Foxy Wine Pocket

Me, uncensored.

How Do You Know I Love You?

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How Do You Know I Love You? @foxywinepocket

For you Foxy Wine Pocket regulars, it might surprise you to hear that I’m generally a shy, mild-mannered person.

That is, I’m a shy, mild-mannered person when you first meet me. Once I’m comfortable with you, I immediately start over-sharing and making snide remarks. In fact, you know I really like you when I make snarky comments directed at you.

But how do you know that I really love you? That I might BFF propose to you? That my heart just might explode with my Foxy affection?

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6 Reasons I Won’t Go to the Gym

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Why won't I go to a gym? A variety of reasons, but mostly, I am the Elaine Benes of the workout floor. Nobody needs to see that ridiculousness. @foxywinepocket

Exercise. It’s a dirty word. I hate it with the fiery passion of a hangry Jillian Michaels. I have no choice though: I have to exercise. Mostly so I don’t end up killing anyone. Also because I can’t afford new (larger) pants.

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What’s Your Worst Alcohol-Related Offense?

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What's Your Worst Alcohol-Related Offense? @foxywinepocket #humor

Recently, a friend of mine got sick after drinking too much alcohol during our Moms’ Night Away. She was mortified and extremely apologetic. As I held her hair back, I told her over and over not to worry about it and that the experience really just made us closer: LIKETHIS. I also told her that we’ve all been there. Whether alcohol has made you sick or has made you do something really stupid, we really have all been there. (And if you haven’t, why are you even here? No, I’m kidding. Please stay.)

Anyhow, in that spirit, I will share some of my most embarrassing stories related to alcohol.

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Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

That’s a Good Jesus Story

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That’s a Good Jesus Story @foxywinepocket

My children are much better Catholics than I am. They attend Catholic school and have learned waaaay more than I ever did about the Bible and Catholicism. I’m not sure they’ll end up being practicing Catholics as adults, but I feel like I’m doing my part in providing exposure to that and other religions.

The problem is that they know way more than I do. And they ask me questions that I can’t answer. I do a lot of this: “Tell me what you think.” And this: “Your sister would love to tell you all about that.”

One time my son came home with a beautiful picture he had drawn depicting the Wedding at Cana. He explained how they performed a play in the classroom, and he was Jesus. I admired his picture and asked about the play, but honestly, I didn’t remember the Wedding at Cana. AT ALL.

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Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)

The Case of the Missing Nut Bowl

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Drunk Foxy and the Case of the Missing Nut Bowl #ilongformynutbowl

They say you shouldn’t get too attached to material possessions. And, for the most part, I believe that to be true. I treasure people and experiences, not things. There are, however, a handful of items that I’ve lost throughout my life that I deeply miss. Like deeply, passionately, I’m-gonna-write-a-bad-poem-or-a-song-about-them miss. In no particular order, they are:

  • The issue of Dynamite Magazine that featured my Bummer—my first paid writing piece. I blew the $5 dollar check on candy and now have absolutely nothing to show for my accomplishment.
  • My Norton’s Anthology of Poetry from high school. I scratched furious notes all over that book, analyzing each and every word. I thought really deep and profound thoughts when I was a teenager—I would love to crawl inside that mind again. (And then probably retreat very quickly.)
  • The judges’ comment slips from my high school Speech and Debate State Quals tournament. I took first place. It was my Al Bundy moment. The feedback from those slips would have set me up to take the State Championships. But those golden slips never made their way to me. I’m sure that’s why I didn’t place in the top 10. I’m sure of it.
  • My perky pre-motherhood breasts. (I probably don’t need to say much more than that.)

I’ve thought about all of these items over the years, and I’ve even shed a few tears. But none of them—NONE OF THEM—pains me as much as the loss of my beloved nut bowl.

*pauses to regain composure*

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Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)