Foxy Wine Pocket

Me, uncensored.

  • About
  • Books
  • Events
  • Contact Me

How Do You Make a Clown Nativity Set Even More Awesome?

By Foxy

No, Mr. Foxy, the answer is not “Throw it into the 2020 dumpster fire!” STOP SUGGESTING THAT.

As you may recall, earlier this year, I wrote about my Clown Nativity set. Or maybe you purged that story from your brain. Seriously though, compared to some of my other whacked-out projects, the Clown Nativity set is pretty benign. In fact, I think it’s awesome. But, because the pandemic is making me do crazy shit, I wanted to make it even more awesome-er.

Christmas is right around the corner. (It is right? I know sure what month it is anymore.) As I lovingly gazed at my holy clowns, something just didn’t sit right with me.

CHRISTMAS IN JULY, MOTHERFUCKERS

The clowns seemed somehow vulnerable and exposed. Someone (*cough, cough* Mr. Foxy) might try to murder one of them by pushing them off the edge of the end table. Also, there wasn’t enough room for my wine glass, but I swear that wasn’t my primary motivation. Really and truly, I just wanted to keep my clown babies safe.

So, I built a barn for my Clown Nativity set.

I’m not gonna lie—this project was longer and harder than I thought it would be. After having wasted spent invested all that money on my beautiful baby dolls, I knew Mr. Foxy would be pissed if I spent any money on this project. So I contacted one my neighbors who had a huge pile of good, hard wood. Materials acquired.

Then came the construction. I mean, I’m crafty and shit, but my carpentry skills are seriously lacking. (Jesus would not approve. Or maybe he would because it’s a nativity set? hashtag meta) I found some sort of electric saw and just started hacking at the wood. I had a basic idea of what I wanted, and I was letting the spirit of the clowns move me. I ended up with wood in multiple sizes and shapes.

For the assembly, I started out pounding the wood, but that didn’t work out so well because we don’t have a worktable or clamps or anything like that. Also, I didn’t know what the hell I was doing. Then, after far too much time handling the wood, I realized that—once again—screwing was the best option. Only, I couldn’t do that alone. So I dragged Mr. Foxy out to the garage so he could screw with me. Basically, I held the wood while he screwed.

After we finished together, I spent the afternoon playing with the wood by myself—adding a decorative roof and a back wall and flooring and a star and some fairy lights. I also burned myself multiple times in the process, to which Mr. Foxy insisted was sign that this project was too fucked-up even by Foxy standards. But I just ignored him. And aren’t you glad I did? Because, BEHOLD, my even more awesome-er, and not at all fucked up, Clown Nativity set!

It’s a beaut, right? Good, hard wood solves everything. OH! You might notice a change in the cast of clowns. Yeah, so I made each of them audition for their roles again, and I discovered the clown previously playing the role of Wise Clown with Wine wasn’t living up to his potential. He needed to be Joseph. I mean, just look at his terrified eyes. And surely Joseph would be the one supplying the wine for his lovely bride. Surely.

The Nativity set even has some thatchy, twiggy decor along the bottom front of the barn. Nooo, I didn’t spend two whole days taking apart an old wreath and then soaking the twigs in water overnight and then tying them to a straight pipe and then drying them out until the next day. YOU did.

Now my clowns are all secure, and I don’t have to worry about their safety. I think they’re even happier now, too. They’re still smiling and boozing and making music. And Mary is still the most happy mother known to clownkind. Just look at her face:

LOOK. AT. IT.

Because Christmas and pandemics and shit.


Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

Filed Under: Creative AF, Holidaze & Fancy Ways, You're Welcome

Comments

  1. Jaimie Sander says

    December 15, 2020 at 5:29 am

    I hate clowns, but love your creativity!

  2. Marcus C Canales Sr. says

    December 15, 2020 at 6:14 am

    I have followed you for a very long time, Ms.Foxy! I have always enjoyed your writing style. Sending you a virtual hug for always being there. I am from deep South Texas; great tacos here! Blessings to you!

  3. Laurie Walsh says

    December 15, 2020 at 7:07 am

    I wish I was there to witness this. Merry Christmas ?xoxo

  4. Alex says

    December 15, 2020 at 11:36 am

    Oh, Foxy! You’re good. Like Prince’s “Little Red Corvette” good. Yes, that good.

  5. Chrissy Woj says

    December 15, 2020 at 11:56 am

    You bring light and joy into my world. The Nativity barn looks amazing. Thank you for being you.

Follow Me!

  • 
  • 
  • 
  • 

Subscribe via Email

Enter your email address to subscribe to Foxy Wine Pocket and receive new posts by email—tiny presents delivered straight to your Inbox.

Best of Foxy Wine Pocket

  • My First (and Last) Brazilian
  • The Pooping Tree
  • What Women Think About Blowjobs
  • Why I Should (Not?) Teach Sex Ed
  • Motherhood Is Disgusting
  • Rules of Swearing for My Children

Search for Previous Posts

Recent Posts

  • Bless the Baby, but Fuck All the Fluids
  • Beware of Killer Tampons
  • The Perfect Wife
  • I Do NOT Recommend This Diet Plan
  • How Do You Make a Clown Nativity Set Even More Awesome?

Archives

Copyright © 2022 · Foxy Wine Pocket · All rights reserved · Privacy Policy

Tweet
Close

Buy me a drink?

A ridiculous amount of coffee and booze is consumed in the process of writing these stories. Add some fuel if you'd like to keep me going!

 

Subscribe to Foxy Wine Pocket!

Enter your email address to subscribe to Foxy Wine Pocket and receive new posts by email—tiny presents delivered straight to your Inbox.

×