How Would You Describe Your Child?

My son's 4th-grade teacher asked me to describe him "in a million words or less." Not sure she was expecting this. @foxywinepocket | humor

My son’s 4th-grade teacher asked me to describe my son in “a million words or less.” I was tempted to send herย my coffee table book about him, along with a bottle of wine and the words “Good luck.”

Ultimately, I decided that postย didn’t really do my son enough justice, soย I wrote something new. I kept it under a million words, though. Here’s what I sent the teacher:

Colin is a sweet, loving, gentle boy. But he doesnโ€™t fit into a neat little box.

He still holds my hand, hugs me, and tells me that he loves me every day. He does the same with my husband.

Home is his very favorite place to be.

He is crazy smart, and his memorization skills rival those of Rain Man. At the same time, he prefers to be lazy if given the opportunity. He has been known to put forth the minimum effort required. He sometimes skims over directions. He works furiously (but not always meticulously) so he can return to โ€œfunโ€ things.

Colin is incredibly sensitive. He does not like to be made fun of, be made an example of, or be the center of attention. He has a hard time distinguishing between someone laughing with him and at him.

He loves dogs. And cats. And goats. And every animal really. But especially dogs. He told me that if he had millions of dollars, heโ€™d open an animal sanctuary and assign a butler to each animal. Heโ€™d also buy video games and candy, but he thought of the animals first.

He loves to read. But he forgets that fact sometimes. Itโ€™s that minimum effort thing again.

Colin doesnโ€™t like competition. He doesnโ€™t like it when winners gloat. Or when people lose. He wants everyone to win. Unless itโ€™s his sister. Then heโ€™ll be the first in line to take her down.

He doesnโ€™t like change, new experiences, or anything foreign to him. He probably wonโ€™t volunteer to do something in the class that he hasnโ€™t done before. He needs to watch and process things before he feels comfortable participating.

Heโ€™s a quiet boy. Until he is comfortable. Then itโ€™s hard to shut him up.

Colin is the opposite of an adrenaline junkie. He doesnโ€™t like roller coasters, shots, scary movies, when people get in trouble, vegetables, plane rides, or really anything fearsome.

Heโ€™s experienced a lot of death in his nine short years: a great uncle, an uncle, four cats, and two dogs. He takes loss pretty hard, but grieves openly and healthily.

He has an aversion to physical activity and has never once voluntarily participated in any team sport. Miss Willowย is some kind of sorceress because he actually enjoys PE.

He loves computers, video games, and the Internet. We hope to channel that passion and turn him into the next Bill Gates.

Colin is an introvert and needs alone time to recharge. He will remove himself from a group of people in the middle of a gathering. He will walk along the edges of the playground during recess. He will retreat into himself when he becomes overwhelmed. And thatโ€™s okay with us.

He loves imaginary play. He talks to himself and acts out all sorts of scenes in his mind. When I punished him and took away all of his favorite toys, he told me, โ€œMom. You may have cancelled fun today and taken away all of my toys, but thereโ€™s one toy you canโ€™t take away.โ€ And then he pointed to his head.

He loves creating art and writing stories. He has already written several comic books. (But he prefers technology.)

He has a strong sense of fairness and justice. He doesnโ€™t like when people cheat, when people donโ€™t get a turn, or when things donโ€™t go his way.

Colin is funny. And he loves being silly. His sense of humor can be off the wall.

Heโ€™s extremely curious about the world. He asks a lot of questions. He wants to know the answers to everything. For my own sanity, I showed him the magic that is Google very early on.

Heโ€™s very rule oriented and very black and white. Weโ€™re working hard to help him see shades of grey (not the movie), not correct others when they make a mistake, and be more flexible when things donโ€™t go as planned or anticipated.

Heโ€™s quirky. And a little socially awkward. Iโ€™ve got money on him growing up to be an engineer.

Colin will wear pajamas in public, mismatched clothing, and finger nail polish. He likes what he likes, and he doesnโ€™t really care what anyone else thinks. He is totally unaffected by other peopleโ€™s opinions and standards. Iโ€™m going to miss this quality when/if he outgrows it.

He can be a sneaky little #@$&! He steals cookies. He started his own YouTube channel (behind our backsโ€”and was devastated when he got caught). He would never do that at school, but I think itโ€™s interesting because it shows he can break rules and take risks despite his sometimes-rigid personality.

Colin is a sweet, loving, gentle boy. We hope you enjoy him as much as we do.

How would you describe your child in a million words or less?

Photo Credit: sifotography / 123RF Stock Photo

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28 Responses

    1. Thank you! And if it makes you feel any better, now I have to do this for my daughter (whose teacher did not request one).

  1. Wow – I could have copied and pasted when my son was in junior school. Beautiful description. Did you get a response from his teacher?

  2. I love this. I have three boys and I HATE it when their teachers send home the little piece of paper for me to tell them about my son. I can’t fit all that they are and all that we adore about them on those little pages.

  3. That is so lovely. My son is every bit as complicated as Colin, but I’m never allowed to tell the whole story in the 10 minute slot I get on Parents’ night. The school can barely handle the juxtaposition of incredibly smart and dyslexia, let alone his other 999 colors.

    Thanks for sharing.

  4. *sniff*. My 19 year old son will be leaving for Marine bootcamp next month. I think I’m going to do this for him. If I can stop crying long enough….

  5. I bet Colin will really appreciate this post when he grows up. It’s a lovely snapshot of him as a fourth grader. I’d consider myself very lucky if I had a mother who’d taken the time to describe my personality, passions, and how I relate in the world in such a loving and articulate way.

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