of my family’s favorite bits (bacon bits – get it?). Our family also has a love affair with bacon. I’ve got a great French Toast Casserole recipe with bacon in it posted on my blog. Take care!

    • YES! I love Jim Gaffigan. And bacon. Thank you for the french toast casserole recipe–I’m all over that one.

    • My new goal in life is to rise above bacon neophyte status. I’m going to ask for a smoker for Mother’s Day.

  8. Lol I am so making the labia pancake for my girlfriend . That is her nick name for her lady part. Lol lol lol

    • After I posted this, I realized that one could also use the instructions for intentionally making breakfast pornography. Which is even better. Your girlfriend is a very lucky woman.

  11. We never tried the labia pancakes. There’s an awesome place in St. Augustine (Sea Oates or maybe Oattes? They spell it funny.) that makes odd combinations if you ask. Bacon-chocolate chip pancakes. Now we make them at home, too. With a side of bacon. Boom! <3

  13. I bought bacon today and am now totally devastated not to have pancake mix. I will not reat until I have made bacon cakes!

    P.S. You rock!!!!!!!!!!