Foxy Wine Pocket

Me, uncensored.

What Happens in Vegas…Gets Posted on This Blog

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For a brief moment in time, I had LED nipples. This is what happens when you invite me to your party. Vegas, Baby. @foxywinepocket | humor | vegas | bride

While I’m definitely too old for Vegas, I’m not too old for a Vegas-themed party.

Fortunately, at the beginning of every new year, my freighbors (friends who are also neighbors) throw an epic rager (I know, I’m even old for using that word). You come in costume, equipped with a short performance, according to a designated theme. Past themes have been Television Stars, Dead Celebrity, and Matchy-Matchy.

This year’s theme, as you probably guessed, was Vegas.

As soon as the theme was announced, Mr. Foxy’s costume was obvious.

[Read more…]


Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

A Foxy Lesson for the New Year

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I learned a valuable lesson this past December. It applies to everything all year long. @foxywinepocket | humor

Recently I adopted a new personal philosophy. A new way of life. I created the NOPE Movement—a movement in which I say “NOPE” to the all of bullshit around me.

Apparently this extended to the holidays as well. Because I’m done with holiday madness and stress. DONE.

[Read more…]


Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

New Years Resolution’s for Moms

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Do you make New Year's resolutions? I'm going for the easily attainable ones this year. @foxywinepocket | humor

A brand new year is upon us, and people are declaring their resolutions all over the place. In fact, one of my friends recently posted her Challenges (she doesn’t call them resolutions) on Facebook. The “challenges” went something like this:

  • Read 65 books.
  • Start swimming on Tuesday nights.
  • Make one (or more!) recipe out of every cookbook we own.
  • Organize one room in our house each month.

Oh, and she posted these as she checked into her gym—the same one she checks into every single day. Sometimes multiple times a day. And she’s “feeling determined.”

I almost peed my pants laughing when I read her post.

[Read more…]


Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

The Dysfunctional Family Drinking Game

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To stay sane during holiday gatherings, my husband and I have developed our own secret coping strategy. We call it the Dysfunctional Family Drinking Game. @foxywinepocket | humor| holidays| drinking games

The holidays are a joyful time to celebrate loved ones and family traditions. To give thanks for all of our blessings and good fortune, right? Sure. But it’s also a time of family bickering, passive-aggressive comments, colossal fuck-ups, social faux pas, and domestic disasters.

My husband and I have hosted holiday dinners for the past sixteen years, and we’ve experienced all of these things firsthand. To stay sane during these annual “celebrations,” we have developed our own coping strategy. We call it the Dysfunctional Family Drinking Game. It is a secret game that only the two of us play, and it is designed to make us laugh at the foibles and follies during Thanksgiving and any holiday gathering. Wanna know how to play?

[Read more…]


Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

9 Vacation Tips from the Trenches

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"Family Vacation" in an oxymoron. Some lessons are learned the hard way. @foxywinepocket | humor

“Family Vacation” is the cruelest oxymoron of them all. We parents torture ourselves in the name of fun and in the process end up exhausted, annoyed, and broke. As long as the kids are happy, right? Riiiiiiight…

Spending an extended amount of time and sharing a teeny tiny hotel room with my family recently has given me time to grow and reflect upon how to better handle such an adventure, should it ever (or never) happen again. Here are several lessons I’ve learned:

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Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

This Is Not an Easter Story

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This Is Not an Easter Story @foxywinepocket

A week before Easter, my son and I had an interesting conversation about the Easter Bunny. If you know my Colin, this could have gone any which way…

Colin: “Mom, where does the Easter Bunny come from?”

Me (unsure if we’re going to have a discussion on reproduction or the truth behind a mythical rabbit with an egg obsession): “Uhhh, where do you think?” [Read more…]


Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

The Lazy Mom’s Guide to St. Patrick’s Day

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The Lazy Mom's Guide to St. Patrick's Day: I've perfected celebrating this non-holiday holiday by making the day just special enough for my children but not going insane in the process. @foxywinepocket | humor

When I was growing up, we celebrated St. Patrick’s Day by wearing green, pinching people who weren’t (and some who were because, HELLO CUTE BOY!), and running home only to be assaulted by the disappointing stench of steaming cabbage and Leprechaun tears emanating from the kitchen.

Simple pleasures, people.

So what do I think these days when I see overzealous Pinterest Moms making elaborate, eco-friendly, St. Patrick’s-themed crafts and baking organic, naturally-green-colored, shamrock-shaped snacks and then showcasing their accomplishments all over social media?

AWWW, HELL NO.

[Read more…]


Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

I Cancelled Valentine’s Day

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I Cancelled Valentine's Day @foxywinepocket #humor

We don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day in our house. I cancelled it years ago. (I’m a fan of cancelling things.)

I’m just not a big believer in the overly-commercialized holiday. And it really doesn’t help that Valentine’s Day is within the same three-week timeframe as my son’s birthday, my husband’s birthday, and our wedding anniversary (piss-poor planning on my part).

It gets exhausting buying shit for other people.

[Read more…]


Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

Whips, Dips, and Other Ways to Party

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Whips, Dips, and Other Ways to Party @foxywinepocket.com

There are two important things to know before you read this story:

  1. I have some amazing freighbors (friends + neighbors) who throw ridiculously fun parties.
  2. I lost my beloved nut bowl two years ago at one of these parties.

Okay, now the story. This year’s New Year’s party was actually held on Friday, January 2—a brilliant strategy to ensure everyone could attend (and have adequate recovery time). Last year we had a Dead Celebrity theme. This year’s theme was Matchy-Matchy. Inspired by this bit of awesome ridiculousness.

Two of my freighbors teamed up with Mr. Foxy and myself to create DEVO. (Please tell me you remember DEVO and that I’m not really old.) We bought hats and coordinating outfits. I even bought a whip.

[Read more…]


Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

Foxy Favorites

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Foxy Favorites: The Most Popular Posts of 2014 @foxywinepocket

I was recently at a gathering with a bunch of my high school friends. My old debate partner was there, and we were talking about what we’ve been doing lately. My old debate partner is a pediatric endocrinologist at a prestigious university. I’ve been writing about Brazilians and blow jobs.

Same difference, right?

Okay, I’ve written about more than just Brazilians and blow jobs, and I firmly believe that laughter is its own form of medicine. I gathered a few of the most popular pieces of 2014 so you can escape family, work, or general chaos and have a few laughs and feels. I’ve even categorized them for your reading pleasure:

Sex, Lies, and General Inapproriateness

Parenting?

Weird, Random, She-Might-Not-Be-Right-in-the-Head Ridiculousness

My Serious Side

Oh YEAH! I’m in some books too. You should definitely check those out (and buy them)!

Thank you for spending 2014 with me. I’m so grateful you’re here.

Wishing you all a very HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Cheers, Foxy xoxo


Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)