Holidaze & Fancy Ways

The Perfect Wife

The invitation to my husband’s company Christmas party could not have arrived at a better time. Like a summons from heaven, we were invited to don elegant clothing, dine amongst corporate elite, and spend the evening at an upscale hotel.

I wept tears of joy.

See, at the time, I had a three-year-old daughter, an infant son, two large dogs, and four cats under my round-the-clock care. (Take my advice: just have the baby; don’t pretend you’re not ready and adopt too many animals instead.) Still nursing my son, I was severely sleep deprived and generally ragged. Showers were infrequent (as was any basic hygiene), and milk, bodily fluids, and other mysterious substances constantly covered my skin and clothing. My best outfit included some capri maternity jeans from Old Navy and whatever machine-washable shirt didn’t have stains on it.

I was desperate for an adult night out without anyone clinging to me, needing to be comforted, fed, or changed. I was desperate to feel clean and beautiful. I was desperate for a full night’s sleep.

Oh yeah, I also wanted to support my husband, Mr. Foxy. Recently promoted, he wanted to make a good impression with the new VPs and the CEO. Arm candy couldn’t hurt. Operation “Be the Perfect Wife in Exchange for a Free Night on the Town” commenced.

[Read more…]

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How Do You Make a Clown Nativity Set Even More Awesome?

By Foxy

No, Mr. Foxy, the answer is not “Throw it into the 2020 dumpster fire!” STOP SUGGESTING THAT.

As you may recall, earlier this year, I wrote about my Clown Nativity set. Or maybe you purged that story from your brain. Seriously though, compared to some of my other whacked-out projects, the Clown Nativity set is pretty benign. In fact, I think it’s awesome. But, because the pandemic is making me do crazy shit, I wanted to make it even more awesome-er.

[Read more…]

Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

What’s Your New Pandemic Hobby?

By Foxy

Folks, shit’s about to get weird ‘round here.

When government ineptitude first led to shelter-in-place, I figured I’d make the best of my time at home. I Kon-mari’d the fuck out of some closets and cabinets. I fixed a necklace (in two minutes) that had been broken for six years. I even filled out the baby books for my children (who are 17 and 14). Eventually, I ran out of projects and got tired of doom-scrolling and rage-tweeting. So I decided that a new hobby was the key to my pandemic paradise.

Now, I’ve been watching y’all. Not in a creepy way, I swear. But I’ve been ~~judging~~ reviewing what you’re posting on Facebook and Instagram and the like. I know some of you are exercising more. Some of you are making sourdough bread with your own starter named Earl. Y’all are reading more, doing puzzles, and even learning new languages. Good for you.

I took my productivity in a positively Foxy direction: dolls. My new hobby began with “let’s make a creepy Halloween decoration (that’s what Mr. Foxy calls it, but we all know it will be up year-round).” But it got so much worse. SO. MUCH. WORSE.

[Read more…]

Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

What Happens in Vegas…Gets Posted on This Blog

By Foxy

While I’m definitely too old for Vegas, I’m not too old for a Vegas-themed party.

Fortunately, at the beginning of every new year, my freighbors (friends who are also neighbors) throw an epic rager (I know, I’m even old for using that word). You come in costume, equipped with a short performance, according to a designated theme. Past themes have been Television Stars, Dead Celebrity, and Matchy-Matchy.

This year’s theme, as you probably guessed, was Vegas.

As soon as the theme was announced, Mr. Foxy’s costume was obvious.

Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

A Foxy Lesson for the New Year

By Foxy

Recently I adopted a new personal philosophy. A new way of life. I created the NOPE Movement—a movement in which I say “NOPE” to the all of bullshit around me.

Apparently this extended to the holidays as well. Because I’m done with holiday madness and stress. DONE.

Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

New Years Resolution’s for Moms

By Foxy

Do you make New Year's resolutions? I'm going for the easily attainable ones this year. @foxywinepocket | humor

A brand new year is upon us, and people are declaring their resolutions all over the place. In fact, one of my friends recently posted her Challenges (she doesn’t call them resolutions) on Facebook. The “challenges” went something like this:

Read 65 books.
Start swimming on Tuesday nights.
Make one (or more!) recipe out of every cookbook we own.
Organize one room in our house each month.

Oh, and she posted these as she checked into her gym—the same one she checks into every single day. Sometimes multiple times a day. And she’s “feeling determined.”

I almost peed my pants laughing when I read her post.

Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

The Dysfunctional Family Drinking Game

By Foxy

To stay sane during holiday gatherings, my husband and I have developed our own secret coping strategy. We call it the Dysfunctional Family Drinking Game. @foxywinepocket | humor| holidays| drinking games

The holidays are a joyful time to celebrate loved ones and family traditions. To give thanks for all of our blessings and good fortune, right? Sure. But it’s also a time of family bickering, passive-aggressive comments, colossal fuck-ups, social faux pas, and domestic disasters.

My husband and I have hosted holiday dinners for the past sixteen years, and we’ve experienced all of these things firsthand. To stay sane during these annual “celebrations,” we have developed our own coping strategy. We call it the Dysfunctional Family Drinking Game. It is a secret game that only the two of us play, and it is designed to make us laugh at the foibles and follies during Thanksgiving and any holiday gathering. Wanna know how to play?

Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

9 Vacation Tips from the Trenches

By Foxy

"Family Vacation" in an oxymoron. Some lessons are learned the hard way. @foxywinepocket | humor

“Family Vacation” is the cruelest oxymoron of them all. We parents torture ourselves in the name of fun and in the process end up exhausted, annoyed, and broke. As long as the kids are happy, right? Riiiiiiight…

Spending an extended amount of time and sharing a teeny tiny hotel room with my family recently has given me time to grow and reflect upon how to better handle such an adventure, should it ever (or never) happen again. Here are several lessons I’ve learned:

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This Is Not an Easter Story

By Foxy

This Is Not an Easter Story @foxywinepocket

A week before Easter, my son and I had an interesting conversation about the Easter Bunny. If you know my Colin, this could have gone any which way…

Colin: “Mom, where does the Easter Bunny come from?”

Me (unsure if we’re going to have a discussion on reproduction or the truth behind a mythical rabbit with an egg obsession): “Uhhh, where do you think?” [Read more…] about This Is Not an Easter Story

Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

The Lazy Mom’s Guide to St. Patrick’s Day

By Foxy

The Lazy Mom's Guide to St. Patrick's Day: I've perfected celebrating this non-holiday holiday by making the day just special enough for my children but not going insane in the process. @foxywinepocket | humor

When I was growing up, we celebrated St. Patrick’s Day by wearing green, pinching people who weren’t (and some who were because, HELLO CUTE BOY!), and running home only to be assaulted by the disappointing stench of steaming cabbage and Leprechaun tears emanating from the kitchen.

Simple pleasures, people.

So what do I think these days when I see overzealous Pinterest Moms making elaborate, eco-friendly, St. Patrick’s-themed crafts and baking organic, naturally-green-colored, shamrock-shaped snacks and then showcasing their accomplishments all over social media?

AWWW, HELL NO.

Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

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