“Exams Start… Now” by Ryan McGilchrist is licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0. Cropped from original and added title graphic overlay.
Normally I have to get on my knees and beg people to read my blog. (Although my husband would like me on my knees for other reasons.) I plaster links all over Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and other people’s blogs. And I hope that readers come.
But sometimes people find my blog on their own. Mostly by searching for specific things on the Internet. This can be horrifying. (I’m not even going to tell you about the searches that lead people to this article.)
Earlier this week, someone found my blog by searching for “i’m sorry blowjob.” Sure, I’ve talked about blowjobs before (not really in the positive sense). But I decided to have a little fun with the search on Facebook and Twitter:
Someone found my blog today by searching for "i'm sorry blowjob." I'm sorry, random Internet searcher, I don't give those either.
— Foxy Wine Pocket (@FoxyWinePocket) August 27, 2014
That tweet and status update got some pretty funny discussion going on about Internet searches, blowjobs, and spitting water on computers (I’m looking at you, Meg Sanity).
And it also brought out the smart asses. Mike from Papa Does Preach started to get mouthy with me. He suggested that the Internet told him I LOVE blowjobs. Clearly that was not the case. So I set him straight. Because I performed a very scientific study on women’s perspective on blowjobs last summer. You can read the research and results, if you like. But here’s a summary:
Most women don’t enjoy giving blowjobs all that much. It’s not that we hate them; we just don’t enthusiastically jump at every chance to give them. And we certainly don’t swallow if we don’t have to (at least not without a mint or something). We still love our partners, though. Especially when they give us purses and let us go to sleep.
After I published that VERY SCIENTIFIC research study, I promised to ask all of my readers what they thought about blowjobs. And I did. I really did. I ran a poll last October about it. The problem with the poll is that I didn’t limit the responses. Meaning folks could take the survey more than once. Most of my 25 readers were honest and only took it once. But I’m fairly certain my husband submitted the other 50 responses.
The data didn’t support my opinion was skewed. It was tainted. Not valid. So I learned my lesson the hard way. (See what I did there?)
Because I am first and foremost a seeker of truth, I bring you another survey. This is your chance to tell me what you think about blowjobs. I promise not to tell your husband/boyfriend/whatever. Because I can’t—it’s anonymous. Unless you click the button that submits your answer with your WordPress login. Then I will know exactly who you are. But I still won’t tell.
Please be honest…and only the fairer sex need respond. I already know what men think about them. I promise to publish the results soon. Assuming they support my point-of-view, of course. That’s the American way.
Follow Foxy Wine Pocket on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to my blog and never miss a new post. It’s quick and easy! (That’s what she said.)
The way my husband is acting today, he’s not going to get another blowjob until the zombie apocalypse.
Dammit. My husband is being really awesome. I still don’t want to.
First of all: AWESOME title for a blow-post. I mean blogjob. I mean blowjob. People are going to click all over a link with that title. Click all over it.
Second of all: I cannot repeat what someone put into the Google search to find my “Swap Meat” post. I guarantee that person did not find what he was searching for reading a rant against sexism. And I’m going to assume it was a he. Because we are disgusting.
Third most: when husbands blow out the candles on their birthday cakes, they’re revealing their birthday wish and also broadcasting a suggestion to their wives. In unrelated news, it is my birthday this weekend. That is all.
The blogger and “your friend” side of me says, “GREAT POST!!! Totally hilarious”; however, the man side of me calls bullshit on not allowing men to weigh in, lol. Think of all the engagement you’re missing out on. I will say, I think you have just fired the first shot in a war of the crotches. Stay tuned!!!
I have to agree with Mike here. You need your very scientific study to include men. Men like giving blowjobs too don’t they?
Lesbians got my vote.
No! Nope. Nuh-uh. No-no-no-no-no-no-NO! And also…no effing way. That is all.
Most men don’t enjoy going ‘downtown’ all that much. It’s not that we hate it; we just don’t enthusiastically jump at every chance to give it. And we have to swallow as we just have to (at least a mint or something would help). We still love our partners, though. Especially when they give us blowjobs and let us go to sleep without nagging.
HAHAHAH…I am voting ‘meh’.
When I met my husband he had said he too was not a fan, so I thought, wow, he REALLY is the perfect man for me. 21 years later I can now say that he lied, alas I did not! So men beware, if it’s something you want make sure you put it out there in the beginning. (Pun sort of intended)!! As always you crack me up, thank you!
I voted and I think you’re going to get a lot of “other” votes because when it comes to bj’s women have this need to explain why or why they won’t do the deed. I’ve always thought blow jobs were a holiday thing or for special occasions. Sometimes you might get one out of me if the stars align and I’ve had just the right amount of alcohol. That is the dangerous blowie, it could be porn star fabulous or it could be me spewing my “load.”
They are a useful bargaining tool, I’ll say that much!
One of my favorite things to do! I truly enjoy giving them.
I have a pretty positive view on them now, but I wasn’t a fan for the longest time. My first attempt with a high school boyfriend nearly scared me off permanently. Suffice to say his flannel boxers had been shedding a bit and the resulting aura of blue fuzz made it look like he was packing Gonzo’s nose down there. No sir, no thank you. I’m sure there’s a subculture of people out there who are sexually attracted to Muppets, but I’m not a member.
Heh. Member.
I totally agree on your “ladies only” policy for the poll, although to be fair, I’d suggest putting another one up there for the “men only” even though, you, me and every damn body else in here know how that is gonna go, but hell, you want honesty, right?
I once posted this ad on the Craigslist personals as a joke. Turned out to be the best thing I ever did (and yes, it does include blowjob relevance)
“I have been divorced for 2 years and I need to get out, but let me clear up a few things before we get started. I am here trying to get laid. Sure, I would like to make friends and eventually have an LTR, but I’m thinking short term right now. I am good looking, funny and gosh-darnit, people like me. I am also honest, so if you make it through the list below, we’re going to be just fine.
I love my car more than you. I always will.
Don’t ask me if “those jeans make you look fat”. I know it’s a trap. You know it’s a trap. We both know it’s not the jeans that make you look fat.
Yes, I am staring at that girl and yes, I am imagining what she looks like naked.
It is just as easy for you to put the toilet seat up as it is for me to put it down. Play fair.
Sex twice a day is a request I am more than happy to honor. I will still masturbate. I have a penis. It is what we do.
I will not talk about our sex life to my friends. As far as you know.
If you ask me what I am thinking and I say “nothing”, that means “nothing relevant”.
I am very comfortable being alone sometimes. Leave me that way when requested. I might be masturbating.
Yes, if we get serious and an LTR is a very real possibility, I will get rid of my porn stash. As far as you know.
If you have a dog/cat/ferret/lizard/bird/etc, it will not be in the room while we are having sex. We are not the Discovery Channel for Pets.
Not swallowing is a deal breaker. Period.
I will make sure you are every bit as satisfied as I am. Usually.
I am loyal, kind, generous and have a wicked sense of humor, so if you made it this far, you’re in.
I have attached a random and completely irrelevant image so that you shallow women get this ad even when you click “show only ads with images”.
Respond if you’re interested, but if you don’t, remember this ad the next time you’re bitching about men doing nothing but bullshitting you.”‘
There ended up being a four post series about the entire thing on my blog over it which ended up being hilarious. If you’re inclined to visit, you can find them in the Top 20 list and they all have “craigslist” in the title.
[/opinion and shameless plug]